Hare Krishna Gurudeva, please accept my humble obeaisances and all my respect to you!!
All glories to your gurumaharaja, AC Bhaktivedanta Srila Prabhupada and the guru Parampara!
It's been a week since we talked in ISV, my heart melted because of your association and words. It was Krsna's arrangements!! In the beginning I didn't know you'd be there, we're planning to go for Ids Vpuja... at the end Krishna knows our heart and give us what we truly need, He knows I wanted to be surrounded by devotees who inspired me, after a year without devotee association and then He starts His plan, sending me to LA, getting back here just before Prabhupada festival, meeting Garuda prabhu, Radhanatha swami, Giriraja swami, Indradyumna swami, Vaisesika prabhu and Nirakula mataji, and making it a greater and so precious experience meeting You!!! Anyways, since that day I've been chanting my rounds daily (minimum 16) and participating in kirtan, programs at the temple, harinama, etc. Following the four regulative principles as well. Waking up everyday my Sri Nitai Mayapur Candra deities and offering Them at least their cups full of water.
ASA - Wow!
Rehearsing everyday for our performance for Ratha Yatra, I recognize I have a natural artistic personality in me. I'm very grateful for having you as my spiritual guide, that's the greatest fortune!
There's a devotee lawyer here, Prabhupada disciple, who is going to represent me during my immigration process. He sends his obeisances to you, he says that he was with you for some time in Berkley temple, his name is Mrigendra Das and joined the movement in 1971, he doesn't remember exactly when you were both together, but says probably in the 80's.
Gurumaharaja, there's something I didn't tell you last time we spoke. I lose some faith in Krishna and in the process of Krishna consciousness, the separation between my husband and I and the way the whole situation occurred was very painful to me.
ASA - Yes, it is very painfulll.
Also that he rejected Krishna and the teachings of Srila Prabhupada...it made me doubt a bit. Those were difficult times, but at the same time I see Krishna's mercy, this was the perfect situation to depending in guru and Krishna, to take shelter and surrendered, when you feel you don't have anyone else who can help you and protect you, to trust in, nor a secure place, everything is uncertain and so temporary... still I want to be a Krishna devotee and pray for sincerity to be genuine in my practice and go deeper. Reciprocate with the Love, real love that Krishna and the spiritual master have for us. Connect with the holy name in kirtan and japa. Realize that we all are eternal servants of Sri Radha Krishna and that going back to Goloka Vrindavana is the ultimate goal of ones life. I can't even comprehend what I said at the end but there's no way to advance in the spiritual life without the mercy and guide of the spiritual master, and the blessings of the Vaisnavas.
I need to purify my heart and thoughts. I'm actually excercising and training my mind, to appreciate good qualities in people, so when bad thoughts or dark feeling wants to come in I try to repelling them glorifying something in the other person. I think it's a matter of practice.
HpS - Even more a matter of mercy. Don't let the mercy slip by when it comes. Even getting up in the morning is a lot of result of mercy,,, but grab the mercy and hang on!
Gurudeva I have another concern, as a lady there's a desire for protection, and in this stage I feel unprotected. Here in New Dwarka, I remind a pastime between Krishna and Rukmini, about that Krishna takes care of everyone, of every living entity, even an ant. But for instances, when I tell people that I want to go to India, almost everybody has said that I shouln't go alone, that is not safe for a single girl, that I need protection, that I should live in the ashram and not get a "karmi job"(?) Devotees here are very conservative, you know, most of them old senior devotees.
Well, I thank you once again for letting me take shelter from you and for accepting me with my dark and light side, with all my faults.
I pray and wish to become a good disciple of yours.
ys. Aindavi Devi Dasi
ps. Hope to be in your physical association soon! more times!
Hare Krishna dear Gurudeva. Vanca kalpa...
HpS - Yeah, a Sannyasis and little children and women are in a very similar situation. No formal shelter, so pray to Krsna to show you how He has decided to help you. Of course, not giving too much material shelter is good. It prepares us to Dance on Fire Until the End, with Music as our Only Friend. More news of New Dvaraka. You can be an Official ASA Monkey Warrior Blog Reporter for New Dvaraka, with Art!