Hare Krishna  Guru Dev,

Please accept my humble obeisances, all glories to SrilaPrabhupada and Gurudev.

I am not really worthy enough to write anything about you Mahraj. You have such a great control on the senses and perform severe austerities.

HpS - Hmmmf!  We are still attached to too much ice cream at times.

Few weeks back when I am reading NOI Text ONE, the question of Pariksit Maharaj, “Why do people undergo atonement if they can’t control their senses? What is the benefit of such atonement?” I felt like this question is directly talking to me and about me.

In your last trip to Richmond, I was inspired and started attending “Mangala arati everyday” almost for 6 months and one day when I met an accident and for few weeks (due to surgery etc.) I couldn’t get up in the morning due to medical reasons and after that I couldn’t make it regular. Some days okay, some days not and same time my work also demanding lot of my time (working in the night and sleeping early in morning). I tried complete my rounds then before going to bed.

When I am reading more and more NOI, every single verse is trying to say something and showing my inability to live up to the standards.

For few days, I am very serious, reading, listening, and book distribution and for few days, it’s very challenging. In all those times, I remember (actually, I meditate) your activities, your dancing, your chanting and the way of conducting your activities.

When I see you in that mood, I feel like you are not in this world and when do I feel that Maharaj? I feel like someone inside me is screaming to come out. At times I feel like none this matter, all my work and my reading etc., I came to know something wrong with my way of reading, just to build knowledge is no good, Craving to feel the real joy in those readings or truly understanding the meaning, so that it inspires my way of living.

It feels like “Maya” is always ready to pounce anytime, when I am not careful (experiencing time to time, Maya is finding some genuine reason or convincing me not to perform Bhakti). Somehow with your mercy, at least I am able recognize and trying to set it right. My only saving grace in all these times is “chanting” (one which I never take it lite and make sure I complete)

Mahraj, please correct me, advice and bless me, so that my life comes back to normal and do my “sadhna” in a regulative way. And one day, I am able to relish the nectar of Bhakti (serving the devotees, Chanting, Vedic Literature etc.)

Your humble Servant

-Subala Sakha Das

HpS - What was the accident??    In general, we are subjected to the reactions of our Karma, Modes of Nature. A man may grab a rope in the fast moving river and now we are pulling him out, but he is still subjected to the waves. The big ones drag us under, but there is a big difference in being in the river holding on to the rope and not holding, and as we get pulled out the waves become smaller and smaller. Nistha.