Hare Krishna, Maharaja,
Please kindly accept my most humble obeisances;
All glories to his divine grace, Srila Prabhupada, our Founder Acharya;
All glories to your good self, for giving shelter to such fools and rascals as myself.
I had been wanting to write sooner, but I wasn't certain about what to say, or how to share.
ASA/TB - Dear General Update. It is a great honor to hear from you. What military force do you belong to? Is it the same as General Store? We have heard his name mentioned often.
Please write about your Sankirtan or work to develop your Sankirtan, even if it is only pushing one grain of sand forward 🐜
My wife and I are still somehow or other maintaining our sadhana as best as possible, with our:
- daily japa,
- daily readings from Srila Prabhupada's books,
- daily Deity worship.
[As a sidenote: she is scheduled for surgery in mid June due to some tumors.]
ASA - We know one devotee who is scheduled for nose removal due to some tumor.
During mangala artoka this morning I was thinking just how much we are dependent on having the Deities of Sri Sri Radha Govinda, Gaura Nitai, and Jagannatha in our home.
To be very honest, I think that we would be completely lost without Deity worship in our home.
ASA/TB - Yep! "Gṛhastha devotees, however, are generally engaged in material activities, and therefore if they do not take to Deity worship, their falling down is positively assured." https://vedabase.io/en/library/sb/7/5/23-24/#bb45382
Sannyasis must at least worship Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha Krsna within the core of their heart (End of NoI 1, purrrport)
We are not pure enough to simply chant and do nothing else. And reading is nice, but eventually we have to rest our eyes, put the books down, move on to whatever next project needs to be done: and before we know it-our minds are somewhere else.
TB// - https://vedabase.io/en/library/cc/madhya/15/108/#bb1100508 🐒
But there's something about having an altar in one's home that has special mercy. To actually be able to see Krishna face to face in the form of the Deity seems so surreal. I am not sure I really know how to explain it, even after 40 years of Deity service. There is simultaneously a feeling of mystery and comfort in the life of a pujari, even if one is simply struggling to maintain some simple Deity service in one's own home. Maybe I'm just being sentimental, or maybe I'm just wildly imagining things. I only know that this process of devotional service is my very life, and without it there is no life.
HpS - Every imagine if you came home some day to find that thieves had broken into your house and stolen your Deities? You would just cease to exist, no? Yet, we sometimes hear from devotees like your self that they are not making any advancement. 😆 😆. . . 😆
As odd as it may sound, in spite of our continued practice of bhakti in our home, not much has improved in my relationship with the local community of devotees. I feel as lonely and as left out as ever.
HpS - From reports that I get, most American devotees feel the same. Once a crocodile, a crocodile until death.
I've had to let go of my service in the temple and distance myself even more: although I still attend the Sunday programs, and all the special festivals. But I feel all alone even when I'm there. Yes, the devotees are still polite, courteous and smile when we greet each other. But I don't feel any connection to them. I try to keep in mind that it is important to somehow or other stay connected to Srila Prabhupada and to Lord Chaitanya's movement, even if it hurts. When the thought of moving comes to mind, I find myself too old, tired and lazy to make the effort. I rationalize why and how my purification would be any easier if I was to leave, only to find the same problems somewhere else.
So, when all is said and done my only concern is to somehow or other maintain my sadhana, using it as a sort of yardstick to gage my status as a devotee of Krishna, and accept whatever purification is in front of me here, where I'm at now.
My only fear is offending the devotees: a fault that I easily fall victim to. I used to hear "if you are envious of someone, the best way to be free from such envy is to serve that person."
Ironically, the nature of envy is such that it doesn't allow one to serve the target of one's envy. So how am I going to serve if I am envious? There is no logic.
ASA - It is advice for those who have envious mentality but in their intelligence want to free their mind from that contamination.
Therefore, the next best course of action is to protect myself by keeping a safe distance. The past has shown me more than once that getting too close in a situation like this is not healthy for my Krishna consciousness.
HpS - We are all different. People above us, people below us. Your strategy seems cool, but keep enthusiasm to help the Yatra, temple worship etc. Honestly, even though you may not think it is true, from what I hear of your Yatra, your deity worship has a real impact on the consciousness of others.
I get some opportunity to preach to a passenger and distribute a book or two when driving for Uber, but nothing sensational to be excited about.
There is a new routine for Bhagavatam classes at the temple. Class is now at 7:45, but I will still be reading during the usual time of 8:30. At present I am reading from the 8th Canto, as that is where I have come to in my own daily readings during Bhagavatam classes.
I think I will close here, in hopes that I have not said too much, or spoken out of line.
HpS // ASA --- No, seems to be just the right amount. You are becoming a Goswami. You are getting in touch with the Super soul, "jitatmana prasantasya, paramatma samahitam", B.G.
My last thought is to always remember how kind you have always been to us: Coming to our home, acceping our foolish service, and tolerating our foolish attitudes. There is no measure of gratitude that I am able offer in return.
🐵 - We have always been happy to have your association. Seems that you are reaching a milestone in trek up the Himalaya mountains of Bhakti Yoga.
Your lowly servant,
Balabhadra dasa
(Oh! You are not General Update!) (We will answer one more letter then go for Wall King with Dr. Desai). 🚶 🚶🚶
Respects to Mataji et al! She's going back to Godhead one piece at a time. Our two lower front teeth have gone.
