Hare Krsna Gurudev
Hare Krsna Gurumaharaj,
I offer my respectful obeisances to you, hope you kindly accept it.
HpS - ASA -- Of course!
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
This is a puppet of your disciple, or perhaps more precisely a puppet disciple of your, who is trying to address you, crying out for help, out of desperation and hopelessness.
HpS -- You also!? We have the same problem. Of course, even Narottama Das Thakura!! Regular things like Full Morning Program, 16-rounds, pull us through the days and we can really see that maybe we make some progress to such a very, very, elevated world as Sri-dhama Vrndavana.
It is like in the midst of an exhausting and confusing condition. Moments like when Arjuna, before the Kurusetra battle approached Krsna saying: Karpanya-dosopahata-svabhavah ..
‘Now I am confused about my duty and have lost all composure because of weakness. In this condition I am asking You to tell me clearly what is the best for me. Now I am Your disciple, and a soul surrendered unto You. Please instruct me.’
Yes, I am in the midst of tribulations not knowing what I should do, acknowledging my precarious condition, I cry out for your help. But there is a big difference between Arjuna’s surrender attitude and mine. There are traces of rebellious attitude originated from a very rooted false-ego; that even is refraining me to run toward you, like your little child that I used to be.
HpS - Smiling, we have to comment that you have always been a little bit of a proud child, but that is O.K. Radharani all the Gopis are little bit proud in front of Krsna. This process, community, keeps building up. We go years with different fruits ripening, and then we harvest them.
The remembrance of a meaningful experience in Vrindavan, during the first trip to the Holy dham under your full guidance and protection is my source of inspiration and strength now. Once, In Varsana -Vrajamandal Parikram; in a childish rebellious attitude, I was walking away from you all, then realising that I was about to get lost not knowing where to go. I turned back toward you, and there you were, watching me from the distance, and immediately, you showed me the path.. so, I just followed you.
This remembrance is giving the strength and pushing me to turn back toward you again. Here you are, watching me from a distance and ready to show me the path again?
HpS - ASA --- We can try. We are also learning so many things about how to do proper service. It is hard even serving on the level of a civilized person, what to speak of Vaikuntha Dhama or... We can hope that your sincerity will inspire Srila Prabhupada to use us as his instrument.
I cannot write details of my personal circumstances in this media. As I mentioned to you before, the blog blocks me .. Can I have the opportunity to communicate with you through another less public media? Please.
HpS - As always! We have done it before. This Blog is like the situation after a class. The class is public, so many people join, then after the class maybe 10, 15 people gather around and ask more intimate questions. It is naturally limiting who will attend. Your questions and perspectives are always so useful for so many devotees. You can articulate things that they can't so they see your well structured questions and say, "Ah, just what I was trying to say", and then read the answer.
Make this Blog some work.
Some people only like the Class, some only the Blog, some Individual Discussions, but doing some work to participate in all these media to some degree is our mercy on others.
Can you try writing to [email protected] with the participation of some responsible male member of your community if you are a lady (as I think you are). We will be very interested in communicating for the benefit of ourselves and the whole world!!
Thank you Sir.
My respects to you, Sir.
Please forgive me for my offenses to you.
Your puppet disciple
