Hare Krsna Guru Maharaj!
Please accept our humble obeisances. All glories and jaya Srila Prabhupada!
We are very sorry to hear about your tooth Maharaj. So many nerve endings in the teeth. We will pray that this pain ends soon for you.
HpS - ASA -- AGTSP!! Well, we were able to just see it as "noise" rather than "pain" for a large part. We can see that the pain is giving your jaw, body, social impression, over to "noise". Get ready soon. We are all going to become noise.
Maharaj, things have been busy (thank Krsna for that). I have been appointed through an emergency situation to be in charge of the 5th and 6th grade classroom. I was teaching full time a month ago but now it is part time as a Composition, American History, Grammar and Literature teacher. It has been amazing and a lot of hard work. I have permission to now incorporate Vaishnava comparative studies the last 10 minutes of Literature and History (i.e., we study Figurative Language and thereafter look at Figurative Language in Suradasa's poems. In Literature we read about the life of impressionist painters and compare the paintings to Impressionist style paintings of Lord Caitanya made by no-name listed, pre-19th century Bengalis in the book Birth of Kirtan!). Everyone, including the parents, seem happy with this approach. I feel more and more dependent on Krsna though! I do not have my Masters in Education, so I have to really prove myself and my abilities (sincerity is there, but abilities to teach are developing as I practice the art of teaching). Thank Krsna everyone is tolerant of me while I learn the ropes.
Sadhana has been okay. I will get up between 6-7 every morning and chant as much as I can, get Aja ready, do some mangal arati. I am reading every day but it is all over the place: mostly to prepare material for Values class or Comparative Study.
I have seen some successes this year in being able to give up previous material desires. Simpler life, simpler housing situation, giving up non-devotee association (I was hanging on to some association of artists out of sentiment only, but now there is not as much need for this nor is there any time for this!) I went out on books alone yesterday and now I do this every Saturday usually with a group. Gunagrahi Maharaj was just here for a visit, and Maharaj explained that some material desires are hard to give up and sometimes impossible to give up for the time being. For example, I was struggling with this idea of family getting together for Thanksgiving! I still wanted to DO that, so I cooked for Nick's parents a prasadam feast. I think this delegating of desires and transforming them into KC desires is going okay. But there are a thousand others in the deep mine of material desires the closer we get to sincerely performing Krsna Consciousness. Somedays I am so overwhelmed I just need to write or play a silly game with Aja. When is distraction healthy distraction Maharaj? Should it always relate to Krsna Consciousness, even our distraction?
HpS - We hear that Srila Prabhupada told the devotees in Hawaii, that if it did not interfere with their service they could swim for 45-minutes every day. Hmmm. Sometimes we just have to relax the mind, or get brain-strokes. Look for the most KC diversion you can get. Four principles is good standard.
I think it is really a matter of being sincere and seeing how much you have indulge the brain and body to keep them fit for service. Experience is a great teacher.
BUT, (and I know this is a big but) I know so much of my struggles are unnecessary. I am speculating, but the situation with Nick seems to be Mayadevi's personal construct to detract me and simultaneously attract me to a devotional path. My realization is that if I can go deeper into studying scriptures in a more regulative way and making this my life and soul, I would not be so torn up about the everyday calamities. I want to ask you Maharaj how to develop this mood of absolute dependence on the scriptures. I pray for it, but I am still so distracted.
HpS - The Gopis didn't know how to read and write, Nanda Maharaja didn't know how. He would hire some educated fool to do it for him. They would watch puppet shows about these things andd understand it all. Hour in the morning, hour in the evening. One standard. That can some with Aja, some with devotees. Some before breakfast.
How to eat better? Experiment with different diets.
I have a feeling this is my next step to not just being a normal person with normal tendencies towards laziness and lamenting. It seems to be what separates a bhakta from a Vaishnava.
HpS - It is one things that separates a Madhyama adhikari from and Uttama adhikari.
I am now about to start my internship as well as a class on Evidence based counseling to finish my degree. Part of me does not even want to finish school (Haha, silly, I know!!) because I am already very busy with teaching 25 hours a week and keeping up with my sadhana and Aja. I am incredibly scared that I will lose my sadhana and service if I take this on. Let me know if you have any advice!
HpS - Of course, don't do anything that doesn't first INCREASE your attachment to Japa-vraja and 4-principles and Full Morning Program. Krsna will send the Prasad if you do that.
I will ask Hari Vilas's and Madhava Chandra's as well. You are very merciful for listening. I hope, that maybe I can incorporate some Jungian approaches towards psycho-therapy into my practice. I am looking forward to your paper on this.
Your lowly servant,
Kamagayatri dd
HpS - We got our first response to our letter yesterday from Dr. Kitsikis. He forwarded it to the head of a big Turkish Sufi movement and said that he would have interest in what we are trying to do. That's all I hoped for, that our first approach to authorities would be re-directed to more appropriate people, then we can write more and more focused stuff!
Thank you four your news. Of course, the real focus seem to be getting up for Brahma-muhurta.
More news.
