"Gismo-11" - AmD (Segunda carta)
ENGLISH FOLLOWS
Hare Krsna
Dear Gurudeva
Por favor acepta mis humildes reverencias.
Todas las Glorias a Srila Prabhupada
Esta es la segunda carta, discúlpeme por favor si resulta un poco extensa.
Hace un tiempo, Usted me dijo que ya era momento para establecer mí relación con Srila Prabhupada, desde entonces lo he intentado a través de la lectura de sus libros o del guru puja diario, pero me siento muy, muy lejos. He querido contarle todo esto, pero me ha tomado algunas semanas poder hacerlo.
A principios de la cuarentena dimos un seminario de Etiqueta Vaisnava... y en medio del taller, cuando estaba hablando de la asociación entre devotos, me di cuenta que yo no había aprovechado bien mi tiempo en asociación, especialmente con devotos mayores. Ejemplo de ello es que no he podido establecer en mi vida espiritual a otros devotos como siksha, y el único ha sido Usted. Repetimos siempre en los seminarios que “Asociación es más importante que el proceso” pero creo que he estado haciendo lo contrario. Me siento un poco avergonzado para dar clases ahora, asi es que, me he dedicado solo a escuchar.
Ahora tengo esta pregunta en mi corazón: ¿Antes de establecer mi relación con Srila Prabhupada, tendría que establecer primero una relación profunda con quien me lleva a Srila Prabhupada?
Considerando que eso fuera cierto... como podría establecer esa relación con mi Guru, en la práctica? Incluso si logrará algún día llegar a tomar refugio en Srila Prabhupada.. Sin la asociación con Usted, no sé cómo podría sentirme.
No sé si tengo una relación profunda con Usted, o si le tengo tanto amor como otros de mis hermanos. Estoy un poco triste porque siento que no he podido hacer más o ser mejor, siento que seguir mis votos no es suficiente, que quizás podría haber hecho algo más. Por mucho tiempo he resistido a ese sentimiento con lo vivido en Gurukula, pero gran cosa no fue, y las veces que le pedí hacer algo más... me dijo que me concentrará en mi familia, y me he sentido inútil todo este tiempo.
Ahora me asusta mucho pedirle un servicio o preguntarle qué puedo hacer por Usted?, ya que ha mencionado Sannyasa.. en broma a nosotros, pero me asusta el hecho que lo diga en serio, algunos hermanos saben de esto, yo quería hablarlo en privado, ya que aún estoy superando el duelo de la partida de los hijos independientes, y estoy tratando de asumir vanaprastha, y necesito hablar más de eso con Usted, no sabía que me podía afectar tanto ese tema.
Por favor perdóneme por todas las ofensas que he cometido consiente e inconscientemente, perdone mis ideas distintas y mi humor independiente. Qué puedo hacer por Usted? Por favor permítame servirle.
Su aspirante a sirviente AmD
-o-o-o-
Hare Krsna
Dear Gurudeva
Please accept my humble obeisances.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada
This is the second letter, please excuse me if it is a bit long.
Some time ago, you told me that it was time to establish my relationship with Srila Prabhupada, since then I have tried through reading his books or daily guru puja, but I feel very, very far away. I wanted to tell you all this, but it has taken me a few weeks to do it.
HpS - That is O.K. I feel that my major service is to help anyone in making that connection, to be like a lens, window, not a picture. Keep chanting in front of Srila Prabhupada's picture. Talk with him.
At the beginning of the quarantine we gave a Vaisnava etiquette seminar ... and in the middle of the workshop, when I was talking about the association between devotees, I realized that I had not made the most of my time in association, especially with older devotees. An example of this is that I have not been able to establish other devotees as Siksha in my spiritual life, and the only one has been You. We always repeat in the seminars that "Association is more important than the process" but I think I have been doing the opposite. I feel a little embarrassed to teach classes now, so I have dedicated myself only to listening.
HpS - You will have this realization again and again, but each time deeper. Do you like Bh. Bhusana Swami? Probably yes. Then that is a Siksa relationship. Just expanding, deeper.
Now I have this question in my heart: Before I establish my relationship with Srila Prabhupada, should I first establish a deep relationship with who brings me to Srila Prabhupada?
HpS - Before you look at the moon through the telescope, should you look at the first lens in the telescope better? Yes, but what is the meaning of improving the look at the first lens unless it gives you better view of the second?
Also, more than one telescope. Diksa guru is one telescope. Diksa guru will probably also be a prominent Siksa guru also.
Considering that was true ... how could I establish that relationship with my Guru, in practice? Even if you will ever get to take refuge in Srila Prabhupada .. Without association with you, I don't know how I could feel.
HpS - Whatever relations we have in KC are eternal. If I get some KC through one person and they falldown, the KC connection is eternal. They may forget in their current fallen condition but we don't forget. We just keep adding more people in the relationship in a proper way. Trnad api.... everyone is our Guru. How to put them in place.
I do not know if I have a deep relationship with you, or if I have as much love for you as other of my brothers. I am a little sad because I feel that I could not do more or be better, I feel that following my vows is not enough, that perhaps I could have done something more. For a long time I have resisted that feeling with what I lived in Gurukula, but it was not a big thing, and the times I asked him to do something else ... he told me that he will focus on my family, and I have felt useless all this time.
Now it scares me a lot to ask you for a service or to ask you what I can do for you? Since Sannyasa has mentioned ... as a joke to us, but I am scared of the fact that he is serious, some brothers know about this, I wanted to speak privately , since I am still overcoming the grief of the departure of the independent children, and I am trying to assume vanaprastha, and I need to talk more about that with you, I did not know that this issue could affect me so much.
Please forgive me for all the offenses I have consciously and unconsciously committed, forgive my different ideas and my independent humor. What can I do for you? Please allow me to serve you.
Your aspiring servant AmD
HpS - Please us for talking Spanish like a donkey. I think that you and Mataji have done a very, good job. I think that Srila Prabhupada would look at you both, evaluate your Ghrstha efforts and then nod and smile and make a "thumbs up". 👍
"First phase, well done. Now we go to phase two".
You are miles and miles and miles ahead of other devotees, but of course others are ahead of us.
In general terms, now Vanaprastha. It is natural.
I am not the Supreme Friend, "bhoktarama yajna...". I must realize that my family are all intimate lovers of Krsna, then I also begin to realize that so am I. We don't lose our personal relations, no, they transform. They become deeper and real.
Again, talk with other devotees, but for us, travel (physical or viritual) for preaching is natural, needed by the world, from you both now. Organize festivals (physical or virtual). Money will come naturally if you just make a little effort.
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O.K. Waiting for next report.
