Hare Krisna beloved Gurudev,
Please accept my humble obeisances,
All glories to Srila Prabhupada,
It is so nice to participate in MA on SM every morning with you and devotees.
As you already know i catched up my rounds and now we are ok with 16 rounds a day and 4 pples striclty. We are even chanting extra rounds.
Now for me is time to think about my asram service. I feel myself in a very dangerous position, as if i had a sign which says AVAILABLE AND SEEKING.
My life is intense Gurudev, i have about 1200 patients (80% are women), i have two little kids to raise and i'm alone.
Up to this point the only thing is very clear to me is that i want to be part of this SANKIRTAN movement, be part of ISKCON life and serve under your guidance through my whole life and beyond.
My doubt is how to accomplish this, wether to marry again or jump to vanaprastha and so on.
I remember you told me to wait until second initiation to make this decision. But i feel to make the final call i have to experience get into a relation again.
I have very clear in my mind that defining my asram wont solve any problem, that we didnt born to be happy but to make austerities, so i will have to make them wether grihastha or vanaprastha. duhkhalayam asasvatam.
To be honest with you i feel myself more as a grihastha than a vanaprastha, but i'm scared. Sastra is convincing :
" Highly advanced spiritualists therefore recommend that one should not enter the gṛhastha-āśrama. It is better to prepare oneself in the brahmacarya-āśrama for austerities and remain a pure brahmacārī throughout one’s life so that one will not feel the piercing thorns of material life in the gṛhastha-āśrama." (SB 5.14.18 purport). Also i had a bad experience before.
Lately i started talking with your beloved daughter Candramukhi dd and we get along quite well. I see her as a serious and chaste lady who really wants to serve in this ISKCON Mission, so i feel we can make a good team to serve. She helped me a lot with my sadhana and i really feel inspired to protect her and her mother and sister.
An astrologer told me that we have very good compatibility like 70% and the spiritual aspect of both is good but there is a nakshatra ( i think is a constelation) which makes that i will suffer a lot by her (ufff!!). Anyway Krisna is stronger than billions of Rahu so for me your opinion is the most important.
So Dear and Beloved Gurudev, I have already given my life to you, so whatever you tell me i will do.
Do i have your benediction to start a formal relation according four principles with Candramukhi dd or i should remain alone until i take second initiation?
Runing to reach your lotus feet
Nikunja Bihari Das.
HpS - AGTSP! Paoho - - Hare Krsna! I think that it might possibly, maybe, perhaps have a chance of working if you have the special mercy of the Supreme Master of all the gods, time, space and destiny in all the universes combined. <img alt="angel" height="23" src="http://hps.monkeywarrior.com/sites/all/libraries/ckeditor/plugins/smiley/images/angel_smile.png" title="angel" width="23" />
With those reservations, "Yeah, why not!"
Talk with a few other people, both of you write down what you plan for/from the relationship for the next few months and then after that re-evaluate things.
In general it is not such a big deal. You seem to have already realized that to a large degree so do it and everybody go on with figuring out what is their Sankirtan.
