All glories to Srila Prabhupada

All glories to His Holiness Hanumat Presak Swami

Hare Krsna dear Gurudeva, please accept my most humble and respectful obeisances.

In fact it is strange to write again, it seems that from my thoughts to my actions there are many years of Brahma in between.

This is very difficult for me, I'm confused, I feel lonely, dirty. The decision by majority was to leave the temple. To tell you the truth, I thought that everything would be simpler. "It's not a good time for you to be here" - they told me. "Follow your dreams, I'm glad you're flying".  Is it recommended to look for a job? To study? Go to another ksetra to intensify my sadhana? Or go back to the temple? My spiritual desires are mixed with my reality and conditioning.

So many fantasies, memories, and ideas pass through my head. I really put myself at your feet, my vision is very short, my senses very impertinent.

I know I must go little by little so I don't fall. My main objective is only to fulfill my promise. A year has passed since that very lucky moment for me, I did not deserve it. But I thank you infinitely for carrying me. I feel so weak without your closeness.

Mom agrees with everything I do, she wants to visit the Cueramaro farm with the devotees. Mother Gauravani insists that she spends some time there. Dad quit smoking. I warned him about the risks of doing it... Other family members have tried some prasada that I have prepared for them. I missed so much spending time with them.

I want to continue painting. I have read more about God in Prabhupada's books. Purification from Sankirtan, distributing books, is truly refreshing, a relief, a respite for the soul. I was going on buses, person to person, on Harinama... Different modalities until finding myself. The temple president, didn't let me out, I think sooner or later he was going to, unfortunately, after some talk, I thanked him and apologized.

So I've been living outside the temple for a month, still adapting and taking care of some aspects of my karma. I understand that I still need to purify myself. For the time being I remain waiting intensely for you, or until I can visit you.

I say goodbye to you Gurumaharaj, but not before presenting my Gaura-Nitai... Can I have them? and / or worship them? They came to me during the year, I inherit Them from a Srila Prabhupada's disciple after having helped her a couple of days when she stayed at the ashrama. This is her story, They were careless and obscure, but now They are shining. Deva Dharshan prabhu is helping me take care of them since now I have build a place for Them at home. Is this okay? What name should They have?

Your aspiring disciple Dadhisara Devi Dasi 

HpS - Hare Krsna.    ....   Sri Sri Gaura-Nitai is fine. Yes, keep Them. 1. Love Them, 2. Keep Them clean, 3. Offer punctual service, 4. Increase the rules and regulations as time and place permite.

Offer Incense, Lamp, Flower, Fragrant Oil, Food.  Have Mangala arati for them and in the Evening. Bhajana and Kirtan. Hope your new Ashrama situation is fun!!!