Dear Gurudeva,
After having for many years the romantic idea of being a full time monk, now I feel, reaching my 30’s, that I am running out of time to get some material success and so I feel like I am perishing like a riven cloud in the sky with no position in any sphere. No completely successful neither spiritual nor material. But fortunately I guess I have few more years to balance both aspects although I can die anytime.
No matter how many rounds I chant, how many hours I read, how many service I perform, how strict I am in controlling my senses, mind and emotions; PREMA seem to be just a long term promise. Although doing things from the platform of duty I guess could be consider at some degree to be LOVE, but this duty seems never turn into spontaneous service, and that worries me. Routine as full time pujari can be often very heavy, but that’s all I have for now, so no complaints.
On the other hand, college is going fine, but I am really impatient to get some financial independence to move outside the temple. Temple is helpful until you start to take things for granted, then I strongly believe it is better to live outside to appreciate again everything Kishor Kishori and you dear gurudeva are giving me.
The rest is perfect. I also started some imrov classes at The Second City just to release some stress.
Nashville Ratha Yatra this year? I am looking forward to visit you. If not, I will keep following your instruction in the best of my capacity.
I hope Krsna protects you always.
Ys Etasa Krsna Das
HpS - Jaya!!! What level are you at: Adau-sraddhau, sadhu sanga, bhajana-kriya... Different medicine at different points.
All that you have learned in ISKCON is of course 100% useful in the material world in terms of personal habits. The techincal stuff you can pick up pretty quick. Do you want to get married, have a family, society and friends.
During Kartika we will be going out to Richmond, maybe D.C., maybe Raleigh, (maybe Chicago?)?
Our annual Festival here is Saturday, October 1st. Celebrate Nashville, but you could come before and stay later. There is some chance there will not be a Festival because they are rennovating the Park. Watch for more news.
You seem to be on the right path and what is blocking your progress will gradually but even rapidly become obvious if you continue.