Dear Siksha Guru Maharaja, Hare Krishna;

HpS/ASA - Sudama Swami said that when he was with SP in Japan he asked him what was a Siksa guru, and SP replied that anyone who enlivens you in devotional service by citing from the scriptures or previous Acharyas is a Siksa Guru.

He asked SP, "Anyone?", and SP responded firmly, "Anyone". 👍

. . . please kindly accept my most humble obeisances; all glories to Srila Prabhupada; all glories to your good self, his faithful and devoted servant; all glories to all the devotees of Lord Chaitanya, who have dedicated their lives to the spreading of the holy names of the Lord. I have been struggling with trying to find a peaceful moment to be able write some things down, but in my domestic world that seems like a most impossible opportunity. It seems that I am forced to take the time out of my japa to write things.

🐵 🐖 🐖 - Yup! ... but not too much time, no?

I find myself reflecting the many turn of events in my life, particularly during my years as a devotee. It's during my japa period that I can peacefully reflect on how it's all been Krishna's mercy. The tears of sadness and moments of laughter; the blissful association and the painful separation of devotees. It is a very overwhelming experience. When I feel such peaceful moments I can face myself and acknowledge my faults, and my failure to surrender: all of these thoughts are solely due to Krishna's mercy. In this way I can better understand that there is nothing outside of Krishna's mercy: even misery.

It's amazing how these thoughts all come to me during my japa.

I am supposed to be focused on my chanting, and instead my mind is fixed on these sentiments, hoping for some solace or tranquility.

I feel embarrassed with offenses and inattentiveness during my japa. All these thoughts seen to come to me, as if Krishna wants me to know of them and to be aware of them. But I also feel as if Krishna wants me to see how He hasn't pushed me away, in spite of my poor character and offensive chanting: again, His special mercy.

This much I can take in when I am feeling peaceful and serene during my japa. When I am feeling disturbed, it is another matter all together.

I find great comfort in my japa period in spite of all the mental distractions. I find it almost unbelievable how something so incredibly simple, as chanting Hare Krishna can be so calming.

It sounds almost too good for something to be so simple and so true.

I am convinced that Krishna is real, that He is really there in the sound of His holy names. It's beyond my comprehension to explain.

ASA - We are pretty convinced that we are talking with you, and not an AI robot that has invaded your house!!

In the evenings, when the temperature is cooler and things seem to quiet down, I am able to finish my rounds in the backyard. As the sun is setting I reflect on the verse from first canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, "ayur harati vai:" how our lives are diminished with each rising and setting of the sun.

I then wonder about life, why we are born and the inevitable death that awaits us all. I reflect on Krishna's instructions in the Bhagavad gita about working "under His protection." I simultaneously feel within me the confidence that Krishna is protecting me, and at the same time hoping that He is going to protect: remembering all that I have tried to do in my life as a devotee. All of these things go through my head when I am supposed to be chanting, begging Krishna to please engage me in His devotional service. What kind of japa is this?

HpS - Second class???

I do it a lot!!!

I know that my words sound foolishly sentimental, and perhaps even like some mode of sahajya mentality. In addition to my japa, I have found it within me the willingness to visit the temple, but only once every few weeks: and then again, only when no one is around, save and except for the pujari on the altar: I still don't trust or feel safe. How offensive that must sound! At home, our Deity worship continues, as does our japa, daily readings and online classes. And on occasion some books will go out when driving for Uber. I recently acquired a couple of hundred small books for distribution, so I am very hopeful that Lord Chaitanya will allow me to remain connected to His Sankirtan movement through my work.

HpS/ASA - Did we mention Jayananda Das'a Taxi-kirtan? asa[e] - Sankirtan; Jayananda's Taxi-kirtan.

He would put a nice big book on the back seat and when the next passenger got in they would mention, that there was first class book in the back seat.

He would say, what's it about, there was a really interesting Indian guy as my last passenger. He must have left it.

Then the passenger would read SP's book and they would talk about it.

He would suggest the passenger take it with him, and usually he would, and give nice tip.

And with this much having been said, I will close here, hoping to remain a beneficiary of you ongoing kindness and mercy. I am very confident that Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krishna are waiting with all eagerness to shake your hand and congratulate you for your own selfless life of devotional service: inasmuch as Lord Vishnu shook Lord Brahma's hand at the dawn of creation: Hare Krishna.

HpS - Krsna is very greedy, egoistic person. He really wants to enjoy life, so even the tiniest contribution is greedily scooped up by Him and henchmen!!

Your lowly servant,

Balabhadra dasa