Hare Krishna, Gurumaharaja,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
Since last letter some major things have transpired in my life, of which i wish to inform you. First of all, August 6th our second daughter was born, healthy and beautiful, named Madelein Anandini.
Because my life has been highly irregular since, i have not chanted japa regularly.
HpS - ASA - Thank you for this service to this new devotee! Look for the time. One round here. One round there. You will become som much better servant of your babies if you do this sacrifice for purification. At least keep track of how many rounds you have fallen behind and later you can chant them, like old Prasadam.
I mostly take care of our eldest, and my wife of the youngest. Besides this, i still work my job in irregular hours (6 am - 2 am). All was too much on me, so i slacked. Up till august i was pretty fixed, and it is only since a week that i feel that i am getting back on track. The will is back, though the understanding of the need for chanting never faltered. I have to admit that i transgressed one of our principles a handful of times. It was bad conduct; it was calculated.
HpS - ASA --- Oink! We are third class learners some times!
In retrospect, i see that, apart from the big family demands and obligations, i have been through a small crisis, like ones i have seen before. Just before the delivery, we had a kirtan event which for me was very powerful spiritually. Then i kind of lost my touch. Earlier in my devotional life, i lost touch twice, after i realized i couldn't match up to the people i looked up to, after first feeling myself their equals. This was like a sort of disgrace, because i realized they saw through me and i saw myself acting like a fool, and so i withdrew myself.
HpS - ASA --- Ha, ha, Hare! We are all going to falldown big or little. It is more important how you get back up!!!
Something similar happened again this time, but it feels now i'm recovering from that much faster, and without the leave. It is like getting up after falling, and i see the goodness of that; the getting back up. However, i am apprehensive that humility again will not go deep enough to prevent things happening again. Pigheaded is the word, me thinks. At least understanding of that specific mechanism is coming gradually.
HpS - Enthusiams is the most important, no? But without patience then we will go sloW. Make progress, but perfection may take a few more weeks.
The good thing about these last two months in the desert happened on the intellectual level. I found myself connected to Hridayananda Maharaja and his Krishna West approach, and more so about his inter religious presentation. In my work i meet many elderly Surinami ladies. Surinam is a former colony where African slaves worked and lived alongside locals, Hindus, Javan and Chinese immigrants, and they lived together happily. I meet many Hindus and Christians, and many know about each others faiths, but generally there is a lack of deeper understanding of Indian history and philosophy, and so i get identified as a Hindu often. Personally, i don't like to be identified as someone who likes Indian culture, because i don't, and with the help of Hridayananda Maharaja, i have been able to have many successful spiritual conversations, in which sometimes i helped broaden understanding, and sometimes was able to explain more about Krishna's teachings about the soul to Christians. Also, my understanding of various Christian groups and their particular ideology is broadening. So i feel very enlivened again, in a way that seems new to me in my career in Krishna Consciousness. Even though i fell down in sadhana, at least this aspect of my devotional heart and mind kept flowing.
HpS - ASA -- Jaya!!!!
Before i really got attracted to KW, i purposefully wore decent normal clothes on harinams, so as to give a signal to people who saw us, that you can look like a Western guy when you're a member of ISKCON. This was inspired by meetings i had on sankirtan, where several young, spiritually oriented people told me they would not take to KC because they didn't wanna be like identified as a Hare Krishna because of our personal presentation. Of course this could be called shallow to some extent, but to me it indicates that people here in this country have reservations to join a group that expects its members to follow certain dress codes and wear tilak on their faces.
HpS - ASA -- Lord Caitanya dressed like a Mayavadi!
So i think i was a 'member' of KW before i knew it.
In Amsterdam, our temple has opened doors in a new center since earlier this month. It is a rental, and management is still saving for the down payment of 100k for buying property. There are no residential quarters, so that is a bit unfortunate, but the center is nice. It has a good kitchen, and bright and decent temple room.
My apologies for a long letter, but in conclusion, i mostly wish to apologize for intentionally breaking my vows. I have suffered from it, and i am climbing back up. Perhaps you still find me a candidate for your guidance and mercy. It saddens me to read of your struggles, but it also gladdens me because of how you deal with it and keep adjusting and keep going strong.
Param Vijayate Sri Krishna Sankirtanam!
Your aspiring servant,
Raghava Pandit das
HpS - We were wondering more, and more often what had happened to you! Seems that this is one thing that you might add. Write a little more often! Your War on the Witch, is personal and individual. The White Witch will help you! Krsna and Radha and all the Gopas and Gopis are watching (and eating popcorn??).
About 91% of what Hrdayananda Goswami says I agree with. I think similar to him and Satsvarupa Goswami.
Please give our great respects to your good wife and here great work!!!
Temple news next week?
