My dear guruji:
I read in Sri Harinama Cintamani the following: “The achievement of any success in this world requires the help of a guru’s instructions. How, then, can one obtain perfection in the best of all subjects, spiritual science, without the aid of the guru?”.
Also, in the purport of verse7.72 of Cc Adi Lila it says: “… only fools give up the service of the spiritual master ad think themselves advanced in spiritual knowledge…, Every disciple must consider himself completely unaware of the science of Krsna and must always be ready to carry out the orders of the spiritual master to become competent in Krsna consciousness”.
Sometimes, I have become proud of myself because I have the chance of living in Radhakunda, but then I remember your instructions before coming here:
1. You are going to Radhakunda to enhance your sadhana, not for prestige or to make social relationship with the devotees living there.
2. You have to grow in your spiritual life and develop your relationship with Radha-Krsna.
3. You have to be as humble as you can.
But sometimes I fail in all this and become puffed up, but this kartika, Radharani helped me to put my feet on the floor in a very funny way. I was trying to keep on cleaning the kunda every day, so I went the first day of the month in the evening and when I got there I prayed to Radharani: “Radharani, please, if I get proud, throw me to the water, ok?” so, I started cleaning and suddenly one person came and told me “hey, haribol, you are doing the best seva in the world” and I said to myself “oh yes, I am doing it”, and what happened: at that moment I fell into the water, I really could not believe it but I confess, that made me proud, so I realized, one more time, that in this place They, Radha and Krsna really hear everything, after that, Radharani, who is so merciful, arranged the scenario so I could make the seva without hearing any other comment, with all the things we had to do at home, the only time I could go to the kunda was after 8:00 o’clock at night, at that hour, the kunda was almost empty, so I could work very quietly, only to please them and without pride.
Before kartika, as every year, I made a list of the things I WANTED to do to please Radha-Kunja Bihari, these things included to chant more rounds, to read more books, to memorize more prayers, to do more parikramas to Govardhan, but this year all this was a complete failure. I once heard “if you want to make Krsna laugh, tell him your plans” and that was I did, but Krsna had another plans for all of us (my family and I) and since the first day of kartik, fortunately, we had a lot of people coming home, so all my plans came to the ground because I could not chant more or read more or doing parikramas or anything, but giving us, on the other hand, the opportunity to make another seva, vaisnava seva and all along the month, we were doing this, vaisnava seva. The day of Bahulastami, for example, we had the chance to celebrate the vyasa-puja of HH Guru Prasad Swami here at home, one of his disciples ask us to make it here since maharaja did not want to make a big party this year, and so we did, and had kirtan, offerings, prasadam and maharaja was very happy, and we also were happy because we participated doing again vaisnava seva, haribol.
After all this, I decided that this new year I won’t make any more list, I will only adjust what I am doing now, and will also make what Radharani wants me to do, so, this is my offering: This year, I won’t chant more rounds, but the rounds I chant, I will try to chant them more attentively; I won’t read more books, but the books I read, I will try to read them more careful and submissively so I can assimilate better the instructions given in those books, I will not memorize more prayers, but to analyze them better to learn their meaning, I won’t look for doing more seva here and there, but the seva I do, I will try to make it more selfless and only for the pleasure of my Gurudev and the Divine Couple.
To accomplish all these I only need three things: Radha-Kunja Bihari krpa, to follow your instructions, and to ask you to give me your mercy and blessings so I would be able to be a little better devotee and person, dedicated only to satisfy you and as a consequence, to satisfy Bhagavan.
And as you can see, the failure in my kartika vrata became a success because I did what Radharani wanted me to do, instead of what I wanted to do, realizing one more time that we are not the doers, but Their instruments.
So, my dear guruji, I want to thank you again and again because without your causeless mercy, I could not be here in this beautiful Radhakunda, full of sweetness and festivals and holy names and I could not be trying to be a servant of the servant of the servant.
Your (trying to be humble) servant
Tungavidya devi dasi
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HpS - ASA - AGTSP! Paoho. So, Krsna personally pushed you into Radha-kunda. Or was it one of the Monkeys. In any case it seems so refereshing. You can see we are in here in South America. You can see our Itinerary, no? Ooof. I think we will be able to see you very soon with Professor and everyone.
Thank you so much for your offering and the association of your family.
Let us go to another letter.
Let us all see that Srila Prabhupada's Sankirtan is always intimately related to Radha kunda!!!!!