Dear Maharaj
PAMHO AGTSP
HpS - We previewed this letter. It is l o n g ! Yet we will take it as essential for many people.
Thank you Yajna..
Im trying to focus on my sankirtan, but my varnashrama situation is very disruptive. I’m now going to my husband’s city for my academy’s workshop (my sankirtan). He will repeat the same sentences he’s always told me: ‘I’ve moved on.
ASA - If things are as you describe you might want to point out in a sweet voice that he has not "moved on", "has, fallen down". Ha! Ha! Hare!
How to go forward with divorce? How to divide the home? I’m going to stop paying the rent for our old place now, since no one is living there.’ My contemplated response, “ok, but I’ve already informed you I cannot sign divorce papers.”
HpS - That's simple.
10 years now, struggling to find proper varnashrama situation. 4 yrs, my parents didn’t bless 1st relationship and now 6 yrs reaching end of marriage. At the end of 1st relationship I felt my chastity harmed. I was told real chastity is to Krsna, so now give up what’s not favorable to KC and marry another boy who was the personification of all that you don’t want in a husband but chants, does the ISKCON vratas and no onion garlic. Somehow, inconceivably, marriage with this second boy happened, (he even backed out after court marriage).
My spiritual mentors (my parents and counsellor, disciple of HH RNS) threatened to end their relationship with me if I didn’t go through marriage with this confused boy, while other sadhus encouraged it. Counsellor told: ‘Krsna will be pleased by this, you will go BTG if you do this marriage’. HH RNS, HG Adi Purusha Prabhu, HG Vrajalila Mataji, all encouraged to please parents. How then can such an intense sacrifice, giving into this marriage, lead to disaster? With this marriage now ending, my chastity this time is really being annihilated.
HpS - Wow. Not simple..... You are burning up
MOUNTAINS
of Karma. Some times when this stuff happens we think, "Maybe we were Putana in our last life time? Now we get the mercy of Srila A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami and Lord Gauranga!"
Is it too much to pray that my chastity not be annihilated now? Is even that desire wrong? Or now does our Lord think, it’s okay i fall off the path of dharma and remarry? How can such serious vows and principles be played around with? I’m really puzzled. My heart is really broken now. Krsna is Bhakta Vatsala, He saved Arjuna’s vows to protect that Brahmana who lost his sons, He heard Gajendra’s prayers, saved Draupadi’s chastity in gambling house. All these exalted personality’s prayers were in accordance to dharma. Isn’t mine also? I pray in the same way, may Krsna protect my marriage, so I can follow SP and please Him by walking on path of chastity so that the girls following me may have a good example to follow 🙏. Is this the correct prayer to offer Maharaj?
HpS - Super! You've already done all the work. Take a little rest. Seems that whatever Krsna is sending will be for you very deep benefit. Maybe you will be Gandhari next. There is no happiness in this world. Only austerity. If we get chance to do it for Krsna. Then that is super benefit.
No one around me seems to take this marriage breaking seriously, most advising to just move on. But you take it so seriously, you instilled these dharmic principles since young age in our heart, hence I’m trying so poorly to follow. If He allows it to break, how can I do these things?
HpS - What we have said is what he think we have understood from Srila Prabhupada's Sastra, personal application, but get advice from good Grhasthas who are going through these things.
If husband has big moral falldown. Best to be like Visnu priya and be first class Sannyasini, but I don't think I could follow that. Maybe. Really amazing things happend in this movement. Then ok. Third class is to get remarried after six years. Seems that may five of those years have already elapsed?
Be happy. Be a devotee. Kiss a frog who turns into prince.
On top of it all, it will become immensely difficult for me to forgive my parents. In my heart I still blame them for forcing me into a marriage that resulted in the annihilation of my chastity. They also aren’t elated about me waiting 6 yrs to remarry and now I also feel I won’t be able to follow this standard, maybe I shouldn’t have even married this boy in accordance to instructions. Maybe I want in the level to follow any standard at any point. (intellectually I know they are only instruments in this karma coming to me, but in my heart it’s very difficult for me to not hold them accountable for this).
HpS - Waste of time. Pray that they also have frogs to kiss.
It took me 2 years to prepare my mind to go against my comfort and marry this boy, to harmonise with KC path. Now it’s leading to a destination resulting in not being to follow SP or Krsna’s own principles of chastity for women anymore? Sounds like an act in the mode of ignorance instead of transcendental. Painful in beginning and end. I pray Krsna please protect me from now being so broken down by trying to protect dharma that I now leave His path all together. __/\o__. It’s really too much for me now. Maharaj, are these feelings important to Him? I did what He wanted, marry this boy (instructed by my spiritual mentor at that time). After making such an intense sacrifice, now it’s still going to result in going against shastra and SP. I have such strong doubts I will be able to wait even 6 years to remarry. SP says clearly in his purports that a women should not serve a fallen husband, but also should not indulge in prostitution by remarrying. Won’t our Supreme well-wisher, now protect me from falling off the path of righteousness? And grant me the fortunate ability to follow Srila Prabhupad’s standard? Maharaj, please pray for me 🙏. He is Bhakta Vatsala, how in His supervision can this happen?
I’m feeling so much pain at my eminent fall down. It was through you, Krsna instilled such principles of dharma in my heart. I’m feeling such intense pain at being on the verge of breaking them. Please pray for me! I pray that He may protect me so I do not fall off the path of dharma now. I’m constantly faced with divorce. For 10 yrs I’ve just prayed for a livable varnashrama situation. May this turmoil come to an end 🙏 and we emerge victorious in our attempt to live our life according to Srila Prabhupad’s direction ❤️. Will Krsna not help me in following His own path? Seeing our life falling off his path in such a grievous way, is killing us from inside.
your aspiring servant,
Yajnaseni DD
HpS - Hare Krsna.
Honestly speaking look for The Frog.
I mean, how can we expect Krsna to do miracles, if we don't expect them to happen.
Again, for how long has your husband been asking for divorce? For how long has not been chanting 16-rounds etc?
There are also all kinds of "divorces". There can be very clear declaration that this is a finishing of general legal responsibilities in a the secular sense of the law, but within religious context this is the situation.... also declaration that partner presented themselves as eternal follower of Srila Prabhupada, ISKCON, but gave up those vows and make marriage hell for other partner etc.
Alimony.
Best wishes for all.
Happy life.
