AGTSP
All glories to you
Radhe Syam
I hope you are well, I am very sorry that you have received a complaint against me,
HpS - ASA --- AGTSP!!!!! paoho. . . . generally speaking there is nothing to be sorry about:
it happens to everyone all the time. radha and candravali criticize each other. canto five, in this world are the sounds of crickets which keep us awake at night and we can't find them, which is unfair criticism, but we can't find where it comes from. criticism from well wisher who only wants to help us improve our service. we did not know the critic, and could not edit the attached fotos, so we could not publish the letter.
the truth is that I was recently told by a friend and truly was my ex-partner who wrote, I apologize for the way she wrote to you, I think she identified with her ego, she is a very good person but like everyone has imbalances and unresolved issues, I remember I asked about your opinion about me entering into family life with a woman and you told me that only if there was non-Vedic marriage as it was not allowed and that it should be a very renounced relationship,
ASA - we don't remember the dialog, but we certainly advice 4 principles and 16-rounds in any situation. and as srila prabhupada defines it, marriage is bisexual for getting kids, but rama took a vow of friendship to the death with sugriva.
after a while of knowing each other from a distance, I decided to go to Brazil to meet her personally, unfortunately, I noticed a violent behavior of her towards her family although she sees it as normal, because she grew up that way, after a while, she recognized it, then after 3 months I decided to return to Chile to continue working and save so money to help my mother who for several years have suffered from chronic cancer.
So she decided to go to chile to look for me and to visit her Guru, and I thought that we could put more effort into having a better relationship together, she already committed herself to improve her attitude, we looked for psychological help to treat her behavior, I am aware of that, from the beginning I told her that I suffered from Asperger's spectrum, something that for the moment she still does not understand and does not believe.
Over time I have learned to live with it but I cannot tolerate living in an environment of shouting, it is unnecessary and harmful, I also realized that she felt pressured by me spiritually, although she tried, I think she did not feel very comfortable, as I understood she was in another stage of her life. After some time my mother called me to tell me that her health was getting worse, then I told her that I had to go to El Salvador and she didn't understand that I had to go even though I had told her a long time ago,
in reality, it was very difficult for me to make her understand what was happening
before I left we signed a common-law marriage, I think it is the only thing we could do at that moment, it is not like getting married,
When I arrived here in El Salvador I realized that I haven't felt good for a while, I was not eating, and I was emotionally and spiritually unstable, my psychologist said as well as several older devotees that it was not good for me to continue with a relationship, and I felt the same way. So I decided to call her to tell her how I felt but I think she let her emotions get the better of her and did not understand or accept that it was not a good idea to continue with the relationship (since I did not consider it a healthy relationship) and I couldn't leave my mother alone since her husband left home and it is only me and my 19 year old sister and we are the ones who take care of everything.
The same day I ended the relationship she started to insult me and threaten me in different ways, afterward my friends and family and to this day she continues to do so with my friends that are in different countries that she doesn't even know,
I guess she can't accept that I can't and don't want to be with her, I consider and I explained to her from the day we started our relationship that if at any moment she didn't feel good with me and vice versa, that we were free to continue our lives in a good way . At no time have I ever treated her badly, insulted or abused her, she had a confrontation with Tilak's mother to the point of offending her (I will not mention her name), I think she contacted her because she is my teacher and has made up many things that she has created in her mind just by supposing them,
I wrote to her to apologize because I knew I should but she still she took everything in a wrong way, likewise Gurudev, I offer my apologies for the horrible mail that you received, I don't understand what was the purpose of sharing intimate photos or anything that came to you,
HpS - We just looked at the beginning of the letter, and could not identify who it was, so we did not progress. We would have erased the rest and explained that we needed to know wo was writing, what was their motive and the Blog was only for discussing general situations for general benefit and requesting proper individual communication, but we could not even do that because there were photo files attached that we could not preview or edit/delete if necessary, so we could just publish what we did and we see another letter has arrived, so we will try to deal with it with respect, but of course, the Blog is not a forum for constructive work on these detailed relations. Other forum are available.
We never read the letter or opened the picture files.
I have come to realize many things with this experience, one of them is that it seems that most of the marital relationships that we have in this material world are not valued by the spiritual life, but rather by the physical exchange and it seems that I am out of the normal standard and I think few can understand it.
Gurudev I really don't like to talk about these issues with you, since I respect that you as a Sannyasi and my spiritual Guide, and I am the one who has to apply the Spiritual knowledge in the material life, I always try to let you know what I am doing.
HpS - Mangala ananda Das in Argentina told me a few years ago that after several years he had realized that I was not his psychologist, I was his spiritual master. 🙂
Above we made our basic comprehension of the situation. We feel as suggested by Rama-Sugiva vows, that people can have same sex friendships, even taking vows of fidelity, but that is not marriage. It is friendship, again for spiritual development, and not an excuse for any kind of debased sensual gratification. 🐷
At the moment I am at home working, taking care of my mother, and studying Vedic Astrology, it is quite challenging the situation of my mother but we are fine, I have not been able to enter FMP since I am in El Salvador as the time is 3:30 am, but I hope to fix my schedule to see if I can attend, apparently you didn't receive a report I wrote to you in February but I will try to look for it again where I answered some questions you asked me.
HpS - Is possible. As we explained we got too many letters at V-puja, January, so we just asked devotees to send again. Guess, maybe, we should require devotees to send their Annual Reports on their birthday's not ours.
I am sorry for all the offenses and I guess I never thought this would happen and that she would react this way, but I think this experience will help me a lot in my spiritual process. I have to accept these reactions and work on them.
HpS - How can we expect others to be compassionate to us unless we are compassionate. Most case the anger, caused by pain, is not really aimed at us, no? We just look like some one, and get the other persons arrows. Eg My father neglected me. You look like my father, I hate/love you. Everyone chants then there will be a good resolution for everyone and we can all move together to the next stage.
Your servant...
Panamanian Devil
RCD
HpS - ASA --- Thank you.
