Maya never fails (Utah)

9 years, 8 months ago by BhaktaAdrian in Personal Sadhana Reports

Hare Krishna,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. 

Maharaj, I apologize for the delayed letter. I have been having regular discussions with Radhika Raman Prabhu. He has been giving extremely valuable insight and instruction. We developed some schedule, and he was going to discuss with me proper Guru/disciple interaction. Although I had the intention to write once a month, I decided to wait until I had that conversation with Radhika Raman before writing. However, we have been having other important conversations, and I have become overly anxious, so I am writing anyway. 

I was making good progress with Sadhana up until the last few weeks. Things at home got really rough really quickly. I have opened up to my wife about my deepest demons and addictions, and made some selfish choices. I can't recall ever being that open about the terrible nature of my character. She wasn't prepared for that. Now she is waiting for me to come up with a solution. So I'm trying to find my way out of a lazy/depressed spell. I opened up to Radhika Raman and another senior devotee here who I am anxiously waiting chastizement and undeserved help from. There is another senior devotee in town who I am going to have the opportunity to talk to this weekend. I hope that goes well. I had gone almost 5 months without missing a day of 16 rounds. As always happens, I  dropped into a low point for sadhana, so I'm going to be working on getting back into that rhythm. I reached out to another devotee who has agreed to meet with me once a week to give Bhagavatam class. Hopefully interjecting that class into the middle of the week, and opening up in confidence to these devotees will help keep my sadhana strong, and keep my wife happy. We'll see how that goes. I feel change in the air. 

Your Aspiring Servant, 

Bhakta Adrian

HpS - AGTSP. Wow, you make it sound like you killed 600,000,000 Easter Bunnys in your last life and ate them all with pickled brandy sauce.  Well, it sounds like you are making the right move, get good association. The time frame is individual. Some people advance to Point C after six weeks. Some after six years. We are all individual. All Krsna really cares about is how much you are trying to act like you love Him, and then He can try to act like He loves you. [I geuss He really does love us in any case].