Dear Hanumatpresaka Swami Maharaja,
Please accept my humble obeisances, and all glories unto Srila Prabhupada and the guru parampara!
Today i was reading your kapi dhvaja report with your considerations for this year. I figure it is quite sentimental to say, "great, you'll be focussing yourself more on this and less on that," but what do i know? It is virtually impossible for me to understand your reasons, and that is good, for a frog in the well should realize he is a frog in a well, and not able to fathom an ocean. One other thought is that i don't like to read how you are losing time and energy with things a secretary could do for you, but that you do yourself, for probably good reasons.
This year was a really intense year for me, and lots of personal changes happened. What helped me through was our meeting last may, and the short talk we had. How things unfolded since made me realize that my expecations and reality can be / are different, and that what lays before me is what i need to surrender to. Simple, no? I sometimes ask myself, "Am i doing the right thing, following Hanumatpresaka Maharaja?" But when i think deeper, i always come to the same conclusion. It is spiritual life in full effect. Bhajana kriya, anartha nivrti, not some made up ideas about them, but for real, dealing with the cards life deals. And having to handle my particular psychological disorders, which i'm sure you see quite well, with your degree in psychology. Now all i need is your mercy to come naked before you. Not crooked, but simple.
Yes it would be wonderful to be back on the list officially and receive formal initiation on Lord Narasimha's appearance. It is a great opportunity and prospect. The world needs it's dr Frogs to come out of their well, and join the dance! I have not understood my real value very well yet, so i need time to be fully usefull as a soldier. But i feel all works out in time. You must have seen this in ISKCON yourself, after almost forty years.
There is one thing i'd like to propose to Uncle Gismo, please consider. Your blog is wonderful, always to look out for, but i miss to hear from you. Therefore, would you consider purchasing a recorder with which you record your classes? There are only a few recordings available online, while recording is pretty easy and iskcondesiretree can host practically for free for everyone to listen. I'm sure that if you make a purchase and post the cost in the next kapi dhvaja, that many are happy to help fund it, me included. It's a bit of a lousy request, to suggest this way, but i'm not affluent enough to just wire you money so you can buy one. Anyway, i hope you feel for the idea. I would be glad to be the one who polishes the classes and uploads them on desiretree, if you upload them unpolished on, let's say, Mediafire, a free online storage site, or i can fund an online personal storage space as an alternative. That is a simple solution with relatively little requirement from you, and i'm enthusiastic to do it.
HpS - ASA - jaya. maybe you have more mental problems than us, or we have more mental problems than you, but the conclusion is that it would be hard to live off the difference! AGTSP!!! Are you getting 16-4 done daily? That's the standard. Then after one year you can become formal Student, first initiated, in Lord Gauranga's School for Wayward Boys and Girls!!
We got an Olympus something somthing, so we could record some lectures that we give, but then how do we send them to you? We have Yahoo.com account but that is like 20MB limit???
So, i'm looking forward to keep following you and see what's next on this journey. I feel there's perhaps too little glorification in this letter, but rather this than being overly sentimental. I'm learning the art. Thank you for picking me up from my cesspool maharaja. Please accept me.
An aspiring servant,
Richard van Dijck.
HpS - NIce letter! But main thing we want to know is about you. Are you in the basic sadhana groove and going to complete six months by May?