[Jaya Rama] Effects of Childhood Neglect on Marriage

Dear Maharaj


I have been doing some research on adults who were neglected as children (my husband, his mother and father both left his older sister and him under the care of a cook and cleaning maid to go to school on their own as his father lived out of country and mother lived out of town).

I’ve noticed he reacts to neglect with much more warmth than he reacts to love, and commitment from me. In fact he finds my commitment suffocating. When I didn’t speak to him for a week while living together (everything I came to even give him Prasadam he’s tell and shew me away), he was so much more loving (just in Feb), when I left home and moved to my parents’ place, again loving messages in March, then when I blocked him (unblocked him now) and didn’t speak for 2 weeks, showed some cold concern for me getting very sick.

He has trouble speaking his feelings, is very easily upset if I’m even slightly disappointed in him, told me I don’t woo him, wants to be the center of attention, praise, doesn’t let people in, doesn’t express, has developed several kinds of addictions (maybe as a result of childhood neglect), has an extreme desire to please his parents (make a 2-10 million dollar mansion for his parents) to maybe feel deserving of their love.

Its very tough to develop a relationship with such a person. How can neglect be used to grow the relationship and of course he doesn’t trust me. Maybe extreme wooing by another man’s desperate wife, has temporarily caused extreme attraction in him towards her. I’ve tried wooing him and he came back home, but it didn’t last and he went back.

I’ve been praying to Tulsi Devi for protecting my chastity. She even gave me rare chance of doing her Aarti in temple I felt as if she accepted my prayers. But I don’t know how to love my husband, help him come out of this unhealthy relationship with another man’s wife. Maharaj is there any diagnosis of these behavior patterns and how someone in a relationship with such a person should act with them?

HpS - Maybe, but I don't know what it is. The Jivas are part and parcel of Krsna. Ultimately He has given them some independence so to some degree even He does not know what they are going to do.

Eg. a father knows his 6-year old is not going to drive the car to the market and get a bank loan, but he knows that his son has the choice of doing his duty of feeding his dog or not, but it is an option that the boy has.

I have been in equally complicated situations in Temple management and one comment of Srila Prabhupada worked: Don't leave, don't deviate. Do the service that you KNOW Srila Prabhupada wants you to do eg. 1st chant 16-nice rounds live or die, then the four principles strict, etc.

Change your life around getting these done.

Then you will see that all the other options eg. live with husband, parents, brother, B'carini ashrama... will gradually become completely clear. You won't even have to think about them much.


Your home is in heaven. Your only happiness here is getting free from material attachments so you can go home!

Your aspiring servant,

Yajnaseni DD

Advice on doing Bhakti Vaibhava

Hare Krishna Gurudeva, PAMHO, AGTSP

Your trip to Richmond, VA surcharged our sprits and we immensely enjoyed your association. The whole home is feeling empty and taking time to readjust. Some how trying to engage more in Krishna activites and part of that I would like to take "Bhakti Vaibhava" class.

Kindly advice, suggest some ideas, where can I do ? Are there any in US to follow?

HpS -Jaya!!! There is no substitute for reading, studying, srila prabhupada's book with just the intention of getting his intimate association.

beyond that different systematic studies are there.

Divya nama Das said the Temple was looking at starting a program around janmastami time.

houston might be starting about the same time or sooner.

then you can look for the vidyapitha in the govardhana eco village.


Hare Krishna Gurudeva.


-Subala Sakha Das


Hare Krsna Guru Maharaja.

Por favor acepte mis respetuosas reverencias.

Todas las glorias sean para Srila Prabhupada!

Querido Gurudev, espero se encuentre muy bien.

Aquí seguimos. Ahora tenemos 12 estudiantes en Bhakti Sastri.

Indira Radha cumplió 6 años ayer. Celebramos con pizza y torta prasadam.

Gurudev, tengo algunas preguntas, la primera es de un estudiante de BS.

1- Cuando hablamos de cumplir con nuestro deber, en el capítulo 3 del BG, Krsna nos dice que debemos cumplir nuestro deber, sino cometemos pecado. ¿Qué pasa con las personas transgénero? Por ejemplo; Un hombre se siente mujer y actúa como mujer, ¿ está incurriendo en pecado por no cumplir con su deber de comportarse como hombre?

2- En BVB ha surgido una discusión sobre poner "Pie de página" en los libros de Srila Prabhupada, para explicar ciertas cosas como cuando se habla que la mujer es inferior, o que la raza negra es inferior. ¿qué piensa usted sobre eso?.

3- En un verso del capítulo 5 del canto 3 del SB, Srila Prabhupada dice que Krsna se interesa por las personas civilizadas, que toman un maestro espiritual. Por otro lado el Señor Caitanya dice que debemos dar el Santo Nombre a todas las personas, sin discriminación. ¿el santo nombre es para todos, y los libros solo para personas civilizadas, o inteligentes?.

4- Con respecto a los Anarthas. El NDD dice que al cantar el santo nombre vamos purificando los Anarthas y que estos "salen". ¿cómo podemos identificar cuando estamos purificando nuestros anarthas? A veces actuamos mal, entonces ¡cómo sabemos si es nuestro anartha manifestado o es nuestro anartha que sale porque estamos purificándonos?

Gurudev, espero que se entiendan las preguntas. Muchas gracias.

Su aspirante a sirviente

Priya Sakhi dd


Hare Krsna Guru Maharaja.

Please accept my respectful obeisances.

All glories be to Srila Prabhupada!

Dear Gurudev, I hope you are very well.

Here we continue. Now we have 12 students at Bhakti Sastri.

Indira Radha turned 6 years old yesterday. We celebrate with pizza and prasadam cake.

Gurudev, I have some questions, the first one is from a BS student.

1- When we talk about fulfilling our duty, in chapter 3 of the BG, Krsna tells us that we must fulfill our duty, otherwise we commit sin. What about transgender people? For example; A man feels like a woman and acts like a woman. Is he committing a sin by not fulfilling his duty to behave like a man?

HpS - AGTSP In the purports to Bhisma's instructions on Varna ashrama dharma to Yuddhisthira in Canto One, Chapter Nine, Srila Prabhupada recommends Parasara's dharma sastras for answering such questions.

As we remember, Parasara says that Kali yuga is so complicated that he cannot possible give the laws of nature for every situation, but he will give some examples, and then the rest you can fill in by consulting uttama adhikari like Srila Prabhupada (his books) or if he does not give details then you can get clear advice from consulting six nice Brahmanas, devotees.

I would say that everyone's duty of to chant HK and follow the four principles. That is first.

If they can't do that, then they should help Srila Prabhupada's ISKCON and that will bring them up to that platform.

Just do this in a way that does not create a disturbance in your local ISKCON community and you will be fulfilling your duty.

Hare Bolo!!

2- In BVB a discussion has arisen about putting "Footnotes" in Srila Prabhupada's books, to explain certain things like when it is said that women are inferior, or that the black race is inferior. what do you think about that?

HpS - Depends on the specific situation. In some cases I think it is the proper thing. In general I don't think Srila Prabhupada ever says any body is "inferior". We were lost in the woods one time and one dog came and we followed him out.

Who was "inferior". Different bodys serve Krsna differently.

3- In a verse of chapter 5 of canto 3 of SB, Srila Prabhupada says that Krsna is interested in civilized people, who take a spiritual master. On the other hand, Lord Caitanya says that we should give the Holy Name to all people, without discrimination. Is the holy name for everyone, and the books only for civilized or intelligent people?

HpS - Need to see the exact citation. Send a Vedabase.io link!

4- Regarding the Anarthas. The NDD says that by chanting the holy name we purify the Anarthas and that they "come out". how can we identify when we are purifying our anarthas? Sometimes we act wrong, so how do we know if it is our anartha manifested or is it our anartha that comes out because we are purifying ourselves?

HpS - Again need the exact Vedabase.io citation. What does "come out" mean? Like the dirt comes out when we turn on the light or the dirt comes out when we wash the clothes?

Not looking too much at the source of our wrong doing, we should try to fight them as much as we can, ask Krsna for help, and then if we sincerely fail to stop or relate them to devotional service, then we can be sure that our effort made eternal progress and our past karma will have less and less influence on us each time we try!

Gurudev, I hope the questions are understood. Thank you very much.

Your would-be servant

Priya Sakhi dd

HpS - Hare Krsna!!!!!

Hare Krsna.

Pizza for Lord Jagannatha but also for Radha Krsna????

Jaya Rama

Todas las glorias a la Goura Nitay

Todas las glorias a Srila Prabhupada

Hare KRISHNA gurudev Nuevamente mi reporte mensual para contar de mis servicios para mi avance espiritual, sigo con mi sadhana matutino rondas, lectura y atendiendo a Nitay Caitanya Candra cada día decorando, ofrendas, levantar y acostar siempre estoy meditando en cómo mejorar para que KRISHNA este complacido. Sigo leyendo a las devotas y saludandolas preguntando y atendiendo a sus dudas,me gusta mucho este servicio y ayuda a siempre recordar y estudiar los libros de Srila Prabhupada.

También le cuento que nuestra fiesta de Sri Rama Vamani fue muy hermosa prasadam para la familia de LAD y personas de nuestro barrio. Comenzamos hace un tiempo a invitar a devotos a nuestro hogar, todo a salido muy hermoso gracias a la misericordia de Nitay Caitanya Candra.

Espero estar haciendo un buen trabajo para la predica de Srila Prabhupada y con sus instrucciones y bendiciones todo saldrá mejor. Se despide su humilde sirviente Raman Reti Devi Dasi


All glories to Goura Nitay

All glories to Srila Prabhupada

Hare KRISHNA, gurudev. Again my monthly report to tell about my services for my spiritual advancement, I continue with my morning sadhana rounds, reading and attending Nitay Caitanya Candra every day decorating, offerings, getting up and going to bed I am always meditating on how to improve so that KRISHNA is pleased. I keep reading the devotees and greeting them asking questions and answering their questions, I really like this service and it helps to always remember and study Srila Prabhupada's books.

ASA - Super!!

I also tell you that our Sri Rama Vamani (Navami = Means '9') festival was very beautiful 👍prasadam for the LAD family and people from our neighborhood. We began a while ago to invite devotees to our home, everything has turned out very beautiful thanks to the mercy of Nitay Caitanya Candra.

I hope I am doing a good job for Srila Prabhupada's preaching and with his instructions and blessings everything will be better. Farewell your humble servant Raman Reti Devi Dasi

HpS - Five thumbs up. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Krsna will be able to use for very important things.

Jaya Rama / Dreams

Hare Krsna Maharaja.

Please accept my humble obeisances


Is there in the scriptures something about dreams?

HpS - AGTSP!! As far as we know Srila Prabhupada's only substantial comment was that there are books for interpreting them, but he never gave us any, and he also said that dreams about Krsna and the Spiritual Master are not ordinary. He cited dreams of Srila Bh. Siddhanta Maharaja as very important to him.

if we meet Devotees or persons we know, we meet there like realy in their subtile form?

And how serious we should take an advice from advanced devotees in our dreams?

HpS - Should understand it in terms of your Japa and Kirtan, Srila Prabhupada's books, and consultation with nice devotees.

Ys Bhakta Dave

HpS - Dave is kind of like Daiva! Divine.

Waldorf School?

All Glories To Sri Sri Gour Nitay

All Glories To Srila Prabhupada

All Glories To You

Hare Krishna Guru Maharaja, please accept my humble obeisances, I want to thank You for your answer and Your time.

I hope You are good, Are You going to visit Chile?

ASA - AGTSP. We smile and say, not in our gross body.

I hope I can attend Your programs soon, I want to ask You, what do you think about Waldorf Education?, I'm taking, Abhay, my son, to a Waldorf School, and I'm studying and there is a Philosophy/religion (Antroposofía) behind them, do you know something about that? Mikael...

Patraka is a Waldorf teacher for many years. It seems nice. In the mode of goodness. Have to include direct Krsna Katha in the home life.

Read books together.

Regularly even if it is a little bit.

Especially to Kirtan together.

Thank You so much Gurudeva

Your Servant,

Dhanistha Devi dasi (Yoga) , Santiago Chile