Dear Gurudeva, Hare Krishna.
Please accept my humble obeisances.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
99.9% things I do comes from the 'intelegence'. Preaching I am helping with and any other 'devotional' activity or regulations I do only because I know it is best thing to do, but have no feeling.
ASA - AGTSP. paoho. IN the beginning there is a tendency toward impersonalism.
At this moment I live only because I know that things I am helping with are benefitial to help others to come in contact with Srila Prabhupada and get chance, but how long more I can live like that without feelings?
ASA- Forever. Just go on serving because it is the right thing to do and if Krsna neglects you for 100,000,000 life times don't stop.
It says if Krishna likes somebody he takes everything from him, so that only Krishna remains to that person. What to do when He cuts everything, so person don't have either (whatever is important to him or Krishna)? I have no devotion to Krishna, no loving feelings, yet I am not allowed to love anybody else as they are either killed or removed otherwise. I am gradually starting to think Krishna have some fun in this. How can I see His's taking things away yet unable to love Him in correct perspective? What should be my understanding?
HpS - Last verse of Siksastak. "aislisya va..."... [but this is advanced attitude of Sr. Radharani... [so you should be prepared to do this but hope that your purification goes well and Krsna will be able to give you some higher taste soon!]]
Your servant,
Prahlad-nrsmha das