Letters to the editor

On another note I feel a need to confess a lot of things to you. I held back on all this information because I felt for many years that I could fix this problem myself without doing anymore damage telling others, especially devotees. I've done enough damage already, but who really is my trivial soul in this vast ocean, which itself is like an atom floating in another infinite ocean. I think this letter might be too much, or I'm being proud, but I can't think of a good way to trim it down.

I think 2011-2014 were some of the worst years of my lifetime so far. To be truly honest HpS Maharaj, I contemplated a lot of things, to come to grips on understanding what I wanted to do. I actually don't regret that abominable incident I told you of years back. I do not blame anyone else, if it was a trick of the witch Maya then I am grateful. It's simply a reminder of the fallenness of my position, even if I hadn't committed it.  I contemplated leaving ISKCON, attempted castration to become eunuch or to killing myself and forgetting Krsna again. After years of writing, depression and thinking about my qualifications, I told HDG Srila Prabhupada the last time I met him in my dreams: he encouraged me to become a good servant of Krsna, but I replied that I think it would be better to become a good servant of the devotees. He had a very grave pause, then replied "Yes, that is correct."

I can only say that I'm not the servant of Krsna, nor Radha or any of their associates. Not lord Gaurahari or Nitai or their associates. I find my only hopes and shelter in a place among aspiring to be a good servant of HDG's servants, servants, servants, servants, servants eternally. I rest on the shelter in serving vaishnavas. Overcome all material desires and find that eternal desire to love and serve devotees in my stone cold heart. No more than that. I'm sorry I do not even truly desire that aspiration enough. Material life weaves a comfortable illusion of immortality, forgetfulness and complacency in myself. If I died today, tommorow or however, whenever, I pray that I will not forget this desire, ever.

I'm sorry to confide in you this idiotic and brutal honesty/sentiment from my material mind. I just wanted you to understand where I'm coming from, in hopes I can truly desire to aspire to be your disciple and serve your servants, somehow, someday. I thought confessing this would help for me to increase my desire to serve, get to my steady 16-4, and to be fair that you should understand what I think if I want to aspire to your lotus feet. I respect you greatly. Anyhow I'm just an idiot, I wish I could've and could do more. That I didn't have a stone heart and could really be the servant I want to be. Thats what I hope I'm going to school for, trying to be a better student, finding skills to serve.

I apoligize again if I offend you Maharaja. I'm not looking for sympathy or praise, just straight talk.

I want to humbly ask that this not be published publicly.

Please accept my obeisances at your lotus feet,

all glories to Srila Prabhupada

your aspiring fallen servant,

HpS - Well, we can't do that. Pretty much whatever letters we get have to publish unless people ask us not to publish them BEFORE they reveal their secrets. But we will publish in a different section with no name, but you have a little hearty ness, a little sincerity, so work with that. Go on with your Karma, don't let it bother you to much. Be as much a servant of Krsna or the servants of Krsna in consciosness of their purity of relation with Krsna and where than finishes try to be a good person. Then you WILL MAKE PROGRESS and taste the happiness of satisfying Krsna.

Haribol Hanumat Presaka Swami Maharaja,

Please accept my obeisances,

All glories to Srila Prabhupada

I apoligize Maharaj, the counter I meant was the one at the little Idaho gift shop I work at. Sometimes I meet interesting people, doctors, salesmen, travelers, teachers and traveling morman missionary sisters. I also meet lots of young great students with bright scholarships, education, future, 3.8-4.0 GPA's.. infinitely better potential servants of his divine graces blessings.  Funny though I made an agreement with these Morman missionary sisters that if I read a bit of the book of morman by Mr. Joseph Smith, then they'd investigate what Hare Krsna, ISKCON is. I think those who go out to teach and preach positively about God for service to their spiritual masters are the best and bravest people in the three worlds.. ... <img alt="laugh" height="23" src="http://hps-d6.monkeywarrior.com/sites/all/libraries/ckeditor/plugins/smiley/images/teeth_smile.png" title="laugh" width="23" />

Killing cows, abortion and super-bowl football.. I can think of a hundred different things relating or like these, in a sense they all pollute the heart. It's funny how for years I've never personally understood what a heart is. In songs, poetry.. etc. No clue what Jesus spoke in the bible or our acharyas were writing, what sastra says about the heart. When I don't feel what everyone else is feeling, I just assumed its some deeper sentiment inside the mind, all emotions/desires are bottled in the mind. Reminds me of a nice test my Psych. 101 teacher gave our class last semester, a chart to color/write where you felt emotions all over your body, to get a better perspective of yourself through understanding where you feel all your emotions.

It seems there are, infact other human beings who have softer hearts that can feel + desire and some maybe like me who also do not (at all or sometimes) ? Thats probably why ruthless torturer/murders are often called heartless monsters. Perhaps Kali-Yuga is the age of real heart disease? Hardening or polluting the heart from sinful activites, thus forgetting it. Then becoming atheistic and eventually losing all compassion for others inside our minds?

I wanted to inquire, Maharaj, if learning sanskrit IS a good use of time in service? I've heard some devotee opinions that we are not meant to become sanskrit scholars, but I felt a pull in my mind that I want to be able to understand sanskrit. So far it's actually pretty easy to read (you can read some derivitaves like hindi/nepali too if you learn the devanagari alphabet). Understanding the meaning of every word and conjuction + grammar is tough though.

HpS - Its good for some devotees. Prabhupada says that Nanda Maharaja could not read nor write, what to speak of the girls. He would hire some educated fool to do it for him.

But the girls, the gopis, new everyitng about the cosmos etc because they went to classes by the Brahmanas, saw puppet shows etc. So it might be good for you. You can get nice study materials from krsnaculture.com. We are using them and starting next Sunday.

Bhakta Reilly

Hare Krsna Gurudeva!!!

Todas las Glorias a Sri Sri Gaura Nitay!!

Todas las Glorias a Srila Prabhupada!!

Todas las Glorias a UD!!!

Queria decirle que le envie una carta para la celebracion de Nityananda Trayodasi pero por lo visto no la ha leido.

             HpS - Hmmmm!   Si era durante nuestra viaje al Sur, no estuvimos leyendo cartas!!

Queria contarle tambien que he vuelto a recuperar mi estandar: 16 rondas y 4 principios ESTRICTOS!!!!! y seguimos mejorando o al menos es la intencion.

Lectura del Segundo Canto del SB capitulo 4 y CC Adilila, capitulo 5. Hermoso.

Quiero contarle tambien que la realcion con Agustin no esta bien, y tenemos que tomar una decision definitiva pronto.      Espero que Ud. se encuentre bien de salud. Krsna es muy misericordioso pero personalmente no tengo la vision para ver esto dia a dia. Me despido. Jahnava devi dasi, su sirvienta. Hare Krsna.

ASA - Que significa la palabra "enzima"?
Eso es el resultado de 16-rondas entusuastas y 4-priinncipios estrictas!!. Podemos ver como Krsna esta bailando en entonces bailar en ritmod con El.
Super gracias sus esfuerzas. Ayuda a otros quienes tambien locos, como nostros.

Mas noticias!

Hare Krsna Gurudeva,

Please accept my obeisances... All glories to Srila Prabhupada, please forgive my offenses and I hope do not make many mistake in my english. I wanted to write about many things that have changed a little lately...My mom and I have started Bhakti Sastri, maybe we thought that it was going to be more dificult, hope your blessings and  and blessings of Srila Prabhupada to finish it well. Our service in the temple for now is guirnaldas, mantra Yoga(kirtan) on Sundays and some Festivals(if Radha Madhana Bihari want)...If we can enter to the pujari would be great, but so far that s everything. We hope you feel better about your health. May Lord Nrsmha protect you as always... HARE KRSNA <img alt="smiley" height="23" src="http://hps-d6.monkeywarrior.com/sites/all/libraries/ckeditor/plugins/smiley/images/regular_smile.png" title="smiley" width="23" />

HpS - ASA - AGTSP paoho.  Chosika is in Peru, Peru is in South America, South America is on the Earth, the Earth is a part of Bhu-mandala... Vaikuntha ...  Goloka!      You should realize you walking around in Goloka doing Krsna's business!     We hope that BhSastri is nothing but FUN and ENTHUSIASM...   Send more news as you finish different modules.

Thank you all!  Hope to see you in August.

Hare Krsna dear Gurumaharaja

Please, accept my humble obeisances

All glories to Srila Prabhupada
By the mercy of NIMSAR devotees I'm back on service. Our differences persist, but we're choosing the proactive way to solve them and if some of them cannot be solved it's fine too. I had a conversation with them and now I realize my position, my perspective about things. This is a great program I won't waste my opportunity because of my bad temper. I'm learning. Sorry for bothering you with my pseudo radical attitude, and thank you for your patience. I'll be sending you pending work in the next days, Gurudeva. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Your servant
Gandharva dasa

HpS - ASA - AGTSP paoho.  Thank you for your austerity. Austerity of the mind is far greater than austerity of the body.    We still have to get Nimsar up to standard if it is going to be a Branch of ASA.

1) We have to have as list of the Members, Officers and what are the qualifications for each.

2) We have to be approved by the National Council.

We made this Amavasya, 19/Thursday a deadline for this so please send any information as soon as possible.

Utsahan!!! (NOI 3)

AGTSP

paoho & bw  ..  We are still in Houston. it is 3.08Pm.   We answered letters. Made 7-phone calls. Nice Sankirtan. Now we will iron our clothes and make a little nectar to take to Sunday Feast at Caitanya caritamrta and Subhra's house. Govinda from Mexico should be there also!

Then we meet Hari-lila Das at 4.30PM and join his first Sanskrit class for the Sunday School kids, and then give the Sunday Feast lecture, and circulate after that.

After that we will be very, very tired and hope we can hear some Krsna book and take rest!

We really want to work on getting our ABC Curriculum document edited. What is the ASA philosophy and strategy for education. A lot of people want this, then we can show it tommorrow night at the BhVai symposium.

Tomororroowww is Ekadasi. >>====>