Hare Krishna Maharaja! Jaya Srila Prabhupada!
Please forgive my consistent inadequacies and forgetfulness.
Maharaja I felt I had really fallen off the path and hit rock bottom recently. My mentality had almost entirely shifted back to before I associated with devotees, but somehow from within my heart I began to cry a little bit for Krishna. My attraction and aspirations are returning. Due to my own foolishness I have been dragged around everywhere, usually wasting a lot of time, but somehow the "hard way" is the only way I seem to learn. I do feel that I am waking up and starting to see how I can develop my own life and be in connection with Guru and Krishna. I am writing you to touch base, let you know I am still alive and also that I miss you so much. Thank you for the numerous times you allowed me to stay in Murphreesboro with you. I will always cherish those memories. I am desperately hoping to establish sadhana in my life again. I have started to chant on beads a little bit and reading sashtra. Presently I am living with my parents on their farm in Illinois, working a little doing odd jobs and trying to save up a little money and move on from here. I have no real goal or set vision yet. It would be nice find a good sangha where I fit in nicely. One thing my parents have offered is to pay for me to go to massage school, is this an acceptable profession for Krishna devotees, or is it not favorable to touch the bodies of non-devotees?
ASA - Sounds little gross. I don't think you would like it. You are too mental. In some ways, Grhastha ashrama seems like a necessity. Of course, must pray to Krsna to send a proper partner. Then in that relationship, career is more obvious. If it takes a couple of lifetimes, don't worry. We come to this human form of life after hundreds of millions of other births. If we see we are making substantial progress at each step, then two lifetimes are SHORT. Take birth in Nabadvipa in your next life time as Nimai's puppy?
You are so special Maharaja and I wish I could be by your side, I hope someday soon we can cross paths again.
Hare Krishna
HpS - Sorry it took so long to answer this letter. If you read the Kapi Dhvaja you can see why. NGD asks about you all the time. It will tell him tonight! More news. The adventures of a wandering miscreant.
