Hare Krsna Maharaja,

Please accept my humble obeisances.  All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I know I should wait until your response to my last letter before writing again, but I have more anguish to express.  Though I am trying to try hard for Krsna and to not fall down, which is always just around the corner, I get so depressed thinking of how my spiritual life has not even begun, no matter how hard I am trying right now or in the past.  I feel so helpless, if I were to die tomorrow, I would be lost to Krsna... it is very dangerous.

My last letter might have sounded like I am jealous of initated devotees.  That is not what I meant.  What I mean to express is I am jealous after initiation itself.  How can I love Krsna if my spiritual life has not even begun?  This is the cause of much anguish and depression for me.  How can I bring others to Krsna if my own spiritual life has not started?  How could I help them if I leave my body before I can love Krsna myself?

No matter how much I might cry and try for Krsna, I am still just a rascal and a fool with no link back to Him.  My prayer is that I might live long enough to begin my spiritual life and receive the bhakti lata bija so that someday I might be able to begin to love Krsna...

Hoping to become,
Your servant,
Bhakta David II

            HpS - Jaya!!!    AGTSP...  We talked  a LOT about this in the last letter.  We will look for any more recent response from you.