Aindavi's brief catch-up
Hare Krsna, dearest Gurudeva, please accept my respects; vanca kalpa...
Please let me offer my obeisances to you, to your sankirtana, to A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, Srila Prabhupada, to the guru-parampara, to the vaishnavas, to the Holy Name, and to the Holy Dham.
ASA - 💥 💥
I'm generally speaking, doing well right now. I mean, things get crazy here and there, I guess its the nature of this world. But I like to stay positive and open to learn and adapt to change, and ultimately accept what it is.
Sometimes it is painful and uncomfortable, and other times things move smoothly and harmoniously.
My health seems to be good, except for some insomnia that I suffer from (in phases).
I'm not working at the moment, my nanny job ended and I wanted to take a break.
I got my GED and passed with really good scores.
On February 16th I was honored in San Antonio, Tx by the Texas Association for Literacy and Adult Education with an award as the student of the year of 2023 for the coastal region.
ASA - 🐵 👍 👍 👍
I was granted a scholarship to start a CNA program (certified nurse assistant) which I'll be taking sometime between summer/autumn of this year.
Eventually I'll enroll into collage to get my bachelors in nursing.
Although I'm open to change careers if I find my call in a different path.
Still figuring that out.
HpS/ASA - What about cinema? Movie industry?
Also, still single. I like and do enjoy my singleness, I see a lot of perks of being by myself, on my own, and not involve in a romantic relationship.
Of course, I would like to encounter a nice guy to date first, and eventually if it feels right, then move into a relationship.
ASA - Maybe Krsna is jealous of anyone else, and wants you all for Himself! 😎
I'm taking therapy once a week. I'm spending a lot of time with my sister. I've been making new friends in different social circles as well, and being more active in my social life (which at some point it was null).
I go to the temple at least once a week, and participate in the kirtan program on Thursdays.
I performed Tulasi puja on Wednesdays at the temple for most of the year in 2023.
My sadhana is not great. I chant on japa inconsistently, but whenever I chant is because I really want to chant, genuinely.
I associate with devotees in the community a bit, I have good respectful relationships with them though, I wish there were more people my age, devotee girls that I could make friendship with.
I want to share in an honest and vulnerable way about me and why I didn't come to the temple much, even though you were here.
Sometimes I feel remorseful and kinda disappointed with myself, like I'm a bad disciple, not even a disciple, and that I have let go so many precious opportunities of serving you for not being fully committed to you neither to my spiritual practices.
I know I will never get back that time. Yet other times, I see it as part of my journey, and I don't feel guilty, I understand its something I need at this time in my life. I know life is precious. And I don't want to live with regrets.
For the last 2-3 years I've been putting more effort in reconnecting with myself, I'm in the process of getting to know who I am as a person, as an individual, with the less labels possible, what do I want, what do I like, what am I passionate about, what resonates with me and what doesn't anymore, and so on.
From previous direct and indirect experiences I was burnt out, and a part of me still is.
I have this belief that if I come too close to the temple (meaning the institution, with the rules, expectations, some devotees judging and telling me how to dressed, and so on) I could potentially be dragged in and lose myself again, and that's something I don't want to do again,
I don't want to change myself in the way that doesn't feel authentic to me and free.
But I like Krsna, I like you, I like the process, I admire devotees that are sincere in their practices.
I felt so happy when some of my god-siblings were visiting this yatra for your vyasapuja, it's like everything lighted-up!
I'm moving very slowly and cautiously, but I think I'm on the right track. Yesterday I booked my flight to India.
It's going to be my first time.
It's been one of my deepest heartfelt desires since I joined the movement in 2009. So I'll be flying out from Houston to Kolkata. This year is Maha-abhishek and the grand opening of Sri Nrisimhadeva wing at the TOVP; there's kirtan mela, and a lot of lectures to listening to from senior devotees.
My plan is to join the Navadwipa mandal parikram, and go to the Vrndavan Safari with H. H. Jayapataka Swami, then I will come back to Mayapur most likely to celebrate his vyasapuja.
We are talking about staying there for like 2 months at least.
We'll see how it goes.
I would like to ask for your blessings and your permission to enter the Dham, to really see and be focused there, to be able to experience that connection with guru and Krsna, to deepen in my spiritual practice, and to strengthen my faith.
I do want to experience Krsna with my heart.
I will be following a good sadhana at least for the time I'm there, behave well, and try to avoid making any offenses.
HpS - Or course you have our best wishes, Hare Krsna! Even more I think you have Srila Prabhupada's personal, heartfelt wishes.
I was wondering if there are any places you would recommend me or instruct me to go to, to serve, any songs to sing, any prayers to say either during the whole trip o in a specific place. What would be a nice meditation to have and mindset? May I ask please- what do you pray and meditate on when you are in the Dham?
HpS - Sorry that it has taken so long to answer this letter. Hope our feelings, and all other ASA Sangis has been communicated to you through your heart and by the paramatma in your special meetings in the Dhama.
Nothing really special comes to mind except, write a lot. Keep many, many journal notes, even if they seem mundane and simple, years later they will be windows on the Dhama!
I sincerely want to ask you to please forgive my offenses for breaking my vows. You are a great teacher, and I recognize I'm not following you as I'm expected to.
I hope you are getting well settled in your new place and pray my letter finds your in great spirits.
Ps. I want to thank you for playing mrdanga in mangalaratik last week while I was singing, that memory is very fondly to me. Thank you for showing me how to serve and worship Krsna.
Your [aspiring] "disciple" and well-wisher,
Aindavi dd
HpS - Fix some vow for Japa yajna for some time: Eg I will do 16-rounds, 4-regs all the time on my Yatra to India, but later maybe 4-rounds a day until the next Ekadasi. Something that with intelligent consideration you know you can do. Then do it! When the period has finished reconsider and take another vow.
Getting back to 16-rounds is a personal dealing with Krsna.
Actually doesn't seem that there is anything in our loving exchange with Krsna than our daily Japa vows.
It becomes hard, easy, tasteful, boring ... as part of the most intimate personal relationship we can have.
Do you have nice deities?
If not why not look for some in the Dhama?
Thank you.
