Dear Gurudeva,
Please accept my humble obeissances, All glories to Srila Prabhupada

I am working in my small business, dealing with mi family, and my own self. I am taking care of two beautiful Tulsi plants, one of them got a parasite called red spider. I take care of it every day so its seems controlled, but not 100% perfect yet. 

I would like to ask you how can I deal with some philosofical interrogants. First, being materially contaminated by the desire of sense gratification, our idea of perfection may be very subjective and capricious. Of course things don't work as we expect and we feel pain, disapointment and insatisfaction. Although becoming devotees, and starting to understand better our position, still it is very had to stop feeling the same way all the time. How can we deal with our own ignorance and lack of spiritual realization, in order to tolerate our own limited existance.

HpS - Would say that the best way is to just cry, "Hare Krsna!"  "Hare Rama!" Do it a few times and you should have some clearer intelligence how to proceed. Has worked for us in very dificult situation. Have some patience but chant with enthusiasm and look for the answer.

And my other question would be, how to deal with the desire to understand the reasons behind our own specific karma and life situation. We have to go through an specific situation conditioned in so many ways, a situation that is not pleasurable for our sense and mind, and one would like to know the reasons behind, to understand better what are the kind of mistakes or offenses that putted us in a certain situation, but there is no knowledge, we can only wonder. How should we as devotees in KC deal with that?

HpS - Maharaja Bharata really knew why he was in the body of a deer.  If Krsna wants us to know then he can let us know. Even Buddha said, There are so many causes of our present situation. In Kali-yuga it can be very complicated. See if you can get R. D. Laing's book "Knots". Krsna tells Arjuna to not try to understand it. The history is so complicated. It might be like trying to explain Krsna consciousness to your grandmother with both of you on LSD.

I went to a therapy called family constellations, is it ok?

HpS - From what I know it might help. Like taking Vitamin D for some problem.

It is a lot about that subtle mess that is behind our problems and it aims to put some order to it so we can deal better with subjects that are painful in our lifes. I liked, I think it is serious as tecnique. But still I trust much more KC because the aim is not to live better here, but to transcend and go back to our service. I was thinking that any way this place is a place of entanglement, and things won't be perfect for too long. And in this age things are hardly anything close to perfect. How can I connect with a real solution for all this that is so humiliating and difficult. Trying to make this life good/pleasurable or understand how karma works is for someone like me more than pretentious. But there must be a way Krsna allows me to make my life succesful. I would like to surrender, but it's hard. I don't want to become 'confortable' and let life go through, it don't seem posible even if I try. I would like to be more disciplined, it is one of my most difficult challenges. but also deepness in order to give some meaning to a discipline. And I love my family, it not a bad place to live for a material standar, but I loose focus, and become more relaxed, or focused on material things, it can take all my time. 

I am sorry for the length!! I really needed to communicate with you and ask guidance and instruction. My brother Franco is comming for Chritmas holidays, one month. He is in his first year of masters. My mom and dad are fine, they work very hard, more tired and old. They are good people doing their duties at their best, but they are very tired and they have to continue for a while. As daughter I feel sorry they are not more fulfilled and happy, but I guess it is the way it is. I guess I cannot do anything else than trying to become devotee, right? In constellations they say that children shouldn't try to become parents of its own parents, it is unnatural, and give bad results. Parents should take care of their own issues, it is not the position of children to try to fix their problems. I may be a bit too attached to my parents, and my desire for them to be happy... I may be taking many unconscious decisions that are harmfull for my own development and even my KC in order to try to please them and make them happy in a material way.

Otherwise I am assisting Indira Sakti in her pujari service on saturday evening, twice a month in Wilson. I am doing sweets and decorating the cakes for festivals in Wilson along with Indira. And we are meeting with Juan, Lourdes, Tarangaksi, Rukmini, mother Isvari, Gandharva and Indira at least once a month. I am always happy to cooperate in all I am able. If not being a very good disciple at least always thinking and remembering that KC is the most precious think ever I have. Wishing sincerely to learn from you,

your servant, Nitya Kisori dd

*picture of our last cake for Srila Prabhupada's Disapearance day

HpS - Wow!  Long letter.  Nice.     Your analysis of the situation seems correct. All I can say is that you seem to be on the right path. Look at the letter to Subal-sakha today. He had same question and we answered as best we can. You are on the right path, just try little ways to speed up quickly, but be a little patient.

Cake also looks like the designer was on LSD!! Beautiful.