Hare Krsna Maharaj,Pamho, Agtsp,

its glorious to have been associated with you in anyway for sinful, insincere beast like me.
we have improved a lot our last 1 month in terms of our external behaviour and agitation of mind.

but we have concern with our chanting. our external circumstances are not very encouraging or reminding us of good chanting. we dont hope they would change quickly until we learn some lesson which Mr. Krsna SPOG wants us to learn.

however bigger trouble is our mind....our pronuniciation is not very clear, when the pronunciation is clear our beads rotate faster (less than 5 min for a round), and top of that, all sinful/ beastful ideas come up in our mind....if nothing else our body esp lower neck will have pain after two three rounds..which is indication of reduction of stress...........thought there have been occasional 1-2 min nice chanting, slow, rhytmic, and with proper meaning...getting up from Mangal arti helps but itstwice or thrice in a week........mostly our idea is just to get rounds done....there is no question of relishing it.............there is no doubt it is mostly parrot chanting...
 

we also figured out that we are doing offences mainly 1 {cursing past counsellors], 3 { not obeying super soul and gurus},  7, 9, and 10 ( mind does not want to give up sex desire even illicit, but agrees to remain in marriage)..

.we were waiting for a grhastha counsellor to tell this and see if he can tell us some thing.. but we did not find one whom we can trust.we even have doubts that we can fulfill the rule of illicit sex as described by you (sex only for procreation),, ..,,many times we have heard different standards of Illicit/illicit sex (http://iskcon.us/chaitanya-charan-das/illicit-sex-outside-marriage-illicit-sex-capital-illicit-sex-within-marriage-small/)..but we understand you definition... we definitely are very much willing to follow them and the make sense.....

we have indulged in undesired movie/literature for around 10 years..even though we have stopped it now. we are getting flashes of it our mind...we are fighting hard...but we dont know if we can ensure accident less application of this rule, even if we are intiated....

once we asked you, the candidate should be willing or should be able to follow rules? as far as we remember you its willing...please correct us if we are  wrong... we are willing but dont know about our ability....

with such a circumstances (both internal /external) do you think we should apply for intiation? and what should we do to improve our chances for applying for intiation..

regards,
beast horse

HpS - ASA --- There is NO fixed schedule for everybody. Everybody is a different person. Even without formal vaisnava initiation if you are trying your best to advance by chanting then Krsna will help you forever.

Just try to make progress each two weeks. Yes, you have to be follow the principles, good rounds, morning program for one year before first initiation, but don't worry about that. Just see where you are and make progress over from Kapi Dhvaja to KDh.

You are also a very, very, very rare person. As a husband, father, son, student, we all feel happy to have your association.

Illict sex is usually a community problem not a private problem. Yes, get an Ashrama guru. It is not proper for Sannyasi to talk too much about these details.