Hare krsna gurudev
AGTSP
please accept my humble pranams at your lotus feet.
HpS - ASA - Lettuce feet.
It was really nice to have your association in Manipur and vraj. I learned a lot from you. I am a control freak but by your association I have learning to relax a bit. I also learned the need to respect all vaishnavas and be humane in my dealings.
HpS - It was also very nice for us!! Thank you..
Gurudev you had told that the personal servants fall down mostly because of offence towards guru. I think I must have committed so many offences especially after you left. Please forgive me for that and again kindly allow me to serve you.
HpS - Your conduct was good while we were together.
Since last 3 weeks my sadhana has been very irregular and very bad. I was moving from different places and staying with people who were not really devotees... My sadhana suffered due to bad association and my personal laziness and stupid mind. I started convincing myself that I am young so I can take things slowly.
HpS - Just like Maharaja Parikshit.
My mind almost won one day and was on the verge of breaking the regs. ...XYZ...
But I realized my mistake. I spoke with H. G. Mukunda Datta prabhu and am praying.
Hearing your voice in startmeeting.
Didn't feel like saying anything there as I was feeling very guilty. But now again I have started being strict with myself.
Rounds are OK.....Prasadam is a issue but I am eating simple again. So hopefully within few days again I will be able to control better. Started hearing Srila Prabhupada classes on my laptop.
Unfortunately I cannot dedicate whole day to krsna as in Kerela the reason for coming was to join coaching for post graduation entrance exams for next year. The mood is very passionate and almost ignorance here. 2000+ young doctors, studying almost 14+hours to Crack the exams. The teachers also promote the passion inside us by giving motivational speeches during our sessions of med education. I desperately need your mercy so that I can survive. Please tell me how i can make my heart receive your grace.
HpS - Get up early and get your rounds done (well). Once you do that then you will be able to see you day in proper perspective. Maybe you will decide you should leave your body in six months. Maybe you will decide that you don't have to be in the top 10%. Maybe you will see great opportinities to start an enormous program to develope KC in the medical industry.
Prahalad narasimha prabhu reminded me to wake up early and chant my rounds and morning program [good advice].. So my current spiritual goal is to do that and my deity worship. Nitai and Nimai seva is the only constant thing that I was able to do sincerely during my fall down from the standards.
HpS: They depend on you. You are Their Mother and Father!
On the other hand since last 2 weeks. I spoke to 150 plus people In a siva ratri festival in a small village of South India. (glories of holy name and lord siva for 20 mins).. Visited the ancient udupi krsna temple and guruvayoor temple in Kerela. On Gaura Purnima got a surprise to visit a iskcon center and meet a very nice senior devotee who runs the center. My heart is still not able to move on as I feel down because of my fall down.
HpS - ASA -- As you describe it, it was not a technical falldown but a slouch. In any case. It is not as important if we fall down or don't, as how we GET BACK UP again! With vigor!
But I hope again if I am strict with myself I can get back on track in no time. I am chanting my rounds but my mind is still little disturbed. ...XyZ...
I will like to join in the startmeeting program on TLC.
Please forgive me. I am trying again.
Hare krsna.
Your servant.
Rituraj krsna das
HPS - Yes,,, Read the Introduction to the TLC and talk about it with your class mates. Write ot the Blog with your thoughts about it!!