11/11/14  Esteemed Guru Maharaja: All glories to Mighty Srila Prabhupada! 

Please accept my humbled obeisances.

Since last correspendence and your merciful replies, everything has been very hellish here.  Krsna seems to have his own method of goswami training. 

If i am correct and "goswami" means "one who contols their mind" then my beautiful forest prison is perfect for my spiritual advancement. 

If I did not keep my mind under control through every Krsna Conscious means available, (which I do) I would loose it. 

Just a few little things to contend with i.e autism, clinical depression, . . . In order to keep my sanity in this 600 sq, ft. living space, please know that chanting and thinking of and calling upon Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga is what keeps me sane, which I actually am, and quite so.

However, it is more draining than I have words for.  Still blessed with very sweet and mostly fixed up devotee association in SAC each Sat night.  Very long and, after dark, dangerous drive for 3 hours round trip, but it is truly Krsna's mercy and I seldon miss it.  It seems we really might begin looking for a larger home in Auburn.  Still too very far from association for a nearly 70 year old mataji, but i'll take what I can get.  Its still 1/2 hour closer to association.  You are in my prayers.

I hope I am in yours. 

Your worthless servant, 
KDD

HpS - ASA - Wow! AGTSP! Paoho. The Japa vrata, 16-enthusiastic rounds, is the basis! For at least two hours/day keep the iron-smile on the face and use every trick possible to keep the mind thinking about what the tongue and jaw are vibrating. Then with intermittent dips into the Caitanya-caritamrta and preaching, corresponding etc. keep the minds contents in the right perspective and Krsna, who is trying to connect with us will have half a chance to do so.

We have paid to have some many little animals butchered. If you read "Diet for a New America" or other books you can see that we have supported hells past human immagination, and how much of it we have actually known but still paid and paid and paid!

Oooof! Is that it? Is Krsna giving us the minimum retribution demanded by the plaintiffs?
 

If we look at what the girls and ladies in Africa are going through we see that we are fortunate.

Left in a mass of old men, children, the women hang together after their husbands have left and gone south with the animals to protect them from the military who come as night in helicopters and shoot at the camp to exterminate the "rats" under the cover of darkness.

Girls have been raped 7-times by military and bandits going to water from the only well.

Old men walk with a foot missing with only one weed to chew on for three days but uphold themselves with dignity and humor.

I would say that you are burning up bad Karma like a roaring forest fire. I would say that you are helping others like anything and paying off all the debts you owe.
Please keep on writing and reading! You association really helps a lot of us. You've overcome a terrible childhood in many ways.