Dear Maharaja

  Please accept my most humble obeisances at your lotus feet

  All the glories to Srila Prabhupada

  All the glories to Sri Vijay Gouranga Nityananda Ram!

  I hope you are doing very well, my deepest sympathies may go with you and my deepest desire for you to being kept by Krishna in good health thru Prasadam dear Maharaja! 

 I have been keeping my sadhana pretty active, even with ups and downs, for many reasons that would never make a good excuse, but would be seen as a rock in my path to devotional service. i have attended to mangal aarti on a regular basis this month, December definitely was my best month as i was able to stay in the temple for almost the whole month, but January and February have been a little bit more difficult... in matters of  being in a foreign country and having hard time to keep or find a job, im still having time and enthusiasm to go to the temple, assist in almost a daily basis to B.G classes, make garlands, help in the kitchen, clean and wash Prabhupada's clothings as my main services, still i want to learn how to do the aartis, as well im reading a Bhakti Sastri guide and studying B.G and "Sankhya, the metaphysic of the 24 elements" as light reading. 

Days have been hard, the sadhusanga here has become very very hard to keep due to so many issues among all devotees. I'm having a hard time, i question my faith every day.. why do i go to the temple? why do i assist to B.G reading and classes? what is that keeps me attached to go to mangal aarti and make garlands? I'm starting to question myself more and more lately and somedays i just wake up feeling I'm not worth it, that i would never be able to heal all my anarthas and become at least a devotee. its like cement on my feet walking with all these doubts... i sent you a letter like a week ago and i might feel as maybe if you get to read it, that it was more like a fake report than anything..i wasn't feeling happy or enthusiastic at all. i don't feel right hiding how i feel, and even when being honest can be an excuse to be lazy or to justify the making of mistakes, its the only tool i have left to show my mistakes, my misbehavior and to reach thru answers that would help me to get what i need in order to become a better person, to fix this mess of a mind i've got and so, become a better devotee. i might not be the most fallen, but I'm sure i am the person with the biggest mess in her head about her faith and devotional life. 

 hope to hear soon from you dear Maharaja!  

HpS - ASA -- I hope you have been reading the Kapi Dhvaja. Has Patraka Das been translating them?   We have not noticed lately!   We are struggling like you in foreign countries etc. The only solution is to do the best we can do. If you find value in Prabhupada's books or following his instructions, then do it. If you find value in the Prophet Mohammad then do it.

That is our religion. Doing something for Krsna with the help of an Acharya. Yes, problems with ur religion. Problems with our family, problems with our body, government, weather, Kali yuga, but....  !     ...... big advantage, at any time you can chant Holy Names and make progress!   Then your shelter under and Acharya like Srila Prabhupada will be more and more solid. then... 

Took us two months to answer this because of thes11-weeks traveling.

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