Sadhana Slipping or re-gripping?

January 4, 2016

Dear Maharaja Hanumat Presaka Swami,

      Please accept my humble obeisance’s, All glories to Srila Prabhupada, all glories to your service!

     Concluding another year, (2015 on the Christian calendar) has brought some very poignant realizations. Of course your report request is a good reminder of the need for perfection.
      This year was pushing the limits of my japa more than any, the 16-4 rule is “written in stone” as is sincere service. Where is the difficulty? It is in the latter, service/seva. Taking on many projects, personal demands of perfection have brought havoc on the japa. Always catching up on the Mala, some days only getting partial rounds in, then have 20-24 rounds the following days.
       Unfortunate for my seva-holic-ness or bless-fully fortunate for the Soul, the Lord reminds us that japa is the Supreme sacrifice, “…of sacrifices I am the chanting of the holy names [ japa]” Bhag-gita 10.25. In all context it is something that must be performed. Some exceptions were noted by his divine grace, Maharaja Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura (MBST), in the “Bhakti Vaibhava” within the service of bhakti-seva. One should be especially careful, for rationalizations can pave the road to hell better than good intentions and I easily fall in this category.

        The great fortune I’m grateful for is in your reciprocation when I dwell on and over-signify errors, with sluggish sadhana, am so glad to have things cleared up in your association, even your nuances bring relief.

         Accept that limitations exist due to karma and acknowledge it can be changed. As time passes gentle reminders of the dangers at every step are there (just broke a bone in my foot). While hoping to finish with a happy-ending in my sadhana report, reality is it has declined in some aspects this year. Though there was one positive gain, managed to read more books by MBST and many S.P. disciples.
        Regardless; trading association, Mandhir programs & reading for daily sadhana is not rational. As heard, “If you’re not getting your rounds done, you’re dumb”.  In the latter I’m qualified & could rest on those laurels of ignorance. Initiation is a vow to change and have had wonderful results in your association along with other Vaisnava’s. In keeping that advancement going, shall continue on the bhakti-path though limitations may invade from the past as a  Dr. Spock groomed, “Baby-boomer, T.V. cartooner and a flash-back doomer” the battle is not over for this ol’ brain.

       Won’t dwell on what has been, just hope I’m not condemned…may have to use a few more lifetimes to get dialed in. Though, Srila Prabhupada’s resend, “Do it in this lifetime”… would be a Godsend.

       Thank you for your most valuable time, please excuse my piteous ramblings and taking advantage of your association. Have to get back to japa and accept that in this lifetime it can be perfected.     

Again, All glories to your service!!

Your servant in training,
"Burning-Mud"
caitanya caritamrta das, das anu das.

HpS - Oink!!!!!       Get a Japa partner. Report to them and them to you, no?   In general you seem to be doing good.  Yes, the Karma yoga temptation is very real: Doing what WE like to do for Krsna, rather than what KRSNA likes us to do for Krsna.  Then easy to sink down.......