practical ways to let go illicit sex fom a fallen man
hare krsna maharaj. pamho.agtsp.
hope you have complete your trip in Peru.
I will write another letter to you regarding book publishing/distributing efforts in Mumbai.
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I remember once you said, if i contribute to this blog, it would be good help to you. Hence I am writing on a topic which I think is very much relevant for many blog readers ( it was for me atleast).
i am also writing this because as a Sannyasi I think it is uncomfortable for you to write on this topic in detail.
Whatever I am writing HH HpS you can modify them at his will.
My Background and qualification to write any suggestion on this matter:
I have been watching and hearing illicit sex from the age of 16 years (currently i am 30), but now I have stopped it completely. Due to this problem i married, but i preferred to have a kid. My struggle for last 10 years has given me tangible results, though i could have easily obtained more if i would been just a little more austere and sincere.
To whom this points are meant for: Anybody in this world suffering from this disease, but I would restrain it to any one in touch with ISKCON and not able to follow one of the regulative principle of illicit sex. I expect boys to have suffering more from this disease. Hence this suggestions will be less relevant to girls (but not irrelevant)
definition: illicit sex- there are many concepts but broadlym they fit in [a] sex outside marriage [b] sex without desiring producing KC kids.
In my understanding i stick to defnition mentioned in NOI 1 as it is definitely what Srila Prabhupada wants
"In a similar manner, the urges of the genitals, the sex impulse, can be controlled when not used unnecessarily. The genitals should be used to beget a Kṛṣṇa conscious child, otherwise they should not be used. The Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement encourages marriage not for the satisfaction of the genitals but for the begetting of Kṛṣṇa conscious children. As soon as the children are a little grown up, they are sent to our gurukula school, where they are trained to become fully Kṛṣṇa conscious devotees. Many such Kṛṣṇa conscious children are required, and one who is capable of bringing forth Kṛṣṇa conscious offspring is allowed to utilize his genitals".
suggestions
1. Please stick to above definition of NOI-1, even if you can not follow it. We should not change our goals just because we can not acheive it or think it is diffiult to acheive it.
2. Honesty is the first step in improving., So if you are indulging in illicit sex, please accept it. And pray to vaisnavas, Guru Parampara and Krsna to recover from this evil disease.
3.Stick to canto 1 and 2 in SB. in 2.2.12 (SB ) it is
" So purification means getting free gradually from sex desire, and this is attained by meditation on the person of the Lord as described herein, beginning from the feet. One should not try to go upwards artificially without seeing for himself how much he has been released from the sex desire".
4. Accept this at face value "illicit sex casue violence (physical/verbal)" it is not pleasure but only pain as Krsna is absent from it.
5. Dont watch/hear any illicit material as it violates both definitions. If you are single and can not follow such defintion then in my understanding one should accept his fallen condition and get married. If you are already married then its better to produce kids, then indulging in such activities. I have done some reasearch on moral harmful effects of this "ILLICIT INDUSTRY", its living hell.
6. Many men think we dont have income to support Kids and we can not control our desire, hence they indulge in this activity violating real definition and justify themselves by definition A. In my experience Kids help you to purify this desire. Practicaly speaking
i. Kids take up lot of your time, hence you dont have resources to indulge in
ii. If you keep on mediating that this Kids should be trained in KC, you will purify yourself ( even if you have
flashbacks due to sinful youth)
iii. Kids give you higher enjoyment than enjoyment of genitals (even if you just think of your happiness than
Krsna's).
Regarding less income or resources ( hence the concept of over population): Its better to give children happy(happiness is state of mind not possession of assets) and moral home, rather than giving amenities and fees to pursue higher degree. Krsna wont let your child starve!!!!!
7. Its strange one female doctor asked me to indulge in illcit sex (just violating definition NOI not defnition A )as it will reduce anger and improve relationship with my spouse. I tried it , but found it was wrong. As written before ILLICIT SEX (according to NOI ) causes violence. Lots of marital conflict between spouses can be reduced if we stick to NOI definition.
Its better to built relationship with spouse on higher platform( god, guru, temple, nation, community,kid ) than just animalist genital level.
8. If your wife thinks she needs to work instead of begitting kids. As a caring husband please tell her facts compassionately. Its natural for women to have and play with kids (even Materialistic agrees with it). If she is working to support you, tell her to relax then you(man) take this task at hand. You put your trust in Krsna & Guru Parampara, they will be happy with such honest endeavor.
Another reason women prefer to work outside is self-esteem. They feel satisfied in work outside. This is primarily because the husband mistreats her or treat her just like maidservant, cook and nanny. This is wrong, she is doing great service to Krsna and man kind by JUST taking care of kids and home. Praise her austerity genuinely and see SB guidelines how to treat wife.
9. Many men think they dont themselves dont need sex , but their wife does, so they indulge in it. In my understanding women can be happy in peaceful home,with a respecting and caring husband, and basic mateiral comforts. If she does not get these then her sex desire might be more. Secondly if she is really (lusty), then tell her, there are no free lunches in this material world (atleast be a Karmi). The price for having sex is to care of Kid for atelast 20 years.
9. Outside you will see many women (advertisement or workplace) dressed inappropriately. Have compassion on them as they are being misled that way to be happy is to flaunt one self and have wealth.
10. These are general guidelines, one may need to adjust details personally
thank you Maharaj for reading- I hope this helps me follow the definition of NOI-1 more strcitly.
regards,
passionate horse
