Maharaj, you asked me to summarize my marriage for the benefit of those who may be going through similar situations. My heart and prayers go out to them.
[Edited by ASA Board of Editors]
Here are points I'm grateful for in my husband:
1) He orders good quality stuff for the house, cheap and best
2) He is an adventurous and mostly jolly person otherwise
3) He likes new things and places
4) He doesn't use me for his physical needs
5) He loves to eat good food and I like to cook
6) He likes to experience happy new moments
7) He likes the best of everything and tries to arrange for it
8) At least he follows 4 principles, and chants 16rnds and somewhat follows a siksha guru. Difficult to find even this standard these days.
Here are the problems I see in character of my husband:
1) After three years, no kids. Too much "virtual romantic-reality games".
2) Difficult for him to stick with one women, job or place. He feels he is missing out on happiness, adrenaline rush, available in other places. Feels burdened by marriage, requesting divorce, feeling like can no longer cope with the marriage or act in a way to inspire respect from spouse.
3) He has issues talking about anything deep, or dealing with negative emotions or communicating about them. Immediately wants to leave. So, not much of substance can be sorted and as it builds up inside him it comes out through intense scary physical violence
4) Can't follow schedule or rules because he needs complete freedom. Wakes up around 10/11am, goes to sleep very late in the night wanting to be alone to do gaming and romantic website. My marriage to him was arranged by all of my superiors and KC mentors to give me spiritual partnership.
5) He doesn't like to include me in any decisions he wants to make, where we will live, children, his life goal: To give his parents a currently unaffordable house in a very high, class posh locality because that is their dream.
7) He tells me every other female is better than me: My cousins, my friends, his female co-workers, sister, mother are all better than me.
Maharaj, I was seeking your guidance on what to do now at this point. Not for my sake, but for the sake of SP.
I am ready to do anything I can to save this marriage despite all the problems. Your mercy is our sustainence. Thank you so much. As you requested for this summary, I am from my heart sharing it here. If reading my life story can benefit anyone struggling in their own life, i am grateful for the opportunity to serve. I request blessings from all the Vaishnavas 🙏.
Your aspiring servant,
HpS - ASA ---- Too many points to address in one letter. First thing is quote from Chanakya Pandita: Victory comes from good advice, and good advice comes from many counselors.
You say that all of your superiors and KC mentors arranges the marriage. Well..... we didn't arrange it.... no sir! 😳 If we had arranged it we would have suggested second initiation for both parties first, I, all the superiors and KC mentors, discuss the situation together before coming to a recommendation.
So. . . Emergency First Aide: Chant Hare Krsna and be happy. Draupadi tried to save herself by so many methods, appealing to all of her superiors and KC mentors, but they just turned away. She tried to use her personal strength.... Then in the most fortunate situation in the world, completely helpless she said,
He, Govinda !
and Govinda helper her (Like new saris)!
It takes a lot to make a grown man cry, but sometimes the emotional, social, pain, harassment in ISKCON in situations arranged by all of my superiors and KC mentors has been so bad (and others agreed it was) that we have just literally thrown our hands in the air and surrendered to Krsna.
He, Govinda !
What did Govinda do? He put us on our feet, took us out the door, walked us around the corner, down the street and sat us down on the steps leading up to someone's house. Was in the city, and we just kept on Chantng.... Chanting... Chanting.... and little by little, maybe 15-20 minutes, our mind and intelligence worked through the situation, and we came to a very clear understanding of what was wrong with the situation, and how to deal with it.
Krsna did not give Arjuna a super weapon. He gave him clear intelligence. We already have more power than all the Indras in all the material universes combines. Is that enough for you?!
It is just being covered by our own stupid conditioning.
The Japa got us on our feet again, took us back around the corner through the Saturday traffic and right into the office to confront "The evil one". There were arguments from some of my superiors and KC mentors, and even The Evil One Himself, but our intelligence was clear and we faced all of them. We had to leave on congenial terms, that project.
We were surprised that TEO submitted more easily than we expected, but we later learned that the Temple PResident who had be present during our crucifiction, commented when we went out with tears welling in our eyes to TEO, "If you don't stop harrassing Hanuman Swami like this I'm going to shove you through the window!" Was a second story window!.
So, I am suggesting.... Take shelter constantly of the Holy Name from sastric evidence, Guru vakya, and many personal experiences.
I have always really loved TEO, and its is learning these adjustments that have made that more and more possible.
Did Suniti take Uttanapada back to Godhead?
Now... let us see if even more formal and improvised focus on the Holy Names solves 75% of the problems.
Then as there are remaining issues, let us deal with them one at a time, rather than as great carton of Lernaean Hydra.