Please accept my humble obeisances,
All glories to Srila Prabhupada,
Here we are in the solitude of our ashram, waiting for joining the japa joe meeting. Here is 4.20 amI guess is now 040 am in san Franciscoso 50 min to go.
This time I will appeal to your causeless mercy and I will take some of your precious time to write a long letter.
I can feel so strong your mercy upon me, this particular present moment I,m living has taught me so much, I can sense the hand of krsna behind this situation, so many realizations. Main one is I can see in which platform I am which is my level of kc, now I understand when you say “different people in different levels”. I can see some of my anarthas so clearly. And I accept them, I face them and i.m sure krsna loves me anyway. that`s why he sent me his pure devotee, to heal me, help me in my way towards him. Today i have read this purport from SB 4.29.55 “…One cannot give up this abominable association through one's own effort, but if one takes shelter of a bona fide spiritual master who is a paramahamsa, he will gradually be elevated to the platform of spiritual life…” This brought me so much relief, cause is obvious I can do nothing by myself. Today I can say I really accept in which platform I am and from there I establish my relationship with you and with krsna. Today most important to me is to please you and Srila Pabhupada according to my present abilities and capacity being patient and having full faith that gradually following the process everything will come and as you say “ you will get to the uttama adhikari level”
Your instructions are so clear, I understand what do I have to do, I can see more and more that everything we need to know is in SP`s book, we only have to read them and study them. Please gurudeva give me your blessings to study SP`s books in deep.
My present standard is 16 rounds every day and 4 principles.
With this I myself have a big conflict. It is pretty clear to me that the standard that SP and you propose regarding sex for initiated disciples is only after garbhadana samskara, and also is clear that no one can enter in to the spiritual sky without being celibate. But the other day I listened to a lecture by HH Hridayananda das Goswami and he was saying that SP when he speaks about illicit sex he makes a distinction between illicit sex and sex outside marriage, he was saying that for this principle SP established a top line which is only sex after garbhadana samskara and a bottom line which is only sex with one`s wife in a regulated fashion. He was puting the example of an obese person that in order to cure that person you don’t make him fast until he is ok but you prescribe him a regulated diet, so the same, marriage is a regulated way to cure oneself from the bondage of sex desire.
So personally at the present moment I can reach only the bottom line of this principle, more would be artificial and dangerous. So beloved gurudeva I humbly pray for your mercy in order to one day overcome this attachment and reach to the highest standard and become a pure instrument in your hands, poison free.
Regarding my relation with my wife, gradually things are going back to its place, I think is a matter of time only for reconciliation, i`m doing my best, the result is up to Krsna.
Medical studies go ok, lately little bit slower but we are very enthusiastic about profounding our ayurvedic studies. I made an agreement with a very good ayurvedic doctor from south India, udupi, Dr Shivkumar Sharma, to make an argentinian ayurvedic pharmacopoeia according to a book called dravya guna vijaña which describes the 20 atributes of every substance in order to mesure its effect in the body, so the idea is to find the argentinian plants equivalent to those in India described in this texts. I feel very comfortable as an ayurvedic doctor, I have more than 650 patients and like 10 of them are regular members of our congregation, so for me I see it as a nice way to preach KC.
My present service in our yatra is to be the treasurer and collect donations and funding for our projects (described in other letter). Due to my pasionate tendency I used to put lot in my shoulders and I was involved in so many services, but nicely devotees seeing my present condition and noticing that it was too much for myself they released me from many of them and gave me this specific service ( I feel like following in your footsteps).
So gurudeva the conclusion is that I feel very happy to be part of this wonderful ISKCON family being guided by our captain Srila Prabhupada and his beloved sons.
Hoping that one day I can render some service to you.
Aspiring to become you servant.
Bhakta temporary bachelor.
HpS - AGTSP paoho The real solution is to hear and chant Bhagavata Katha, (Holy Names, SB etc) as well and as often as possible. Then we will live naturally in the material world. Srila Prabhupada is so , so clear, for initiated devotee we must follow four principles strictly, other adjustments are to bring us to that point. As much as we are progressive our suffering from stupid activities will be minimal, but if we are trying to take advantage of the situation to indulge in nescient sex, drugs, rock and roll, then we will suffer and maybe slip completely. It seems you know this pretty well.
Of course, so many older disciples of Srila Prabhupada have become lax in these principles and tried to enjoy loosely talking with opposite sex, but so often then it goes to gross fall down and suffering and miserly humiliation beyond human imagination.
So, be progressive.