Flying Fish mother update
Hare Krsna Guru Maharaj,
Please accept our most humble obeisances.
All glories to His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada! All glories to your continued sankirtan and your peaceful arrival to Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Hari bol!
We have been overcome many times this last year by the fact that we may lose out on the rare opportunity to associate with you Gurudev and we will be very lost if we ever lose this opportunity. There’s also the very sobering and sombering realization that we are not very qualified to associate with elevated Vaisnavas most especially the spiritual master. We realize how much you have tolerated us because our purity is and was between 10-20/80-90 The last 20 years and we are increasing it now with some small realization that we are running out of precious time. We are praying to become more sincere/serious. It’s slowly increasing to 25-30/70 (25-30 percent pure actions/intentions 70/80 still impure conditioning/self motivated actions). When we are struggling with our rounds and work obligations we tumble down to 0-10 and the only way back up is to chant again the next day and try to make up the rounds during the week (treacherous cycle. Trying to find an easier less demanding job. This may be working at Aja’s school as a counselor instead of an agency). Our weekly activities steadily are: attending 4 evening Aratis a week, assisting with service of cooking 4 offerings, following 4 principles strictly (we do indulge in chocolate and sweets too often and decaf sugary beverages!), Sunday school and Sunday cooking services as they arise, 16-20 rounds (still making up from getting behind in November) (4-6 in the morning), studying/reading twice a week personally and two other times with Aja and SB for kids Sunday school group (after our Sunday school bake sale we were able to purchase Aruddha’s Canto 2 and 3 workbooks for the kids! We are very excited. :)) ).
We are also trying to follow your instructions to have a study group the last 4 months which has created an opportunity to be held accountable for regular reading. Lalita and Alisha attend regularly as well as two others through goto meeting every Tuesday at 7 since September, sometimes give or take 1-2 other devotee ladies. We have completed NOI and almost Isopanishad. Format is discussion of questions from two texts from the TPP review, read/discuss relevant points discussed in the two texts we read independently (review the TPP to help guide the discussion of the texts), read a new text together and answer TPP question pertaining to text. We also end the study group with a discussion question based on the text of how to apply concepts learned from the text to our life (this creates an opportunity to “express realizations” or talk confidentially, or sharing advice on how to apply KC). We try to take turns with coming up with a question. Sometimes new comer ladies also attend and we change the format to more reading so they can have the association of Srila Prabhupada (and not us, since we like to speculate too much).
We would like some advice and blessings on how to best continue (maybe we are doing it all wrong, in fact, maybe we are being offensive!) The general inspiration came about last September when we realized we want to regularly read the Bhakti Sastri books again and follow the TPP. We remembered your advice was to grab a study partner (and Dosey doe to Goloka! It’s the highlight of our week. But hopefully not dosey doe to hell!) We want to make sure we are doing this correctly and with guidance. We weren’t sure if it would be sustainable but now there is regular attendance by at least 5 devotees.
Second is We wanted to take a moment to express the very real sentiment that we have missed the go to meeting morning classes. In fact, our morning sadhana became a little codependent to it (we realized that our sadhana was wavery without the inspiration of the class and this is immature. Our sadhana should be independently strong enough to sustain!) . We know you have many other letters and services to attend to Gurudev. We are praying for a small particle of sincerity so we can try to serve you putting our faulty ego, sense of identity, polluted western born belief systems to the curb. We hope we have still something left to offer.
Heavy discussion point for another week: how to not feel like the child stuck in the middle of a messy divorce and stay afloat during the recent shift in Boise leadership.
Thank you Gurudev.
We feel like a floundering flying fish with no home in the land or sea. Praying for improving our enthusiastic rounds so Krsna can lead the way.
Your fallen servant,
Kamagayatri Dasi
HpS - Jaya! AGTSP! Paoho. We feel exactly like you. How is the Murari Das? We would like to get a less stressing job, something besides being a member of the Executive Committee of Ministry of Education, Latin American GBC, Diksa Guru relating to GBC. Ooof! Administration is very tough. Also traveling and preaching is tough. Also serving our senses is tough. Hare Krsnas have been called sugar freaks.
We struggle to find solutions.
For us basic principle is to chant as much as we can. 24-hours a day is the best. You can make plans for serving Krsna, but better to chant Hare Krsna. The Kirtan will give you plans, drive your chariot moment to moment!
Of course, the first plan he gives us is get up early and get your rounds done, well.
We are trying to put our teaching into the Kapi Dhvaja every two weeks, the Blog, daily, by personal visits. Please look at the KDh. Supposed to go out tomorrow. Will have Calendar suggestions. Comments on general topics like yours (and ours) that are affecting all of us and how to write to the Blog.
Basically we are still very, very, very weak from all this travel, but seem to be coming back up slowly.
Thank you! You are definitely winning. Living a good life. Reminds us of the final scene of Saving Private Ryan.
