Hare Krishna maharaja

Dandavat pranam at your lotus feet.

ASA - Obeisances to your tulip feet.

As I said I will start again .I started but couldn't chant regularly or wake up for mangal aarti . Getting back to proper standard is again the goal . And I will keep trying . I reduced coffee (just few sips whole week ) which I will stop . I made the coffee but then throw it mostly after one sip.

HpS - ASA --- !!!! You don't need no caffeine. You just need a love injection from God!

I introspected and realized my fall down mental and then gross started since April 2017 . In the middle I used to be strict .I remember following everything from August 2017 to November 2017 properly . December 2017 I had met you and then you advices me to return the sila . After returning back I felt more discouraged that even Krsna doesn't want to accept service ..And I slowly deteriorated more .Sadhana became more bad . In between I follow few days and then I don't follow few days .This has been going on whole 2018. In June 2018 my health deteriorated and Krsna punished me for my sins I guess . But his punishment is also blessing in disguise I hope . In Vrindavan I had many times that I want to die soon and it seems he has accepted it but with a twist .

I have realized one thing that I cannot be in the grey zone ..I like being either perfectly following or not following at all. The middle way is not for me .You had once said" the paramhansa platform is the only platform in this movement "

Now I choose to follow .I want to follow and elevate my self . I will aim for the highest goal. At least when if I fail I will consider that I at least tried.

HpS - So many times I realize that it is my choice if I want to be happy or sad. All I have to do is SMILE... "Hare Krsna", and I have a positive attitude!!

So again I will try to follow all the things I promised 16 rounds , 4 regs , mangal aarti and srimad bhagawatam and deity pada sevanum.

HpS - I am flattering you when I say that we need you. You have great personal challenges from your Karma, but you can see that other devotees have conquered similar challenges. Of course, yours is different, personal, individual, but when you become deep, then you can do it and become a responsible person in society and this movement. When you are sixty years old you will offer shelter to others.

One thing I wanted to inquire . Do you want me to keep chanting my gayatri mantra or stop chanting them. And if u suggest that I stop chanting them then should I keep wearing the brahmin thread or open it . (I do not want to be a pretender).

HpS - Don't create big social problem if that will be the result in your Yatra. If it will help, that you are showing people that you need help then remove it. Until you are following first initiation standard for at least one year then I think it is best to stop. The chanting may have a reverse result. "One who does good my friend in never overcome by evil", Krsna, BG.

The gayatri I used to keep chanting during the whole time of my fall downs (irregularly but still I used to chant .)

Please advice me in this regard.

Regarding Mumbai I am ok with staying with you if Rama girudhari prabhu allows or I can try to arrange to stay separately ( I do not want to give trouble to you or him ) Whatever is comfortable to both of you.

HpS - Just work out the details with him. I am happy with any arrangement.

Thank you .

Trying to get back to standards and be connected to you again as diksha disciple.

Rturaj krsna das.

HpS - How are the Daddy, Mommy, Family??