Dear Gurudeva,
Please accept my humble obeisance
All glories to Srila Prabhupada
I am studying a module called "Encountering World Religion". The previous module was about Philosophy of Education. I have to write a paper on the contribution of Montessori schools. My marks are good, I am happy [about] that although English is not perfect, it doesn't affect so much my ability to express my ideas in my writings.
I like the College, and I really like the career, however I am not completely satisfied, the quality of the modules is not constant, and the atmosphere is often charged with different challenges (administrative, social). I am considering of continuing the same career in UK. I think it may be more consistent. I feel afraid, because that option will be much more expensive, and changes is always challenging. I think I will need to work in parallel or even take a loan. I am trying to get enough information to take a mature [decision] information.
I also feel very challenged in my spiritual life. I am more critical, in the way that I [am] questioning myself in the deepness of my believes [beliefs]. How I can make my blind faith become realized faith. But I feel confused about that.
As I told you previously, I am having problems with my rounds. Sometimes I felt that there is not real connection, thus it doesn't make a big difference to not finish my rounds.
HpS - ASA ---- AGTSP paoho. It makes a BIG difference. Even if we don't have an intellectual connection what to speak of a meditation or emotional connection, doing our rounds in Karma yoga. By Karma yoga we come to Jnana, Dhyana and Bhakti yoga. Just do them because God wants you to do them.
Although, now I see I have more doubts, but I don't know if it is [a] result of a weakened practice or the weakened practice is result of the doubts.
HpS - It is a cycle. So you can improve it at any point and the other part will improve.
I am sorry I was not enough and sincere to identify my level before taking my commitments. However, my spirit remains surrendered and willing to take shelter in Krsna Consciousness as my dearest way to understand life.
Krsna Consciousness makes completely sense for me, just I need to deepen my realization to be able to be a successful practitioner, and not just maintain a superficial understanding. However I remember you told me that it will help me to practice even in a mechanical way. I accept that, but it is hard to do it as a daily practice. Please forgive my lack of maturity.
Your servant, Nitya Kisori dd
HpS - ASA -- It seems that we should have answered this letter immediately, but we could not, because of our own sinful nature and because of the actual circumstances of our service. In any case here is our answer. How are you now?
Are you chanting 16-rounds a day, even if they are not with attention?
