Hare Krishna Guru Maharaja,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I hope you receive this in good health and spirit.

HpS - Only by Guru krpa! Other wise we should have died at about 65.

I've read in your updates about your physical struggles, and since my body is also giving me trouble with ageing, i can appreciate it more. I admire your strength in maintaining your purpose. Please find below a general update.

Tom Brown - Please find attached a photo of General Ape.

We are still a family, two daughters 8 and 5, doing relatively well. Surroundings are below average, kids education and development above average. Physically going through challenges. No strength of determination to chant 16 but i do 5 or 8. Listen to classes and audio SB or CC, read with children (Hanuman / Ramayana, Krishna Book for Children, right now Dr Edith Best's Learning English books with spiritual stories, and with the eldest we always read the "Golden Book" Srimad Bhagavatam First Canto for children before sleeping.) We listen to devotional music at home, but not all the time. Plus the children are half Russian, so that also gets attention.

TB - Top half? Bottom half?

I have devotee friends with whom i meet regularly and others with whom i call. We visit home programs, and we organise kirtan events occasionally, also in connection with ISKCON Amsterdam. Occasionally a book goes out (i carry them with me on walks). So it's still going steady, but at the same time i don't meet my vows with chanting. Some days i don't have the time or the mental (+ spiritual) energy, and some days i just relax.

My favourite days are when i have insomnia and get down to chant in the middle of the night, because the rounds are usually the best, but sometimes it is too much and i just have insomnia and no strength to chant. To chant while undergoing mental or physical challenges is really next level chanting. I never quite managed to pull that off.

HpS - Just lie on your back with your eyes half open and your beads in your hand and chant: Haw!

Ray!

Krish!

Na! .... Realizing that EVERYTHING in the three worlds will the maximum benefit from yhou sacrifice.

As for internal matters, i experience progress in seeing Krishna in everything and everything in Krishna.

TB - !

That's basically my life in a nutshell. Basically i do believe that Sri Sri Radha Gopinath or Sri Sri Karuna Nitai Gaurachandra still accept me because i do feel connected, but finding myself a wayward disciple because of the above, i don't feel very much part of our monkeywarrior yatra. I seek your blessings in finding a siksa guru with whom i can physically associate.

HpS - Me too! Krsna is so, so, so, so kind, no? https://vedabase.io/en/library/sb/3/2/23/

Before i forget it, you mentioned Journey to the West, and i've read Monkey (the Arthur Waley Edition), and it was such a fabulous story!! A good reason to burn incense.

ASA - And be celibate, and only drink monastic wine, and be vegetarian, and try to get an as you like it cudgel. Then you could become the Duke of Amsterdam and set things in more order.

Still with mixed feelings of dedication and fear of rejection,

Your aspiring servant,

Raghava Pandit das

HpS - Hey, could be a L O T worse. You seem to be on the right path. As you get older and your daughters marry young men just like you, you will get a lot of impetous for Sannyasa life. You wife will be pleased with that and your daughters will fight over with whom see stays.

Work on getting more energy. How to honor Prasadam better. Does your donkey need more Pasta?

Start your own business.

Don't work for others.