Hare Krishna Maharaja, please kindly accept my most humble obeisances; all glories to his divine grace, Srila Prabhupada; all glories to you for your selfless and ceaseless service to Guru and Gauranga.

HpS - I guess some of our activities are selfless. Five percent? AgtSP!!! Thank you for your letter.

It has been a very long time since I have taken time out to write to you, but I think of you often and I find myself wishing that I had the drive and enthusiasm to keep in regular contact with you as so many of your initiated disciples do.

HpS - Some devotees join our programs regularly. Fifty, sixty???

We have different postion in Srila Prabhupada's Sankirtan, no?

Trombone, trumpet, clarinet, flute - Some of us boom, some of us toot.

I wish that I had such shelter of initiation as they do. There was a time in my life when I did; it seems like another lifetime ago. As I write this letter I can feel the hidden emotions arise within due to the nature of things in my life. I have always been afraid of replicating the enthusiasm of those earliest years of my devotional life: perhaps for fear of being hurt again.

There were a couple of times when Srila Prabhupada came to me in my dreams assuring me that I am still connected to him and to Lord Chaitanya's movement, but as wonderful and auspicious as such dreams are, they are still just dreams: ...

HpS - ASA --- Hey, being "awake" is dreaming while being absorbed in your senses, no? Experiencing on the mental platform can be better than the mental platform absorbed in the sensual platform.

... in my awakening state I often find myself extremely hesitant, fearful, and reluctant to go thru the formal process of re-initiation. Even I find myself envious of those who have such shelter. That is why I try and find the shelter and comfort of siksha guru. Is that enough? Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

ASA - Diksa guru marries us to Krsna, parampara. If the priest who marries us has a deviation for some time, do we have to have another wedding?

On another matter, I have been sick with the common cold for the past week now, although I am now in convalscence. It wasn't covid, as my wife and I have both tested negative several times. As a young man I never gave any thought to the common cold: I simply went thru it, tolerated it, and came out some 3 weeks or so later. As an older man I can feel the very real threat of death, because of the of pain when I coughed, or the headaches due to not breathing nicely thru my sinuses, or the aches and pains in muscles and joints, or the pain because of being unable to sleep due to a combination of all these things.

I am reminded of Srila Prabhupada's statement in one purport in 13th chapter of Bhagavad gita, wherein he says "unless one has a pessimistic view of material life, there is no impetus for spiritual life."

I have had to compromise my sadhana greatly because of the cold. But by Krishna's grace I have at least been able to maintain my japa daily, as well as daily performance of mangala arotika and an evening arotika, and listening to some classes daily.

HpS - Good God, you all! You super man!!

On a final note, I remember very clearly how you have said more than once that the problems here in this temple are the same everywhere in other temples, and I have never doubted that.

Still, there are times when I wonder if it wouldn't make sense to move to a community where I could feel a greater sense of acceptance, involvement and peace of mind. Wouldn't it make sense to move, even though the problems are the same everywhere? I have lived here for well over 22 years now, and since the very beginning I have cried, and my wife and I have tried to stay and make things work for our devotional service, trying to accept all the reversals in our devotional relationships here as Krishna's arrangement, as part of the process of our personal purification.

HpS - Each Temple is different, no? Big temples like Los Angeles with many departments, and small temples where every devotee has a different relation with the Temple President. Different cultures in temples in different communities.

Always problems but they may change shape. Of course our contributions to the problems we bring with us, no?

This purport might be really inspiring. You know it? https://vedabase.io/en/library/sb/8/2/30/

At times I find myself envious of the success of other devotees around me, when here I am, having devoted 45 years of my life to serving Krishna, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. At times a devotee would try and assure me that I am a very senior and very important member in the community, when I feel nothing like that. Is this intelligent thinking on my part?

HpS - Well, we are probably better off than Ajamil. Ha! Ha! Ha! He didn't have too much to show after forty years of work.

We surrendered to Krsna by the process of initiation, so that means He has never given up on us. So that means that we are making progress.

Look at the Ajamila.

One small service he did was name his kid, Narayana.

That was enough to foment a powerful reaction.

Boing.!!$!

!! Bink!

B! onk#!

Even now I ask myself, "Is this Krishna telling me something, or just some trick of Maya?" One thing I know for certain, without the shelter of a spiritual master, it could be anything. I sometimes reflect on Lord Chaitanya's final instruction of His Sikshastika prayers, wherein He prays "I know no one but Krishna as my Lord, and He shall remain so, even if He crushes me by His embrace, or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipful Lord unconditionally." It's the rejection part that hits me.

HPS - It says that Radha rani then thought a prayer of advanced devotion. So maybe we need some evidence that Krsna is getting some benefit out of our efforts. I don't know your situation in much detail, but just seeing how your home is a very nice Ashrama makes it clear that Krsna is staying there and taking service.

That's all we want.

Prabhupada was a 'lifetime in preparation'. We are all different, no? Maybe we are two lifetimes in preparation. Then we can play Duryodhana and Dhrtarastra in Krsna lila.

I feel very lonely without the shelter of your association. I can't always feel comfort in the association of your initiated disciples: Maybe it's because I am not your initiated disciple and they are. Maybe it's because of the mood of the community. Or maybe it's just because they are all so much younger than me.

I will be participating in the upcoming Kirtan mela in Spanish Fork on Memorial Day weekend. I am hoping that I can discover something that will shed some light and understanding in my devotional service, and the event will not merely be some sort of emotional experience of momentary enlivenment because of the festive occasion.

HpS - Devotional service in not a matter of sentimental speculation nor imaginitive ecstasy, rather it is practical activity in the foreground of spiritual life.

So, look for practical preaching programs that you can lead and practical programs lead by others where you can make a significant contribution!

Eg. "Food for Lions"!

And with this much having been said, I will close here. I am always hoping to find shelter at your lotus feet.

HpS - Right now they are rather covered, unless one has better vision than we do so see them.

I am sure that inasmuch as Krishna shook hands with Lord Brahma in the beginning of creation, Srila Prabhupada is waiting to shake your hand on your way back to Godhead: Hare Krishna.

HpS - Maybe scratch us under chin?

Moooo!

Your lowly servant,

Balabhadra dasa

HPS ---- AGTSP. I think a lot of others will get good impetous from this post! See you spiritualize bag of bones, muscle and nerves in about two weeks, no?

.

Hare Krishna, Maharash !

I am very happy to be here.

Estoy muy contenta de estar aquí.

I would like to see you soon.

Me gustaría verte pronto.

Mis humildes reverencias.

HpS - ASA

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

We are happy you are here.

We hope more of you comes here.

We must pay higher powers like the city and the state for water and electricity.

We must pay for the air we breath.

How?

Chanting at least one Maha-mantra for each breath we breath?

Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna!!

Let the Mantra generate our thoughts, desires, actions?

Will we become like mad people?

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Hare Krsna querido Guru Maharaja

Por favor acepte mis rendidas reverencias

Todas las Glorias sean a Srila Prabhupada🌻

🙇

Todas las Glorias a Usted que nos guía tras los pasos de Su Divino maestro. 🙇

Deseando que su salud sea buena y favorable a su Sankirtana, permítame agradecerle infinitamente por llevarnos (en línea) con usted a todos los lugares que visita. Este viaje a Richmond fue muy inspirador, me impresionó mucho la comunidad infantil. 

Por mi parte, algunas cosas han cambiado desde mi ultima carta.

Gracias a sus misericordiosas instrucciones, mi corazón está liberándose poco a poco de la culpa y el resentimiento, creo que he dejado de sentirme “Verdugo y víctima”. Estoy entendiendo que sentirme culpable es solo un disfraz para seguir siendo controlador y sentirme víctima es solo un escape para evadir mi responsabilidad. Estoy trabajando sinceramente para sanar y aprender de mi experiencia.

Debido a sus bendiciones, nuestro muy Misericordioso Señor, me ha enviado mucha ayuda...  

Hace tiempo, cuando le hable respecto a la separación con mi esposo, usted me comento que “para una dama indu hablar de divorcio es tanto como hablar de suicidio”. No soy indu, pero en mi experiencia podría decir que es totalmente cierto, es una experiencia cercana a la muerte🙈

…  En estos meses tome un curso sobre el duelo en el “Karuna Care education”, me ayudó a entender muchas cosas que estaba sintiendo a causa de la separación y me brindo estrategias para que estas emociones no sigan anclando mis practicas devocionales.

Es increíble, pero creo que -hasta ahora- estoy entendiendo (un poco) algunas instrucciones básicas en la práctica de la conciencia de Krsna… 1) ¡No soy el controlador!, 2) ¡Krsna es el supremo propietario! y 3) Mi relación con los otros, es con su identidad eterna y no con su cuerpo.

Por otro lado, empecé a estudiar el curso pada padma bajo la guía de SS Yadunandana Swami. Es una experiencia muy nectárea.

Estoy reuniéndome en línea con algunas damas vaisnavas de España, Argentina y otros países. Hablamos de distintos temas y proporcionan herramientas para mejorar nuestra comunicación, es un Vaisnava Sanga informal pero muy agradable, enriquecedor y práctico. 

También continúo con un servicio humilde en el templo (dos días a la semana). Puedo ver que tengo muchos aspectos a mejorar. Pero por ahora estoy tratando de sanarme y avanzar desde mi limitada posición.  Gurudeva, le estoy eternamente agradecida por mantenerme de pie y luchando a pesar de mis limitaciones ¿hay algo en que pueda servirle?

Por favor discúlpeme por aprender tan lentamente.

Gracias por su guía e instrucción.

Su aspirante a sirviente

Karuna-Sakti Devi Dasi 

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Hare Krsna, dear Guru Maharaja

Please accept my deepest obeisances

All Glories be to Srila Prabhupada🌻

🙇

All Glories to You who guide us in the footsteps of Your Divine Master. 🙇

HpS - Only because he uses us to do so!

Wishing your health to be good and conducive to your Sankirtana, let me thank you infinitely for taking us (online) with you to all the places you visit. This trip to Richmond was very inspiring, I was very impressed by the children's community.

HpS - They seem pretty sincere, but of course as they grow up many material desires may manifest!!!

For my part, some things have changed since my last letter.

Thanks to your merciful instructions, my heart is gradually freeing itself of guilt and resentment, I think I have stopped feeling like "executioner and victim". I am understanding that feeling guilty is just a disguise to remain controlling and feeling victimized is just an escape to evade my responsibility. I am sincerely working to heal and learn from my experience.

HpS - Vaisnava! Useful soldier. General.

Due to his blessings, our most Merciful Lord has sent me much help...

Some time ago, when I spoke to you about the separation from my husband, you told me that “for an Indian lady, talking about divorce is as much as talking about suicide”. I am not an Hindu, but in my experience I could say that it is totally true, it is a near death experience🙈

… In these months I took a course on grief at "Karuna Care education", it helped me understand many things I was feeling because of the separation and it provided me with strategies so that these emotions do not continue to anchor my devotional practices.

It's unbelievable, but I think that -until now- I am understanding (a little) some basic instructions in Krsna consciousness practice... 1) I am not the controller! 2) Krsna is the supreme owner! and 3) My relationship with others is with his eternal identity and not with his body.

HpS - You can love everyone. Nothing make you not loving them and being their friend.

On the other hand, I started studying the pada padma course under the guidance of HH Yadunandana Swami. It is a very nectarean experience.

I am meeting online with some Vaisnava ladies from Spain, Argentina and other countries. We talk about different topics and they provide tools to improve our communication, it is an informal but very pleasant, enriching and practical Vaisnava Sanga.

I also continue with a humble service in the temple (two days a week). I can see that I have many aspects to improve. But for now I am trying to heal and move forward from my limited position. Gurudeva, I am eternally grateful to you for keeping me standing and fighting despite my limitations. Is there anything I can do for you?

HpS - You are doing it. Go ahead. Become as famous as Draupadi in Vaisnava history.

Please excuse me for learning so slowly.

Thank you for your guidance and instruction.

Your would-be servant

Karuna Sakti Devi Dasi

HpS - You are a rocket in your learning speed compared to us. We are forcing Srila Prabhupada to drag us!!! Hare Krsna. Expect unexpected miracles.



Hare Krishna Gurudeva

please accept my obeisances

All glories to Srila Prabhupada

How is the movie?

HpS - AgtSP.... O. K. 3.5 out of 5 points.

It is amazing what art in its various branches can do to bring people closer to Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

On the day of Lord Ramacandra's appearance I put on the Lord Ramacandra movie, the one in anime, and my mother connected with it and watched. They also had prasadam that I cooked for Lord Ramacandra.

Well Gurudeva, I wanted to tell you that I have been wanting to follow his instruction for some time to compose music based on the songs of the acaryas, but the truth is that I have not done it very well.

In this incarnation I have had the tendency to not be able to follow a single instruction, or to give another meaning to the instructions I receive, this can be seen in my birth chart with Guru Candala Yoga, and it is true, I can see that difficulty in me . I tend to distort the content of the message and it is also due to my bad English, since the translations are in that language.

Lately I haven't composed much music, on the one hand because I don't feel musically resourceful and on the other because of motivation and atmosphere. I only play music as a therapy, to express myself.

I want to comply with his order, but I wanted to ask if besides composing songs based on acaryas' poems, can I make other songs based on philosophy or hobbies? Going from a direct platform to another that is broader to reach more people with the message.

HpS - As far as I understand Srila Prabhupada's ideas, the answer would be yes, but from a platform of nice absorption in the best song, the SB.

In 2018 I asked if I could make a record based on the Bhagavad gita and you told me it was a good idea. I explained to you that a Bhagavad Gita could be distributed along with the disc, but you told me that it was better to distribute only one chapter and if I remember correctly you suggested chapter 16, the Divine and Demonic nature, do you still think the same?

HpS - Don't remember the incident but is sounds nice. It is a good chapter.

Well Gurudeva, I have realized that what satisfies me the most is the writing, I verified that when making songs, where what I was most concerned about was the message of the lyrics. I still do not feel like a writer, but I would like to do it, and with them please you and the chain of teachers.

I'm really scattered, it's hard for me to stay with one thing and do one thing, but I have to adapt to my mind and body, see how I can serve Krishna with everything he touched me.

Thank you very much Gurudeva

your servant

Piyari Mohan das.

HpS - AGTSP. I hope that all the hurt and pain in your life and the lives of those with whom you are in contact gets adjusted soon.



-----------------

Hare Krishna Gurudeva

Por favor acepte mis reverencias

Todas las glorias a Srila Prabhupada

¿Cómo va la película? Es increíble lo que puede hacer el arte en sus diversas ramas para acercar a las personas a conciencia de Kṛṣṇa. El día de la aparición del Señor Ramacandra puse la película del Señor Ramacandra, la que es en anime y mi madre conectó con ella y se quedó viendo. También tomaron prasadam que cociné para el Señor Ramacandra.

Bueno Gurudeva, quería contarle que he estado un tiempo queriendo seguir su instrucción de componer música en base a las canciones de los acaryas, pero la verdad es que no lo he hecho muy bien.

En esta encarnación me ha tocado tener la tendencia a no poder seguir una sola instrucción, o a darle otro significado a las instrucciones que recibo, esto se ve en mi carta astral con el Guru Candala Yoga, y es verdad, puedo ver en mí esa dificultad. Tiendo a desvirtuar el contenido del mensaje y también se debe a mi mal inglés, ya que las traducciones están en ese idioma.

Últimamente no he compuesto mucha música, por un lado por que no me siento con recursos musicales y por otro por motivación y ambiente. Solamente toco música como una terapia, para expresarme.

Quiero cumplir su orden, pero quería preguntarle si además de componer en base a las canciones de los poemas de los acaryas, ¿puedo hacer otras canciones basándose en la filosofía o en pasatiempos?. Yendo desde una plataforma directa a otra que sea más amplia para llegar a más personas el mensaje.

En el 2018 yo le pregunté por si podía hacer un disco basándose en el Bhagavad gita y usted me dijo que era buena idea. Yo le expliqué que se podría distribuir un Bhagavad Gita junto al disco, pero usted me dijo que era mejor distribuir solamente un capítulo y si mal no recuerdo usted sugirió el capítulo 16, la naturaleza Divina y Demoníaca, ¿Sigue pensando igual?

Bueno Gurudeva, me he dado cuenta que lo que más me satisface es la escritura, eso lo comprobé al hacer canciones, donde lo que más me preocupaba era el mensaje de la letra. Todavía no me siento como un escritor, pero me gustaría hacerlo, y con ellos complacerlo a usted y a la cadena de maestros.

Soy muy disperso la verdad, me cuesta quedarme con una sola cosa y hacer una sola cosa, pero tengo que adecuarme a mi mente y cuerpo, ver de que manera puedo servir a Krishna con todo lo que me tocó.

Muchas gracias Gurudeva

Su sirviente

Piyari Mohan das.

Dear Maharaj

PAMHO AGTSP!

I have been doing some research on adults who were neglected as children (my husband, his mother and father both left his older sister and him under the care of a cook and cleaning maid to go to school on their own as his father lived out of country and mother lived out of town).

I’ve noticed he reacts to neglect with much more warmth than he reacts to love, and commitment from me. In fact he finds my commitment suffocating. When I didn’t speak to him for a week while living together (everything I came to even give him Prasadam he’s tell and shew me away), he was so much more loving (just in Feb), when I left home and moved to my parents’ place, again loving messages in March, then when I blocked him (unblocked him now) and didn’t speak for 2 weeks, showed some cold concern for me getting very sick.

He has trouble speaking his feelings, is very easily upset if I’m even slightly disappointed in him, told me I don’t woo him, wants to be the center of attention, praise, doesn’t let people in, doesn’t express, has developed several kinds of addictions (maybe as a result of childhood neglect), has an extreme desire to please his parents (make a 2-10 million dollar mansion for his parents) to maybe feel deserving of their love.

Its very tough to develop a relationship with such a person. How can neglect be used to grow the relationship and of course he doesn’t trust me. Maybe extreme wooing by another man’s desperate wife, has temporarily caused extreme attraction in him towards her. I’ve tried wooing him and he came back home, but it didn’t last and he went back.

I’ve been praying to Tulsi Devi for protecting my chastity. She even gave me rare chance of doing her Aarti in temple I felt as if she accepted my prayers. But I don’t know how to love my husband, help him come out of this unhealthy relationship with another man’s wife. Maharaj is there any diagnosis of these behavior patterns and how someone in a relationship with such a person should act with them?

HpS - Maybe, but I don't know what it is. The Jivas are part and parcel of Krsna. Ultimately He has given them some independence so to some degree even He does not know what they are going to do.

Eg. a father knows his 6-year old is not going to drive the car to the market and get a bank loan, but he knows that his son has the choice of doing his duty of feeding his dog or not, but it is an option that the boy has.

I have been in equally complicated situations in Temple management and one comment of Srila Prabhupada worked: Don't leave, don't deviate. Do the service that you KNOW Srila Prabhupada wants you to do eg. 1st chant 16-nice rounds live or die, then the four principles strict, etc.

Change your life around getting these done.

Then you will see that all the other options eg. live with husband, parents, brother, B'carini ashrama... will gradually become completely clear. You won't even have to think about them much.

HK/HR!!

Your home is in heaven. Your only happiness here is getting free from material attachments so you can go home!

Your aspiring servant,

Yajnaseni DD

Hare Krishna Gurudeva, PAMHO, AGTSP

Your trip to Richmond, VA surcharged our sprits and we immensely enjoyed your association. The whole home is feeling empty and taking time to readjust. Some how trying to engage more in Krishna activites and part of that I would like to take "Bhakti Vaibhava" class.

Kindly advice, suggest some ideas, where can I do ? Are there any in US to follow?

HpS -Jaya!!! There is no substitute for reading, studying, srila prabhupada's book with just the intention of getting his intimate association.

beyond that different systematic studies are there.

Divya nama Das said the Temple was looking at starting a program around janmastami time.

houston might be starting about the same time or sooner.

then you can look for the vidyapitha in the govardhana eco village.

!!!

Hare Krishna Gurudeva.

YHS

-Subala Sakha Das