Hare Krsna Gurumaharaj.
Please accept my respectful obeisances to you. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
A mental projection, of simple servant holding a straw with its teeth walking toward you; in a sincere attempt to do the right thing. Out of love, devotion, faith, knowledge all them partially developed and fully manifestation of need, desperation, fear, delusion and hope. It is his dragging big baggage of good and bad qualities. That is my personal presentation unto you.
It is karma-misra-bhakti, pushing us to turn toward you and cry out for your forgiveness, mercy, blessings.. there is no other way to keep alive in this spiritual path.. i have been trying serving you just at vani level (initiation vows), and honoring you whenever we do try to do devotional service to Krsna, but yet there is not full peace of mind as somehow and other we know that we are offending you simultaneously. we do not seek that Sir..
consciously i had never envied you Sir, .. i just can not understand you, but covered by pride and false ego, i try to justify my possition, and keep distance from you. 'The blog blocks me'.. public communication. revealing mind, is that not supposed to be confidential?
I am hesitating to continue.. (writing).. doubting of the efficacy and clarity of this via of communication. does this can really convey the message that we are trying to say?. or is it possible to say it after all?. Guess it sounds sahajjiya.. (deceiving perhaps).. but i have the push in my heart to do it. Paramatma?. .. just send it .. It says.. just do it.
we just want to let you know that we are still alive,.. continuing walking, no, . we are crawling!!!.
I remember you quoting Srila Prabhupada saying if guru wants to know how his disciple is doing.. Krsna, Paramatma makes the arrangement .. that guru get the news. . .. yeah!.. but it is not enough, we should not make Krsna to work for us.!!
HpS - Hare Krsna, Madhumanjari Devi Dasi. Such a long time we do not hear from you! "Guhyam akyati prcchati...". This Blog is like the people that come up after a big class and carry on the discussions. It is automatically a little bit more confidential. Reading the letters we can see what kind of things go on here. Devotees can even use different names. Of course, if there is something more confidential then it can just be mentioned and then we can arrange to discuss things more privately.
Especially with a very nice pujari, psychologist, soon to be famous author, it is very nice to have some letters about important topics so that some other sankirtan devotees, land owners, big managers can benefit.
We often think about what is happening with your good self!
We ge news from others.
Today SB class, eight canto, ch.16, text 23. Kasyapa muni instructing Aditi.. it helped me to remember you, moreover to strongly realise that i can not continue anymore in this way.. Aditi accepted her husband not just like a caste wife serves and respects her husband, this time she accepted him as guru.. shelter, with full trust. Accordingly, Kasyapa muni, in compassionate way, engaged and instructed her in direct devotional service but subtlely covered, in order to pacify her mind.. Payo-vrata!!!.. wow!!.. but actually it is vadhi bhakti, as we all are trying to follow everyday.. the point is that he, Kasyapa treated her with compassion, kindness, intelligence, pointing out even her degraded stage of conscioness calling her grhamedhini.!!.. the expertise of advance devotee!!!!. It reminds me Srila Prabhupada and you.. I remember, long ago.. like a fooling child, i told you that i wanted to have mystic powers.. and you, kindly, in a compassionate way gave the secret to get it.. three important vratas!!!.. they are very powerful and effective, you said. then you told me: first get up early in the morning and attend mangalartik everyday; second, workship Tulsi devi.. and finally chant 16 good rounds of Hare Krsna maha mantra every day.. then.. you will see. the real mystic power manifested.. wow!!. got it!!
HpS - I heard that from Bhadra-vardana Das many years ago, then I remember I read it from Srila Prabhupada also.
Thank you, Sir.. .. thank you very much..
This is becoming to long now.. and there are much more to say.. as you say, the limitation is on the device that you are using.. ( your reply to another disciple message about his long letter).
Anyway.. time to go.
My respectful obeisances to you, Sir (father, mother, master, Guru.. is that right, to see you in that way?).
am i allow to call myself as your disciple?, is that appropriate?. we did not please you much.. perhaps even we could be call rebel, black sheep, disrespectful..?. are you upset with me, Sir.?. Sorry!!.. i am sorry!!.
in service
Madhumanjari dd
HpS - ASA --- I guess everything is kind of O.K. in any respects. We would certainly like to hear news from you about your position in ISKCON now. Are you still living in the Temple as Pujari? How are your University studies? Are you planning on staying in Australia.