Guidance in spiritual life
Please accept my humble obeisances and all glories to Srila Prabhupad!
Thank you very much Maharaj for taking the time to reply to me. My counselor has stopped responding to me, it's been almost a year and he did not tell me why. He recommended one boy for me with whom he communicates with about me. None of these messages I ever see and I feel misrepresented by this boy to our counselor and when the counselor makes sharp comments about me I cannot help but feel misrepresented, hurt and sometimes like I should leave. I don't know how to deal with such a complex relationship. I'm not sure if I should end this entire scenario of relationships. I was happily following my counselor until he distanced himself and started communicating only through this boy who barely tells me anything. The process of Krsna consciousness our counselor prescribed to us is very nice, but with difficult feelings like this it's really difficult to progress. I have been trying to pray to Krsna for some help, so I can hold on. But I wonder if I should, in my situation, continue to hold on or leave and seek guidance from someone else and get married to someone else. I seek your guidance. Everything has become very difficult...
Yes the counselor is Radhanath Maharaj's disciple. I still listen to his lectures, still trying to chant and get up early in the morning (still failing) and sing morning prayers (though daily failing to get up early enough). But I haven't given up on striving to do sadhana. I heard that sadhana is to actually please the guru, but when you have no communication with your siksha guru for such a long time, the lack of clarity is dulling. I wonder if this is his way of telling me to go away or testing me. Just heard a lecture by him in which he said lack of clarity can be a test also. When he accepted me as a counselee he told me he will never leave me even if one day I want to. But this complete cut off is becoming daily more unbearable and I am scared of developing negative feelings for him, very harmful for my spiritual life :(. I am eager to hear from you on how to go through this phase.
Your aspiring servant,
Vrsabhanu Nandini dd
HpS - ASA -- Hare Krsna. We initiated wife of Ambarisa Das in Argentina as Vrsabhanu-nandini DD, but your good self, you are disiple of Radha-natha Swami, no? To many aunts and uncles in ISKCON. We should all live in a village and know each other. Ja! Ja! Ja!
Maybe your Counselor was eaten by a lion. Maybe he, she, is in Maya. Seems like it was not a very practical relationship unless you know the associates of your Counselor and can ask them for advice.
Is true?
