Hare krisna maharaj
Please accept my humble pranam at your lotus feet.
HpS - ASA - AGTSP. Moderately swollen feet.
All glories to srila Prabhupada.
All glories to you H.H.Hanumatpresaka swami maharaj.
Maharaj how are you? Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit.
HpS - O.K. Just starting to get a headache. 1PM, Friday. Lot of work today.
I really dont know how to say but i am in huge mind struggle maharaj. Please help me . As i had mentioned i am doing my graduation in bachelors of medicine. Maharaj because of exam season and this being my last year (excluding internship) I am not able to chant my rounds . I feel either lazy doing it and when i do it i am not able to concentrate.This consequently makes me feel guily . I can neither do anything spiritual nor can i concentrate on my studies. When i sit to study my medical books i feel like i am wasting my time and that i should chant and do spiritual things . But when i try to do spiritual things i get tensed thinking about my study. My academic life is in mess. i feel depressed and i am not able to balance anything. My exams are nearing . My parents dont understand my spiritual beliefs. All my college teachers and friends blame my krsna consciousness for my failure . I know its not krsna that is to be blamed ...its me only. I couldnt balance things. I feel like i wasted government's money by joining medicine( govt. sponsered seat). Please help me maharaj. I didn't want to disturb you by my stupid problems but devotees told me that only you can help me understand my position. Please ask krsna what to do.
Maharaj in future i want to help prabhupad in his mission. Is there any service that i can do as a doctor? in future, because i feel my current academic qualification is no use to krsna so i get more demotivated. Please suggest somethings. How can i serve you and prabhupada as a doctor . Please help me understand my situation better.
I am not following 16 rounds currently and i had to drink coffee to stay awake and study for exams last 15 days.my next final exams are going to start from december 2 till 20 . i think i will need caffeine again that time. Even worse demons attack us out of frustration last few days. I dont deserve to be initiated . I couldn't follow you. I still hope you forgive me for my mistakes . I know i am your worst student but you are papita pavan . Please forgive me and help me.
Regarding your last advice, my relationship with that devotee has improved . I have seen that when i praise him and instead of fault finding in him find mistakes in me i tend to improve. I realized that i cannot even be .0000001 % sincere like him .
Please guide me maharaj. I am lost and need guidance from you to understand what i have to do . I cannot leave my studies now. I need to know how can i serve you and prabhupada with my studies. I need your blessing and guidance urgently. Please scold me and chastise me but help me back to correct path.
Sorry again for disturbing you and all my mistakes.Protect me from myself maharaj.
your worst servant
Rituraj majumder
shillong ,india
HpS - ASA - Wellllll, let us not expect to solve all the problems of life in six minutes. In contrast we can make rapid progress.
1) Set a standard for Japa that you know you can do. Think about it. If it is one round a day. O.K. Be SINCERE. There is no substitute for sincerity.
2) Get up early and get you rounds. Done. Later take a break from the passion and chant as appropriate.
3) During the day force your self to read a little bit from Srila Prabhupada's book several times, like taking bitter medicine.
4) Most of the other students are in a worse situation than you are.
Write again!