HKHR
AGTSP
AGTSSGN
PAMHO
Hare Krsna beloved Guru Maharaj
I really hope and pray to lord Nrisimha , that when you get this report, your health is better, at least that you are not suffering of too much pain. Inevitably, I think of my responsibility at trying to be your disciple in you feeling like this!!
I have to recognize that something I read in the blog got me a little crazy and insecure (not from you, a letter from another devotee) and left me in a state of mind that have made super difficult for me to be able to openly communicate with you and send my reports as I should. And I humbly ask your apologies for my weakness.
This second half of the year has been very complex. From one side, my daughter Antonia (15) did have academic difficulties at school, which can be resumed as a consequence of her lack of interest in studying, and almost everything in gral. Being she in a complicated age, and loving each other, she questions me a lot (not in a good way…in a fly in the ear way!!!) and is pretty intense with me. So she demands me a lot of “patience work”. With her father we decided to eliminate distraction focus, as internet, that’s why we haven’t been connecting to japa joe. But, she saved the year, so connectivity will come back to our home.
On the other side, regarding my service , since july i`ve been in charge of the temple`s restaurant, cooking, attending people and administrating. We have a very nice project ahead to offer to our beloved Srila prabhupada. I`ve been also doing catering for film productions, distributing prasadam to 300, 200, 500, 150,…. people each time.
Paralel to this, i`ve been helping as a manager in the treasury department of ISKCON chile. This been sort of an ungrateful service. Spite of that and considering the sensitive I am, I decided that as long as whatever the authorities does or want to improve is inside the frame of what Srila Prabhupada stablish for ISKCON temple`s administrations, im going to help with the service.
While the execution of my service, I have been able to realize the difficulties I have to mold my character; I lack tolerance and humility and that turns me into a time bomb. I pray to Krsna for Him to help myself in rectifying my anarthas, as in my own way im absolutely incapable.
Im chanting 16 rounds, following 4 rp and still.....feel so caught...
And maya….maya sometimes make me feel angry at Krsna, she makes me think “oh Krsna, if we already love each other, why do you spect much from me (this includes japa an 4p), why I have to make all this effort for going back to you….why don’t you just come for me??!!.
And for moments I wake up. And happily chant…and, as you said, I trust in that everything that Krsna does is good, and that things will happen in due time.
I have so much to thank to you GM, as you inspire me to go ahead with the process that SP stablishes for us, for going back home, back to godhead. Without your example and tremendous mercy upon this stupid being, I think that the bomb I am, would have already exploted.Thanks!
Hoping to count with your asociation soon..
Aspiring to serve you ,
Pundavanika devi dasi
HpS - AGTSP. So, we see you soon. It sounds from our distance that you are trying to do too many things. Better to do less and do them in a little more depth, but that is advice from 3,000 miles away. That can be good and bad.
Get advice from a lot of people.
Your life seems to be very normal in many ways and you seem to be handling it very well. If you just get up early and get your rounds done then everything else will go at the best possible rate: Family responsibility, Church work, Finances, Sankirtan, Learning Humility. Seems that you are creating more work for going back to Goloka than Krsna requieres. Still, there is no oxygen en Goloka! So you have to learn how to live without air. Do you understand? Then after that there are other attachments to give up.
