Hare Krisna Gurudev!!
Please accept our humble obeisances!!
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!!
A very Dear friend of us (We can not disclose his name 🙄) is asking for the secret link to watch the 5th movie from ASA.
Can You please send it here?
Thank you!!
At your service.
Nikunja bihari das.
HpS / ASA --- We sent it. Did you get it???
Hare Krsna, Gurudev.
HpS/ASA - Hare Rama, Prof. Hayagriva avatara Das!
From wikipedia
Lederman explains in the book why he gave the Higgs boson the nickname "The God Particle":
This boson is so central to the state of physics today, so crucial to our final understanding of the structure of matter, yet so elusive, that I have given it a nickname: the God Particle. Why God Particle? Two reasons. One, the publisher wouldn't let us call it the Goddamn Particle, though that might be a more appropriate title, given its villainous nature and the expense it is causing. And two, there is a connection, of sorts, to another book, a much older one...
Hayagriva Avatar Das
HpS - Yes!!! Thank you. AgtSP. We are dying. Even now our eyes are hurting typing.
😃 We also read some time ago that Lederman did not like the name.
Prabhupada says that because they are impersonalists they look for God in the biggest, super nova, or the smallest, sub atomic particles.
Hare Krishna Querido Gurudeva Todas las Glorias a Srila Prabhupada🌺
. Por favor acepte mis humildes reverencias: Ha pasado mucho tiempo desde que no escribo, quisiera comentarle que mis rondas han estado estables, algunos días mas fáciles que otros. Por otra parte no he podido continuar con mi servicio de cocina y guirnaldas en el templo porque me encuentro con un problema de salud importante, pero ya se esta solucionando y la segunda semana de agosto me harán un operación en donde me van a extraer un quiste muy grande de mi ovario izquierdo y eso me impide hacer esfuerzos. He estado leyendo más, repasando Bhagavad gita, intentando tocar instrumentos y leyendo libros de Carl Jung para continuar mi servicio de reseñas de libros en NIOS. Quisiera compartir con usted que estoy en una relación con un devoto. Su nombre es NitaiPada, desde los 12 años es devoto, estudia mucho las escrituras, de profesión es Traductor y Profesor de Lenguaje y literatura; él siempre me esta enseñando. Estoy muy agradecida porque aporta mucho a mi vida espiritual. Su maestro espiritual es Bhakikavi Atulananda Swami. En nuestras actividades siempre esta leer ya que compartimos ese gusto y tocar instrumentos. Unas de las últimas lecturas a sido entorno a la importancia de tener un maestro espiritual y quisiera decirle que estoy eternamente agradecida por aceptarme, usted es un gran inspiración para mi y siempre mi deseo es ayudar en su Sarkintan. El maestro espiritual es el sol de nuestro vida espiritual y siempre nos mantenemos conectados a través del santo nombre. Por ultimo, en este tiempo he intentado tocar mridanga, gracias su misericordia eso va en buen camino 🙏
Para terminar le comparto algunas fotografías de mi últimos servicios y actuales.
Muchas gracias por toda su misericordia y gran asociación querido Gurudeva.🌺
🐒
Havihsara Devi Dasi.
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Hare Krishna, Dear Gurudeva, All Glories to Srila Prabhupada🌺
Please accept my humble obeisances: It has been a long time since I last wrote,
hps/asa - eight, agtSP, months?
I would like to tell you that my rounds have been stable, some days easier than others.
On the other hand, I have not been able to continue with my cooking and garland service at the temple because I am having a major health problem, but it is already being resolved and the second week of August I will have an operation where they will remove a very large cyst from my left ovary and that prevents me from making efforts.
I have been reading more, reviewing Bhagavad gita, trying to play instruments and reading books by Carl Jung to continue my book review service at NIOS.
I would like to share with you that I am in a relationship with a devotee. His name is Nitai-Pada, he has been a devotee since he was 12 years old, he studies the scriptures a lot, he is a Translator and Professor of Language and Literature by profession; he is always teaching me.
I am very grateful because it contributes a lot to my spiritual life. His spiritual master is Bhaktikavi Atulananda Swami.
In our activities we always read since we share that taste and play instruments. One of the last readings has been about the importance of having a spiritual master and I would like to tell you that I am eternally grateful for accepting me, you are a great inspiration for me and my desire is always to help in your Sankintan.
The spiritual master is the sun of our spiritual life and we always stay connected through the holy name. Finally, during this time I have tried to play mridanga, thanks to your mercy that is going in the right direction 🙏
To finish I share with you some photographs of my last and current services.
Thank you very much for all your mercy and great association dear Gurudeva.🌺
🐒
Havihsara Devi Dasi.
HpS - AgtSP. Atulananda Swami was follower of Paramadvaiti Swami?
He is outside of the ISKCON institution?
Such a relationship can work but is unusual. Require creativity and sincerity.
Middle picture is of you an Nitai-pada?
Is he same age as you?
Thank you!
Dear Guru Maharaja, please accept my humble obeisances.
All glories to AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada!
In connection with what you wrote here (and in many other places you mention the same point)
https://monkeywarrior.com/detail/15208/
"If people are dressing themselves falsely as leaders of the institution but at heart are self seeking demons then we shall chant Hare Krsna, Hare Rama, praying for Rama and Krsna to save all the honest members of Srila Prabhupada’s ISKCON, and if They want us to kill demons it will be obvious that we are just Their instruments."
How could I be sure that Krishna and Rama want me to "kill" demons in ISKCON? Of course, I do not want to kill anyone, literally. However, there may be particular ISKCON laws and attitudes that I do not want to sign to or follow, and I may be embarrassed to be in such an organization.
I know that first I should look into my own heart and all the garbage there, and deal with that. Still, sometimes, some actions/words/expressions of others I do not approve. I am not sure if I should go into a clashing of thoughts with ISKCON authorities, because my experience is that it causes a lot of emotionally surcharged words and dealings and, in the end, it may not give (my) desired result.
I am mindful that all the answers could be given from Krishna in the heart if I am sufficiently clean and the sattva guna (visuddha sattva?) predominates in my consciousness. But then..., as I was doing until now, better I keep my mouth shut.
Another point is that I believe that many things can be told, but there is a way how to say it (internally (the mood) and externally (the tone and expression)). Like not judging the person(s), not attacking their personality, not calling them bad words, etc.
And..., I remember your story with a TP from San Francisco, when you talked with him openly (in private) and he talked back to you openly, explaining why is he acting in the way he is.
If it is possible, would you like to comment on this topic, apart from chanting better japa, getting up always at 4 AM for mangala arati, praying to Krishna, reading SP's books deeply, talking with other devotees, minding my own business, etc? To be clear, I do not have anything against these activities. I am asking if there is more elaboration, help, advice, and experiences in connection to this subject.
If you would like to answer by audio or video, that is very fine with me. If that is the case, I will need to know where is the file/recording.
Thank you, again, and again!
Your servant Namacarya Das
HpS - Hare Krsna. I remember our travels to Lucknow. 🙂
One example of this was also in the Berkeley Temple.
After Mangala arati we were chanting Japa in the temple room. is big. holds 200+ people.
and i walked into the lobby.
there was one street guy, maybe 26 years old from Telegraph Ave who used to visit the Temple a lot, but he was on some kind of drugs, and was saying very offensive things about Prabhupada.
he knew enough KC to really irritate the devotees.
there were about six b'cari's there just about to tear him into little pieces. he was physically threatening everyone.
quite spontaneously as i walked past him i dropped, got him right in the solar plexus with my right shoulder and bounced him off the wall behind him.
he fell to the ground stunned.
the b'caris picked him up and tossed him out the front door,
and at breakfast he came back really miserable.
begggggging for forgiveness.
apologizing for everything
and devotees accepted it.
i just kept on walking.
i think it was KRSNA using my Karate conditioning.
i didn't plan it.
afterwards everyone felt good about it.
i felt,'hey, i'm really cool', but realized that it was KRSNA.
b'caris were glad that they didn't fight with a basically good guy.
o.k?
another one is yuddhisthira. he was guided by God, the Brahmanas and vedic literature, so bhisma said that even though he caused the death of 640,000 people it was cool!
chant hare krsna [god], talk with six nice devotees [brahmanas] and find justification in prabhupada's books [vedic literature], then you can take big recourses.
is some help?
Bg. 1.23
Translation
Let me see those who have come here to fight, wishing to please the evil-minded son of Dhṛtarāṣṭra.
Purport
It was an open secret that Duryodhana wanted to usurp the kingdom of the Pāṇḍavas by evil plans, in collaboration with his father, Dhṛtarāṣṭra. Therefore, all persons who had joined the side of Duryodhana must have been birds of the same feather. Arjuna wanted to see them on the battlefield before the fight was begun, just to learn who they were, but he had no intention of proposing peace negotiations with them. It was also a fact that he wanted to see them to make an estimate of the strength which he had to face, although he was quite confident of victory because Kṛṣṇa was sitting by his side.
—-
Dear Guru Maharaja, please accept my humble obeisances.
All glories to A. C. Bhaktivedanta Srila Prabhupada!
Question about everyone on the side of Duryodhana - were they all really birds of the same feather? Duryodhana was evil. I suppose most of people will agree with that. Was Bhisma evil? Or Dronacarya?
It could be said that because they were on the wrong side, they are the same. However, birds of the same feather mean (according to my understanding) people who have similar characters or interests, especially ones of which you disapprove, and who often spend time with each other.
Based on this meaning, we can see that Duryodhana, Bhishma, and Drona have distinct personalities and differing interests. Additionally, it is unclear how much time they spent together.
Sure, I may be wrong.
Now, saying that, I would like to introduce another perspective or background.
One perspective to my inquiry is that Srila Prabhupada and sastra (often) use absolute words like all, nobody, everything, nothing, always, never, only. Still…, it looks that life and existence itself have nuances. Somehow, I reckon, these are overlooked in some of the devotee gatherings, lectures, talks, etc. By doing that ISKCON (in part) tends to be fanatical, overly orthodox, and unduly stern, which can provoke unduly harshness towards others and devotees themselves.
Please, if you deem it appropriate to answer, I am all ears (eyes).
Thank you!
Your servant Namacarya Das
hps - thank you. hare krsna.
i think you're right.
can we say that bhisma and drona did not 'join' duryodhana?
they felt they had to fight pandavas because it was their duty.
they even wished arjuna victory, no?
prabhupada said that one reason they were in the opposite side was to show that no matter how materially, morally, powerful the opposition is, it cannot defeat KRSNA, The SPOG.
Nicely complex.
Dramatically complex! 👍
Second thing, yes also, that is hyperbole, no? Say, 'he is the greatest', but meaning that as a category rather than a unique post.
i think it is more common in ksatriya speak. they like to see things in black and white so that it is a simple fight!
need women preaching to women.
girls preaching to girls.
puppies preaching to puppies.
then we can catch the neophytes and then they will understand the superficial differences and appreciate how we have ksatriyas in iskcon, emotional women.
it is a big army. we need all kinds of people, no?
Dear Gurudeva, begging for your forgiveness, please accept my humble obeisances.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!!!
I hope you are well as always, your body (sacred to me) is just the vehicle for your pastime in this world... Before I was very worried about your physical health (spiritually you were always the healthiest) but now I know that Krsna protects you very intimately...
Please forgive me for writing you so much, I have been putting off this report for a long time... It is also an offering to Srila Prabhupada in his Vyasapuja.
I am not good at telling you what I do, in general terms, traveling, trying to support Iskcon as you asked me, as much as I can, a little pujari, education, kirtan and a little preaching... Krsna is in the heart and he knows how much I have tried. I would love for you to know the details... But it's hard for me to tell you, please forgive me...
On the other hand, my fatal astrological phase "Rahu" is passing (I have one year left), and even though I did not follow the precautions, because I felt inflated, proud and sure... And you see, it has not gone well for me... But it is passing, now it only affects me physically, mentally I think I am overcoming the problems... Sorry to speak to you in astrological terms, I just want to explain myself and tell you a little about myself, and how I feel internally.
Now I am in my country, I returned to see Karuna, because she could not go to India... I chose to come to Peru to see her, otherwise we would have to wait another year for that... She is fine, she also follows her vows and sings her rounds... It was only a vacation of almost two months and then she returned to the Bahamas... She wants to work, and I have respected her wish. I think that since she didn't do it before to take care of our children, now she wants to experiment and although I don't agree, I have respected her decision, and I try to support her as much as I can...
Sita is fine, also doing her thing, now with Sergio, her husband also in the Bahamas. They are good kids, I'm sure they will soon be better spiritually, just like Arjuna, he lives in Peru with his wife... Struggling materially, but they're not doing badly and spiritually a little cold but with a very good conscience... I was with him for two months, he's a very good son just like Sita, each one in his own way. Forgive me for telling you about them just now, when you had asked me a long time ago...
Maybe I was hoping to be in a better stage. Now it's not the best, but I'm fine, not so much materially because I continue to live a missionary life and depend on Krsna, as you told me a few years ago. Anyway, it's not easy... I still want to go back to my school and work like before or start a business. But for now they are just strong motivations that come and go. It's been four years and Krsna is taking care of it...
I'm taking some time to check on the health of this body, I'm a bit careless about that, but at Karuna's insistence I'm doing it. Also, now that I'm in Peru, I'm going to deal with the complaints that have been made to me. The astrologer told me that I was going to experience these events, in reality it's milder than he expected... But I must admit that I wasn't good at taking care of myself or protecting myself, I was very inflated... The force of destiny is usually very powerful.
Spiritually I am still trying to get closer to Srila Prabhupada as you suggested... I don't know if I can get as much love as you or your godbrothers and sacrifice everything to serve him... I don't know... But I have a strong desire to keep getting closer to him and follow that instruction. Not externally like before... The practice is different now, I have started from scratch, but I want to do it deeply... With a real sincere desire, not to practice for any other reason... And it is often difficult... So far it has been difficult, I think I am at the stage of recognizing that there was a lot of niyamagraha... And I am still, I am not expert in overcoming it completely... But I am recognizing "niyamagraha" especially "continuing for the sake of continuing" and when I recognize it I try to correct myself.
So at this point, I regret to tell you that after so many years I am just beginning the process as it should be, in fact, I am still trying, it is my period of transformation I think...
I only regret having committed so many offenses at your feet, at the feet of Srila Prabhupada and at the feet of so many other devotees, family, friends, etc. I have not done anything serious, not even the complaints, but I am aware that we cannot satisfy everyone, and that I am sure that I will inconvenience many in some way, so that now it is reflected in my current karma...
So, I can only constantly ask for your forgiveness and Srila Prabhupada through you... I am sure that I will continue to make mistakes, because I am still a spiritual child, and I ask for your forgiveness in advance. I can't promise you not to make mistakes again, but I promise you that I will continue fighting...
And although I ask forgiveness from everyone I meet, I would like, through you, to also ask forgiveness from everyone, family, friends, devotees whom I have inconvenienced in some way, consciously or unconsciously, or committed offenses in some way. Now more than ever I understand that without the blessings of the Vaisnavas, no progress can be made... Effort alone is not enough... We need their mercy...
I hope you can forgive me.
And as I said, I am going to personally ask everyone I met... It is not superficial, I am really sorry and I feel very repentant.
I hope you forgive me...
HpS/ASA - Hare Krsna. AgtSP.
Paoho.
Nice to hear from you!
I think many readers feel it is nice to hear from you!!
People shock me emotionally, hurt me, but i remember that srila prabhupada says in one purport in ,?, the Gita, that we should not become our enemies enemy.
vaisasika das says, 'don't become a victim'.
stay in control of your own destiny.
listen... is the offense, assault, justified? O.K. correct it. there is no mistake that we cannot rectify.
is it some paranoia that the assailant has? are they projecting their problems on us superficially? then we should be madhyama adhikaris and avoid the demoniac.
hare krsna, hare rama,
in vrndavana only KRSNA and RAMA kill demons, except when HE empowers us to do it.
so... we have not been offended by you, we have nothing to forgive.
you are our fellow employee in srila prabhupada's busness!
What plans do I have? First of all, I was very afraid that you would ask me to take Sannyasa, because I am a bit fanatic with your instructions, and my fear was because I do not feel capable or qualified, and it is not my aspiration. I have a very marked tendency to develop envy of others towards me, probably because of my ego. I wonder what would become of me, being in the "focus" of Sannyasa...?
hps/asa - 🤔
Also helping Karuna to cure her demons helped me to cure mine (We are still working on that) and I feel very indebted to her, and I would like to remain as grhastha or vanaprasta in this life with her, I hope she wants to too, we are still married, and I hope you can understand that please.
hps/asa - sounds cool! sannyasa is very, natural, very practical, but for certain people. in general we should appreciate it as the standard for normal psycho social relations.
one meditation is how it will help karuna mayi devi dasi et al.
maybe i got ready for it in my last lifetime.
Also I have no talent to do big things... I was thinking what service can I do that can help you? And while it is true that I love education, academics make me feel rejected and I could never help you well, despite my efforts... I feel that my best service was being your servant... The Gurukul and other things were incredible, but serving you personally was the moment that I remember the most...
And I am doing my own therapy to accept that I will not be able to have your "vapu" association anymore in this life, and to resign myself to that and to not being able to serve you academically or to have found a service that pleases you... I am trying to overcome all that.
hps - can you develop some skill as a journalist? you have to find you 'voice'. that is nice. giving people chance to travel with you.
Thinking like this, I thought what service can I do for Srila Prabhupada? I hope I can please you too, but you see, I lack the talent to do great things...
hps - constantin stanislavskii: in the drama, there are no little parts, only little actors.
For all that and for some very small achievements in the Holy Dham, I have decided to serve you in the field of congregational preaching, to humbly try with my tools, so that the congregation can unite and organize itself and in that way develop Iskcon, seeking more and more as Srila Prabhupada wanted it to be done... Is that okay?
hps/asa 🐵👍👍👍 maybe work on a movie based upon real people. tell some stories about/for the community.
I know that I have asked you for me to resign from Iskcon and it may seem contradictory, but that is precisely where I see that I can help.
hps - we can resign from posts in the institutional iskcon, but not from the circle of iskcon friends, nor ultimately from being direct servants of srila prabhupada [though so many transparent via media].
any institution in kali yuga is imperfect. 80% perfection the best i hope for. then being sankirtan partners in a reasonably functional institution seems perfectionable.
It is enough of a challenge for me, and it is enough of a humble one for my little talent...
Is that okay with you? Or do you have another option for me?
hps - as above. five thumbs up. 👍
Up to this point, trying to be as honest as possible and with the greatest sincerity, I tell you that there are no more plans for this life on my part... If Krsna wants something, it will manifest through Srila Prabhupada and through you, we will be attentive.
hps - fine!
I love you very much Gurudeva, thank you very much for everything.
When can I repay this debt to you?
At your service, your aspiring servant AmD.
hps/asa - your association in choseeka, laksmana, many others was very inspiring to us. how can we all take birth in nabadvipa with NIMAI unless we get free from some attacments in this life.
now we will look at the rest of the blog 🐸 letters and maybe we can answer a few.
it, the position of the sun, is 5.40pm in richmond, va. our health is recovering a little from making the fifth, last DTC movie.
on the way to spain.
follow us on twitter.
we need a personal servant.
Querido Gurudeva, implorando tu perdón, acepta por favor, mis humildes reverencias.
Todas las glorias A Srila Prabhupada!!!
Espero que estés bien como siempre, tu cuerpo (sagrado para mí) es solo el vehículo para tu pasatiempo en este mundo... Antes me preocupaba mucho por tu salud física (espiritualmente siempre fuiste el más saludable) pero ahora se que Krsna te proteje muy íntimamente...
Por favor perdóname por escribirte tanto, he estado postergando este reporte buen tiempo... También es una ofrenda a Srila Prabhupada en su Vyasapuja.
No soy bueno para decirte lo que hago, en líneas generales, viajando, tratando de apoyar a Iskcon como me lo pediste, en lo que se pueda, un poco de pujari, educación, kirtan y un poco de predica... Krsna está en el corazón y el sabe cuánto me he esforzado. Me encantaría mucho que sepas los detalles... Pero me cuesta mucho contartelo, perdóname por favor...
Por otra parte, mi etapa fatal astrológica "Rahu" está pasando (me falta un año), y a pesar que no seguí las precauciones, porque me sentí inflado, orgulloso y seguro... Y ya ves, no me ha ido bien... Pero está pasando, ahora solo me afecta físicamente, mentalmente pienso que estoy superando los problemas... Perdona hablarte en terminos astrológicos, solo quiero explicarme y contarte un poco de mí, y de como me encuentro internamente.
Ahora estoy en mi país, regrese para verme con Karuna, porque ella no podía ir a India... Elegí venir a Perú para verla, si no tendríamos que esperar un año más para eso... Ella está bien, también sigue sus votos y canta sus rondas... Solo fueron unas vacaciones de casi dos meses y luego volvió a Bahamas... Ella quiere trabajar, y yo he respetado su deseo. Pienso que como no lo hizo antes por cuidar a nuestros hijos, ahora quiere experimentar y aunque yo no esté de acuerdo, he respetado su decisión, y trato de apoyarla en lo que pueda...
Sita está bien, también haciendo lo suyo, ahora con Sergio, su esposo también en Bahamas. Son buenos chicos, estoy seguro que pronto estarán mejor espiritualmente, igual que Arjuna, él vive en Perú con su esposa... Luchando materialmente, pero no les va mal y espiritualmente un poco fríos pero con muy buena conciencia... Estuve con él dos meses, es un muy buen hijo igual que Sita, cada uno a su modo. Perdóname por contarte de ellos recién, cuando me habías preguntado hace mucho...
Quizá estaba esperando estar en una mejor etapa. Ahora no es la mejor, pero estoy bien, no tanto materialmente porque sigo haciendo vida misionera y depender de Krsna, como me dijiste hace unos años ya. En fin, no es fácil... Todavía tengo ganas de volver a mi colegio y trabajar como antes o a emprender un negocio. Pero por ahora son solo motivaciones fuertes que vienen y se van. Ya van cuatro años y Krsna se está encargando...
Estoy tomando un tiempo para ver la salud de este cuerpo, soy un poco despreocupado en eso, pero por insistencia de Karuna lo estoy haciendo. Además ahora que estoy en Perú voy tratar las denuncias que me han hecho. El astrólogo me dijo que iba a vivir estos acontecimientos, en realidad es más suave de lo que el esperaba... Pero debo reconocer que no fui bueno cuidándome o protegiéndome, estaba muy inflado... La fuerza del destino suele ser muy poderosa...
Espiritualmente sigo tratando de acercarme a Srila Prabhupada tal como me lo sugeriste... No sé si pueda obtener tanto amor como tú o tus hermanos espirituales y sacrificar todo para servirlo... No lo sé... Pero tengo un fuerte desde de seguir acercándome a él y seguir esa instrucción. No externamente como antes... La práctica ahora es diferente, he empezado de cero, pero quiero hacerlo profundo... Con un deseo sincero real, de no practicar por ningún otro motivo... Y suele ser difícil... Hasta ahora ha sido difícil, pienso que estoy en la etapa de reconocer que había mucha niyamagraha... Y aún sigo, no soy experto en superarlo completamente... Pero lo estoy reconociendo "niyamagraha" especialmente "seguir por seguir" y cuando lo reconozco intento corregirme.
Entonces en este punto, lamento decirte que después de tantos años recién empiezo el proceso como debe ser, es más, aún lo estoy intentando, es mi período de transformación pienso...
Solo lamento haber cometido tanta ofensas a tus pies, de Srila Prabhupada y de tantos otros devotos, familares, amistades, etc. No he hecho nada grave, ni siquiera lo de las denuncias, pero si soy conciente que no podemos satisfacer a todos, y que seguro a muchos incomode de alguna manera, para que ahora se este reflejando en mi karma actual...
Así es que, solo puedo pedirte constantemente perdón y a Srila Prabhupada a través tuyo... Estoy seguro que voy a seguir cometiendo errores, porque aún soy un niño espiritual, y les pido perdón por eso anticipadamente. No puedo prometerte no volver a cometer errores, pero te prometo que voy a seguir luchando...
Y aunque pidiendo perdón con cada quien con quién me encuentro, me gustaría a través tuyo, también pedir perdón a todos, familares, amigos, devotos a quienes de alguna u otra forma conciente e inconscientemente incomode o cometí ofensas de alguna manera. Ahora más que nunca entiendo que sin la bendiciónes de los Vaisnavas, no se puede hacer ningún avance... No basta solo con el esfuerzo... Necesitamos la misericordia de ellos...
Espero puedan perdóname.
Y como dije, voy a pedirles personalmente a todos con los que me crucé... No es superficial, realmente lo siento y me siento muy arrepentido.
Ojala me perdonen...
Que planes tengo? En primer lugar tenía mucho temor que me pidas que tome Sannyas, porque soy un poco fanático con tus instrucciones, y mi temor era, porque no me siento capaz ni cualificado, además no es mi aspiración. Tengo una tendencia muy marcada en desarrollar envidia de otros hacia mí, seguro por mi ego. Me preguntó que sería de mí, estando en el "foco" de Sannyas...?
Además ayudar a Karuna a curar sus demonios me ayudó a mí, a curar los míos (Aún estamos trabajando en eso) y me siento muy endeudado con ella, y me gustaría permanecer como grhastha o vanaprasta en esta vida con ella, espero que ella también quiera, todavia somos esposos, y espero puedas entender eso por favor.
Además no tengo talento para hacer cosas grandes... Estaba pensando que servicio hacer que pueda ayudarte? y si bień es cierto me encanta la educación, lo académico me hace sentir rechazo y nunca pude ayudarte bien, a pesar de mí esfuerzo... Siento que mi mejor servicio fue ser tu sirviente... Lo del Gurukul y otros fue increíble, pero servirte personalmente fue el momento que más guardo...
Y estoy haciendo yo mismo mi propia terapia para aceptar que no podré tener tu asociación "vapu" más en esta vida, y resignarme a eso y a no poder servirte académicamente o haber encontrado un servicio que te complazca... Estoy tratando de superar todo eso.
Pensando asi, pense que servicio puedo hacer a Srila Prabhupada? Que pueda complacerte a ti también, pero ya ves, me falta talento para hacer grandes cosas...
Por todo eso y por algunas muy pequeñas realizaciones en el Santo Dham, he decidido servirlos en el ámbito de la predica congregaciónal, intentar humildemente con mis herramientas, a que la congregación pueda unirse y organizarse y de esa manera desarrollar Iskcon, buscando cada vez más como quería Srila Prabhupada que se hiciera... Está bien?
Se que te he pedido renunciar a Iskcon y puede parecer contradictorio, pero justamente es ahí donde veo que puedo ayudar.
Es suficientemente un reto para mí, y es suficientemente humilde para mí poco talento...
Te parece bien? O tienes otra opción para mí?
Hasta aquí, tratando de ser lo más honesto posible y con la mayor sinceridad, te digo que no hay más planes para esta vida de parte mía... Si Krsna quiere algo, se va a manifestar a través de Srila Prabhupada y a través tuyo, estaremos atentos.
Te quiero mucho Gurudeva, muchas gracias por todo.
Cuando podré pagar esta deuda contigo?
A tu servicio, tu aspirante a sirviente AmD.
