Dear Guru Maharaja,

please accept my humble obeisances. All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.

When you texted me the reminder that annual disciple reports were due, it wasn't only that I felt bad about giving an honest assessment of how much i had fallen short of the minimums that you and Srila Prabhupada require your disciples to follow, but even worse, i lacked the resolve, maybe the desire or ability to vow to give my best in making up the difference. 

The year before my initiation I was able to complete my rounds, and was for the most part maintaining the four principles. When i told Jaganaath Swami that I had hoped to ask you for shelter as your disciple I had been doing a fair amount of service at the temple and the festivals for a few years, but I knew that as a neophyte, to follow in the footsteps of a surrendered devotee of the Lord would be a challenge that I could only hope to rise to with the Lord's special mercy as I was clearly not "cooked all the way through". I was suprised but also felt thankful and blessed when a week or two later Jaganaath Swami told me that he recommended me to you as a prospective disciple and that an initiation could be scheduled the day after SF ratha yatra that year. Now I see that my biggest obstacle to truly surrendering- I unconsciously wanted to use Krishna Consciousness as a band-aid to a life where i was not able to find real peace, joy, and lasting fulfillment with otherwise. I found a faith (science) with a powerful spiritual practice, that i was trying to use to prop up my own separate life of sense enjoyment, never giving up- or understanding how to give up trying to be the enjoyer- to give up being so self-centered. I completed my rounds, plenty of service at the temple, taking part in sankirtan and book distribution. Took part in kirtan for the deities. It was though always in a sense "bhoga-tyaga". I felt blessed, comforted, protected, and elevated by the Lord's mercy that reached me. The service i performed were offerings out of gratitude to a Lord I could see was blessing and supporting me. Pretty far from uninterrupted and unmotivated.

Around summer 2020 I was invited to an online program that devotees from ISV had created during the start of the pandemic they called "Bhakti Community". I was touched that he took the trouble every monday and thursday to text me an invitation to the program. Even though this program is held using the zoom conferencing software, the kindness I felt on the part of the facilitating devotees and especially the often-MC Vaisesika Das made an impression. I wished that kindness would have been would have been more prevalent at the historic temple in Berkeley that I thought of as my home temple. I had been absent from the temple even some time before the pandemic, to avoid the fighting, gossip, and lack of courtesy that more than a few other devotees would say that you could expect there. The programs Bhakti Community hosted online would feature a video that was full to the top in Krishna Conscious philosophy from Prabhupada's books- presented a LOT of information in 5 - 10 minutes. After around 2 years of these twice-weekly sessions I felt encouraged and able to pick up and try again. This April they started a morning Japa circle call from 5 - 7 am. I joined that program and now have 16 good rounds completed every morning before 8 am. What I experienced doing this made clear that perhaps my biggest stumbling block was just looking at anything in this world as an accessory to my own enjoyment. Things that Prabhupada sometimes would describe as 'decorations on a dead body'. When chanting im finally touched with some love, peace, and satisfaction that I had been starving for. 

Gurudeva, there are so many examples from the gates of Vaikuntha down to the hell realms of jivas that require making mistakes to learn an important lesson. I hope and beg that you could still accept me as your disciple in spite of my mistakes the past 2-3 years. I recently caught covid from home and it was one of the most painful illnesses I have ever experienced. I asked Krishna to accept that suffering as an offering for my purification. If there is anything i can do to atone for this period please let me know and consider it done. I hope my mistakes did not impact you negatively. I want to pursue spiritual life and wish to be a cooperating member of Iskcon and be of service to Lord Chaitanya's mission. I want to avoid any single thing that is not an asset to that goal. I want to thank you for your mercy and beg your forgiveness. Please let me know. Thank you Gurudeva

your servant,

Loka Bandhu Rama Das

HpS - ASA --- AgtSP. Paoho. We received the hard copy of this letter and the very nice oriental drawing yesterday.

I wrote an answer to the hard copy with some of our own drawings.

Please send us your phone number and mailing address here in the Blog. I will not publish them, but then can mail you our letter.

Our address book for electronically corrupted a while ago.

\'o'/

We answered all the questions in the letter.

Basically thank you for your nice letter and your nice efforts in so many circumstances to be a good human.

As you describe things, it is an honor to try to serve you and Srila Prabhupada as your Diksa guru again.

Details in the letter.

Hari bol, Maha-raja, todas mis reverencias a usted y a prabhupada,

tenia ganas de escribirle desde hace tiempo, pero me daba muchos nervios, si no mal recuerdo es algo que me pasaba mucho con usted desde que lo conoci.

Despues de tantos años finalmente me arme de valor y empece a cantar las 16 rondas todos los dias,

ASA - !! ! Muscles mono !!!

... ya debo llevar mas o menos 2 meses y espero seguir asi incluso el dia que me vaya de este mundo, tambien me gustaria poder ir a verlo y acompañarlo en India o España, empece a tomar algunos trabajos, ahorrando para el pasaje.

ASA - Si sienta la utilidad de cantar, va a continua... "Esta vale!".

Krsna va a ayudar VD.

Va a viajar con otros?

Ahora me despido esperando que blue boy me escuche y me permita estar una vez mas en su compañia.

¡Todas las glorias a Srila Prabhupada! Hari bol

HpS - ASA -- Unas ideas de "career"? Politico? Presidente de Chile? Estrella de cine?

Hari bol maraharaja, all my obeisances to you and to prabhupada, I wanted to write to you for a long time, but you made me very nervous, if I remember correctly it is something that happened to me a lot with you since I met you. After so many years I finally plucked up the courage and began to sing the 16 rounds every day, I must have been there for more or less 2 months and I hope to continue like this even the day I leave this world, I would also like to be able to go see him and accompany him in India or Spain, I began to take some jobs, saving for the passage. Now I say goodbye hoping that blue boy listens to me and allows me to be once again in his company. All glories to Srila Prabhupada! hari bowl

Hare Krsna Gurudev.

Mis respetuosas reverencias.

Todas las glorias sean para Srila Prabhupada!

Gurudev, el verso al que me refería era el 3.5.7 del SB. En realidad me surgió la duda al leer el significado de éste verso y también porque escuché una clase donde Hrdayananda Das Goswami expresó que él siempre tuvo el deseo de predicarle a las personas inteligentes, y que él ahora lo puede hacer.

Tendríamos que definir primero ¿qué es inteligencia? y así saber ¿quiénes son las personas inteligentes? o como bien dice Srila Prabhupada; son aquellos nacidos por segunda vez, o sea, quienes toman un maestro espiritual...?

Creo que me surge esta pregunta, porque a veces veo muchos defectos cuando voy al templo. Veo que no se cuida la limpieza, los modales, la etiqueta entre los devotos, y eso me hace pensar que como devotos debemos volvernos personas más educadas, ser limpios, etc., pero hay casos en los que nuestra educación desde casa no ha sido la mejor, y no modificamos esos malos modales, y pienso que no nos ayuda en nuestro progreso espiritual, ni en la prédica, o el ejemplo que queremos dar para que las personas que se quieran unir, vean que servir a Krsna es lo mejor que se puede hacer.

Otra duda que le presenté, sobre el pie de página en los libros de SP. La preocupación de los devotos en el curso BVB es, que hay personas que pueden leer estas citas y pensar que es una forma de mala discriminación, o racismo.

Yo no tengo problemas con estas citas. Yo las entiendo bien y creo que es muy importante que las expliquemos y seamos representativos en nuestro actuar. Como usted dice, Srila Prabhupada nunca hizo esta discriminación mala. Así que nosotros debemos actuar de esa manera.

Gurudev, disculpe si es muy larga la carta. Espero se entienda.

Por lo general no revelo mucho mi mente.

Muchas gracias por todo su esfuerzo y paciencia.

Su aspirante a sirviente

Priya Sakhi dd

-0-0-0-

Hare Krsna Gurudev.

My respectful obeisances.

All glories be to Srila Prabhupada!

Gurudev, the verse I was referring to was SB 3.5.7. Actually the doubt arose when I read the meaning of this verse and also because I heard a class where Hrdayananda Das Goswami expressed that he always had the desire to preach to intelligent people, and now he can do it.

We would have to define first what is intelligence? and thus know who are the intelligent people? or as Srila Prabhupada says; are those born for the second time, that is, those who take a spiritual master...?

I think this question comes to me, because sometimes I see many flaws when I go to the temple. I see that cleanliness, manners, etiquette among devotees are not taken care of, and that makes me think that as devotees we should become more educated people, be clean, etc., but there are cases in which our education from home has not been the best, and we do not change those bad manners, and I think that it does not help us in our spiritual progress, nor in preaching, or the example that we want to give so that the people who want to join, see that serving Krsna is the best thing that we can do. Can be done.

HpS - Of course, problems will always be in the institution. This is the material world. Look at SB, no? Problems from Brahma loka to Patala loka, but Hari Kirtan allows us to see those as aspects of the Yuga dharma, Hari Kirtan!

Then we can contribute our positive influence as Krsna desires. Apparently He stopped Bhisma from influencing the Game of Dice so that Kali yuga could progress.

Another doubt that I presented to him, about the footnote in the SP books. The concern of devotees on the BVB course is that there are people who may read these quotes and think that it is a form of bad discrimination, or racism.

HpS - Yes. It is a big controversy, challenge. Not just us, every religion in the past. Sincere people will be patient to understand everything, but of course we should help. I like keeping Srila Prabhupada's text as original as possible and then putting in footnotes to give perspective.

I have no problem with these appointments. I understand them well and I think it is very important that we explain them and be representative in our actions. As you say, Srila Prabhupada never made this bad discrimination. So we must act that way.

Gurudev, excuse me if the letter is very long. Hope it's understandable.

I usually don't reveal much of my mind.

Thank you very much for all your effort and patience.

Your would-be servant

Priya Sakhi dd

HpS//ASA - Nice letter. Expresses curiosities of many people. Thank you. Let us go to another!!! Much fun Sunday morning.

.

Hare Krishna Maharaja, please kindly accept my most humble obeisances; all glories to his divine grace, Srila Prabhupada; all glories to you for your selfless and ceaseless service to Guru and Gauranga.

HpS - I guess some of our activities are selfless. Five percent? AgtSP!!! Thank you for your letter.

It has been a very long time since I have taken time out to write to you, but I think of you often and I find myself wishing that I had the drive and enthusiasm to keep in regular contact with you as so many of your initiated disciples do.

HpS - Some devotees join our programs regularly. Fifty, sixty???

We have different postion in Srila Prabhupada's Sankirtan, no?

Trombone, trumpet, clarinet, flute - Some of us boom, some of us toot.

I wish that I had such shelter of initiation as they do. There was a time in my life when I did; it seems like another lifetime ago. As I write this letter I can feel the hidden emotions arise within due to the nature of things in my life. I have always been afraid of replicating the enthusiasm of those earliest years of my devotional life: perhaps for fear of being hurt again.

There were a couple of times when Srila Prabhupada came to me in my dreams assuring me that I am still connected to him and to Lord Chaitanya's movement, but as wonderful and auspicious as such dreams are, they are still just dreams: ...

HpS - ASA --- Hey, being "awake" is dreaming while being absorbed in your senses, no? Experiencing on the mental platform can be better than the mental platform absorbed in the sensual platform.

... in my awakening state I often find myself extremely hesitant, fearful, and reluctant to go thru the formal process of re-initiation. Even I find myself envious of those who have such shelter. That is why I try and find the shelter and comfort of siksha guru. Is that enough? Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

ASA - Diksa guru marries us to Krsna, parampara. If the priest who marries us has a deviation for some time, do we have to have another wedding?

On another matter, I have been sick with the common cold for the past week now, although I am now in convalscence. It wasn't covid, as my wife and I have both tested negative several times. As a young man I never gave any thought to the common cold: I simply went thru it, tolerated it, and came out some 3 weeks or so later. As an older man I can feel the very real threat of death, because of the of pain when I coughed, or the headaches due to not breathing nicely thru my sinuses, or the aches and pains in muscles and joints, or the pain because of being unable to sleep due to a combination of all these things.

I am reminded of Srila Prabhupada's statement in one purport in 13th chapter of Bhagavad gita, wherein he says "unless one has a pessimistic view of material life, there is no impetus for spiritual life."

I have had to compromise my sadhana greatly because of the cold. But by Krishna's grace I have at least been able to maintain my japa daily, as well as daily performance of mangala arotika and an evening arotika, and listening to some classes daily.

HpS - Good God, you all! You super man!!

On a final note, I remember very clearly how you have said more than once that the problems here in this temple are the same everywhere in other temples, and I have never doubted that.

Still, there are times when I wonder if it wouldn't make sense to move to a community where I could feel a greater sense of acceptance, involvement and peace of mind. Wouldn't it make sense to move, even though the problems are the same everywhere? I have lived here for well over 22 years now, and since the very beginning I have cried, and my wife and I have tried to stay and make things work for our devotional service, trying to accept all the reversals in our devotional relationships here as Krishna's arrangement, as part of the process of our personal purification.

HpS - Each Temple is different, no? Big temples like Los Angeles with many departments, and small temples where every devotee has a different relation with the Temple President. Different cultures in temples in different communities.

Always problems but they may change shape. Of course our contributions to the problems we bring with us, no?

This purport might be really inspiring. You know it? https://vedabase.io/en/library/sb/8/2/30/

At times I find myself envious of the success of other devotees around me, when here I am, having devoted 45 years of my life to serving Krishna, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. At times a devotee would try and assure me that I am a very senior and very important member in the community, when I feel nothing like that. Is this intelligent thinking on my part?

HpS - Well, we are probably better off than Ajamil. Ha! Ha! Ha! He didn't have too much to show after forty years of work.

We surrendered to Krsna by the process of initiation, so that means He has never given up on us. So that means that we are making progress.

Look at the Ajamila.

One small service he did was name his kid, Narayana.

That was enough to foment a powerful reaction.

Boing.!!$!

!! Bink!

B! onk#!

Even now I ask myself, "Is this Krishna telling me something, or just some trick of Maya?" One thing I know for certain, without the shelter of a spiritual master, it could be anything. I sometimes reflect on Lord Chaitanya's final instruction of His Sikshastika prayers, wherein He prays "I know no one but Krishna as my Lord, and He shall remain so, even if He crushes me by His embrace, or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipful Lord unconditionally." It's the rejection part that hits me.

HPS - It says that Radha rani then thought a prayer of advanced devotion. So maybe we need some evidence that Krsna is getting some benefit out of our efforts. I don't know your situation in much detail, but just seeing how your home is a very nice Ashrama makes it clear that Krsna is staying there and taking service.

That's all we want.

Prabhupada was a 'lifetime in preparation'. We are all different, no? Maybe we are two lifetimes in preparation. Then we can play Duryodhana and Dhrtarastra in Krsna lila.

I feel very lonely without the shelter of your association. I can't always feel comfort in the association of your initiated disciples: Maybe it's because I am not your initiated disciple and they are. Maybe it's because of the mood of the community. Or maybe it's just because they are all so much younger than me.

I will be participating in the upcoming Kirtan mela in Spanish Fork on Memorial Day weekend. I am hoping that I can discover something that will shed some light and understanding in my devotional service, and the event will not merely be some sort of emotional experience of momentary enlivenment because of the festive occasion.

HpS - Devotional service in not a matter of sentimental speculation nor imaginitive ecstasy, rather it is practical activity in the foreground of spiritual life.

So, look for practical preaching programs that you can lead and practical programs lead by others where you can make a significant contribution!

Eg. "Food for Lions"!

And with this much having been said, I will close here. I am always hoping to find shelter at your lotus feet.

HpS - Right now they are rather covered, unless one has better vision than we do so see them.

I am sure that inasmuch as Krishna shook hands with Lord Brahma in the beginning of creation, Srila Prabhupada is waiting to shake your hand on your way back to Godhead: Hare Krishna.

HpS - Maybe scratch us under chin?

Moooo!

Your lowly servant,

Balabhadra dasa

HPS ---- AGTSP. I think a lot of others will get good impetous from this post! See you spiritualize bag of bones, muscle and nerves in about two weeks, no?

.

Hare Krishna, Maharash !

I am very happy to be here.

Estoy muy contenta de estar aquí.

I would like to see you soon.

Me gustaría verte pronto.

Mis humildes reverencias.

HpS - ASA

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

We are happy you are here.

We hope more of you comes here.

We must pay higher powers like the city and the state for water and electricity.

We must pay for the air we breath.

How?

Chanting at least one Maha-mantra for each breath we breath?

Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna!!

Let the Mantra generate our thoughts, desires, actions?

Will we become like mad people?

0-0-0-0

Hare Krsna querido Guru Maharaja

Por favor acepte mis rendidas reverencias

Todas las Glorias sean a Srila Prabhupada🌻

🙇

Todas las Glorias a Usted que nos guía tras los pasos de Su Divino maestro. 🙇

Deseando que su salud sea buena y favorable a su Sankirtana, permítame agradecerle infinitamente por llevarnos (en línea) con usted a todos los lugares que visita. Este viaje a Richmond fue muy inspirador, me impresionó mucho la comunidad infantil. 

Por mi parte, algunas cosas han cambiado desde mi ultima carta.

Gracias a sus misericordiosas instrucciones, mi corazón está liberándose poco a poco de la culpa y el resentimiento, creo que he dejado de sentirme “Verdugo y víctima”. Estoy entendiendo que sentirme culpable es solo un disfraz para seguir siendo controlador y sentirme víctima es solo un escape para evadir mi responsabilidad. Estoy trabajando sinceramente para sanar y aprender de mi experiencia.

Debido a sus bendiciones, nuestro muy Misericordioso Señor, me ha enviado mucha ayuda...  

Hace tiempo, cuando le hable respecto a la separación con mi esposo, usted me comento que “para una dama indu hablar de divorcio es tanto como hablar de suicidio”. No soy indu, pero en mi experiencia podría decir que es totalmente cierto, es una experiencia cercana a la muerte🙈

…  En estos meses tome un curso sobre el duelo en el “Karuna Care education”, me ayudó a entender muchas cosas que estaba sintiendo a causa de la separación y me brindo estrategias para que estas emociones no sigan anclando mis practicas devocionales.

Es increíble, pero creo que -hasta ahora- estoy entendiendo (un poco) algunas instrucciones básicas en la práctica de la conciencia de Krsna… 1) ¡No soy el controlador!, 2) ¡Krsna es el supremo propietario! y 3) Mi relación con los otros, es con su identidad eterna y no con su cuerpo.

Por otro lado, empecé a estudiar el curso pada padma bajo la guía de SS Yadunandana Swami. Es una experiencia muy nectárea.

Estoy reuniéndome en línea con algunas damas vaisnavas de España, Argentina y otros países. Hablamos de distintos temas y proporcionan herramientas para mejorar nuestra comunicación, es un Vaisnava Sanga informal pero muy agradable, enriquecedor y práctico. 

También continúo con un servicio humilde en el templo (dos días a la semana). Puedo ver que tengo muchos aspectos a mejorar. Pero por ahora estoy tratando de sanarme y avanzar desde mi limitada posición.  Gurudeva, le estoy eternamente agradecida por mantenerme de pie y luchando a pesar de mis limitaciones ¿hay algo en que pueda servirle?

Por favor discúlpeme por aprender tan lentamente.

Gracias por su guía e instrucción.

Su aspirante a sirviente

Karuna-Sakti Devi Dasi 

-0-0-0-0-

Hare Krsna, dear Guru Maharaja

Please accept my deepest obeisances

All Glories be to Srila Prabhupada🌻

🙇

All Glories to You who guide us in the footsteps of Your Divine Master. 🙇

HpS - Only because he uses us to do so!

Wishing your health to be good and conducive to your Sankirtana, let me thank you infinitely for taking us (online) with you to all the places you visit. This trip to Richmond was very inspiring, I was very impressed by the children's community.

HpS - They seem pretty sincere, but of course as they grow up many material desires may manifest!!!

For my part, some things have changed since my last letter.

Thanks to your merciful instructions, my heart is gradually freeing itself of guilt and resentment, I think I have stopped feeling like "executioner and victim". I am understanding that feeling guilty is just a disguise to remain controlling and feeling victimized is just an escape to evade my responsibility. I am sincerely working to heal and learn from my experience.

HpS - Vaisnava! Useful soldier. General.

Due to his blessings, our most Merciful Lord has sent me much help...

Some time ago, when I spoke to you about the separation from my husband, you told me that “for an Indian lady, talking about divorce is as much as talking about suicide”. I am not an Hindu, but in my experience I could say that it is totally true, it is a near death experience🙈

… In these months I took a course on grief at "Karuna Care education", it helped me understand many things I was feeling because of the separation and it provided me with strategies so that these emotions do not continue to anchor my devotional practices.

It's unbelievable, but I think that -until now- I am understanding (a little) some basic instructions in Krsna consciousness practice... 1) I am not the controller! 2) Krsna is the supreme owner! and 3) My relationship with others is with his eternal identity and not with his body.

HpS - You can love everyone. Nothing make you not loving them and being their friend.

On the other hand, I started studying the pada padma course under the guidance of HH Yadunandana Swami. It is a very nectarean experience.

I am meeting online with some Vaisnava ladies from Spain, Argentina and other countries. We talk about different topics and they provide tools to improve our communication, it is an informal but very pleasant, enriching and practical Vaisnava Sanga.

I also continue with a humble service in the temple (two days a week). I can see that I have many aspects to improve. But for now I am trying to heal and move forward from my limited position. Gurudeva, I am eternally grateful to you for keeping me standing and fighting despite my limitations. Is there anything I can do for you?

HpS - You are doing it. Go ahead. Become as famous as Draupadi in Vaisnava history.

Please excuse me for learning so slowly.

Thank you for your guidance and instruction.

Your would-be servant

Karuna Sakti Devi Dasi

HpS - You are a rocket in your learning speed compared to us. We are forcing Srila Prabhupada to drag us!!! Hare Krsna. Expect unexpected miracles.