Dear Gurudeva,
All glories to Srila Prabhupada Patita Pavana
All glories to ALL devotees!
Please accept my humble obeisances at your lotus feet.
Well, this letter is very very important for me, but if you consider that is not urgent, please answer me when you think necessary.
I had special mercy to take association with a great soul last week: your God-brother, HG Mahatma Das and many strong and deep feelings that never had felt, happened in my heart and still there until now. I don't want that sounds sentimentalism but it's what I feel and my mind can't leave to think about it from I started to know him through his classes, interviews, kirtan until before he left. And I felt so confused and guilty because of that things.. because I had started to think about our relationship of guru/disciple and because I doubted about my diksa guru - you - because that feelings was really strong. I can't describe it. So I told him and he calm me saying, among other things, that It's not unnatural to feel affection for many devotees as I can have many siksha gurus, and it is not unnatural to have deep affection for one or more of those gurus. And.. if I really feel a very closed connection with him now or later as a diksa guru, I should present to you honestly. So here I am. I feel that deep connection with him but also guilty because this could have been avoided, perhaps waiting more time.. Anyway, I really need to be honest with you although hurts, because you are my gurudeva for whom I feel so much deep affection and this won't change. But all these days, I am getting up with a very big weighted backpack because of this feelings that I could. Because Also You are in my heart.
I have been followguiding 4 principles, 16 rounds, doing fixed services in the temple (pujari an altar decoration), studying bhakti sastri and still in all of that. I will continue following your instructions trying to serve to Srila Prabupada's mission and getting association with your amazing disciples. I really need to open up to you and to my god brothers and If you please, I would really like to still serve you. I going to still being your disciple until I leave my body because of your mercy I can be someone in this life. Please forgive my offenses. I don't know how should I proceed now... I need your blessings.
Sincerily,
trying to serve you with love and affection,
Bhaktin Belen.
Pictures of Radhastami
HpS - AGTSP. Paoho. Such a nice letter, thank you. This is why we have "Nectar of Devotion" from Rupa Goswami. If we are going to study chemistry it can be very dangerous combining chemicals without proper guidance. We can blow up our house and our parents with it.
On the other hand Krsna understands that we are fools so He doesn't give us scissors with points, but gives us the kids scissors with rounded points etc.
I think you might like Prabhupada's persprective in SB 8.24-50-53.
Unless we understand that Diksa, Siksa, Pati, Astra, Rasa Gurus are all just representatives of Krsna and that Krsna is our Master, Friend, Father, Beloved then we will find it hard to organize these different relations.
Mahatma Das and I are friends. We have served in different parts of ISKCON so we have not had a lot of detailed asociation, but as far as I know he is a very nice devotee. How are our "Gurus" connecting us to Srila Prabhupada? How are they, Prabhupada, connecting us to Lord Gaurasundara...
O.K? It seems to mee that you should just keep Srila Prabhupada in the center and then you can see all of this disciples as Diksa, Siksa or others types of Gurus clearly. Of course, even in Goloka people are growing their relationships. Some follow Radha, some follow Candravali, some follow Pallika and some are mixing both. Rohini, Balarama's mother, participates in both Vrndavana and Mathura lila.
Hare Krsna!
