Hare Krsna dear maharaja, please accept my humble obeisances

All glories to Srila Prabhupada

I felt the need to write you so here am I. I'm living in Mayapur for almost 6 months ago and many many many things happened to me. It's amazing how can a pure place as Mayapur and with so advanced devotees can change the mind.

It was and still a great challenge because in such atmosphere I can discover who am I and which anarthas (that maybe I was thinking I didn't have) I have to work in. 
Deeply I can realize that I'm very fortunate to live here and I must to take advantage of that (sometimes I think too much, and this discouraged me) 

So I'm getting a very awesome association from many pure devotees. I was taking Kirtan academy course and now I'm studying Bhakti sastri part time again with Atul Krsna prabhu in Mayapur Institute. All the devotees here are very advanced.  I feel like the worst one haha. Good for my false ego. 
What happened to me sometimes is like I need to have many things to do at the same time, and need to be busy because if I don't, I start to think too much and It's not good. I feel anxiety because my asram is not clear now and all this environment influence me in a certain sense. So it's a little difficult sometimes to focus in my service beacuse of that. I think is normal, but I have to solve it, Isn't it?

ASA - It seems so!  Prabhupada says, "Girls should be married by 16-years old": http://www.vedabase.com/en/sb/1/17/38. Of course, you could marry Krsna I guess.

Living here in India is a huge challenge for me because the differences between cultures but I really appreciate to have had the opportunity to realize that and I think indian traditional culture is closer to vedic culture than western's so I have many things to learn from them. 

Even all of my "troubles" in my mind I really love to live here. I can't even think about come back to the city. (At least till Mayapur becomes a city ha!) 

I don't know If I deserve the initiation as I'm not qualified at all but somehow I got it again because some special mercy. Maha Hari Prabhu was here so he did the arrengement for that. Was really nice moment and the day after that I went to Vrndavan. No words which can describe that. 

So that's my situation. I'm very good.. only this little anxiety but nothing else. Krsna is giving me a lot of mercy. Too much and I can not understand why. I feel selfish because I'm always thinking more in what I want instead of what he wants (unless he and I both want the same, I would not be pleasing him) A clear example of this is that my guru maharaja is giving me a lot of service with videos and at the same time I'm taking another services and studying which Is what I want to do but of course takes me time. So this kind of negligence in his service (because of course by doing many things I don't have his service as a priority) sometimes makes me feel guilty. Why this things happens?

HpS - I don't know. It could be because you are a selfish witch or it could be because you are an incarnation of Lalita Devi and no service is ever enough to make you feel like you are doing enough.

If you are sincere, Krsna will tell you. You know when you are being sincere. Of course, Guru, Krsna, Sastra and Vaisnava are there to help us.

Is this lack of surrender knowing the deep desire that my gurudeva has in his heart to develop his project and not spending 100% of my time supporting him?

So I think that's all. Wishing your health is good and your preachings programs going on successfully! 

 I wanted to see you when you was here but somehow I couldn't. I hope there's another chance in a near future

Thank you so much for your time and please let me know what you think about all of these things. Your advices are very important for me. I appreciate you a lot.

trying to serve,

Syamasundari devi dasi.

PS: I took the first picture  in Govardhana. I would have liked not to leave that place never. And the other one was from yesterday. Rama navami. 

HpS - Ah!   I think I saw you in a Start Meeting program.

Congratulations. Respects to our esteemed God-brother, Maha atma Das when you get the chance. Please send news from time to time at least!!!!