Hare Krsna Maharaja! 

I still haven't set a fixed number of rounds, but I have been chanting atleast 2 hours everyday or more and reading the Bhagvatam carefully. I got hooked on getting intoxicated last summer on the warped tour but finally quit. Soberiety feels good, and has helped alot of my other problems go away. I started associating with my ex-partner again, the attachment is so deep, it seems dangerous, is it possible there is any good that can come from exploring this relationship. I feel there has been some benefit and balance brought by associating together again. Part of me wants to remain single for life, this seems difficult but worthwhile and natural. Other part of me feels lonely and wishes to have a partner.  

I wish to become Srimati Radharani's maidservant, the service they perform is so beautiful and feels natural to me. Please guide me in the right direction. I am trying to mature and correct my disharmonic consciousness, I want to please you and God. 

I think I will take a bus to you very soon, like tomorrow or in the next few days.

HpS - ASA --- Hare Krsna.  Of course, you arrived like five days ago and are sitting in the little room with morning sun at the East end of our Hillcrest prefab home as I write this letter.

Also, we have discussed some of these things directly.

It's very nice having your association.  You can see that we have our own attachments, conditioning and then make good analysis of how we can help you in your fight with The Witch. You have to win this battle by yourself. Of course, how you get help is also your responsibility, and in the ultimate issue Radha-rani, Krsna's compassion, is stronger than His justice, Durga.

In general, as we discussed: Spend six months, one-year, on answering this question: Am I a servant of God? Is Lord Caitanya, Srila Prabhupada, manifestation of God that I will specficically follow.

O.K. Then first initiation. It's like matriculating into a University that has a general curriculum. Then after one, two more years, Bh. Sastri, you can see how to relate your VAD to Krsna. Now you can be a Grhastha, Vanaprstha, Sannyasi, Brahmana, Vaisya, husband of none, one, six, wives etc.  You can concentrate in the University in Engineering, Medicine, Law...

Then third initiation, Goswami, you have gone to Paramatma. You can actually feel the hand of God in your life...

So, now, keep your association with any Ladies public, in the association of Siksa gurus, Prabhupada, your Japa torched conscience, and it will be O.K.

5.00PM.   --    More letters. Correct some Tests. Bath then off to pick up Madhava and go to NGD program.