Hare Krsna Gurudeva,
Please accept my most humble obeisance,
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
It is not easy to got a conexion while in the farm (cueramaro), we are coming to the village just few times. Sattva devotees did not send any report, and I could not send them a reminder.
I took advice for my desicion to go to the College this year or the next... The autorities here told me I can decide as I like.
ASA - AGTSP we sent a letter of recommendation for you!
Malati Mataji told to go this year, Prabhu Akrura told me to stay. With Mataji Malati, she gave me advice very quicly, with Prabhu Akrura and prabhu Aravinda I talked longer... My argument to stay is to finish this experience of sadhana, sankirtan and temple, like my brahmacarini asrama.
ASA - Sounds like good ideas!
I was waiting for these very long and now I have the opportunity to make my bases... I feel is not nice to go so soon. Maharaja Yadhunandana told me to go this year, because is better to take a good opportunity now ( "no dejes para mañana lo que puedas hacer hoy"). So I still feel confused. Is hard for me to take the decision because I feel both are so good! For instance, it looks that it will be for the next year because I don't have all the papers yet and the date had already passed (but Maharaja Yadunandana told me I can still send...), I took the decision of the next year more by external circunstances. It is not good I am so inmature, and not able to take my decision... Excuse me... I am not good to take advice, neither to take decisions...
We went to sankirtan on Friday and I distributed 46 small books. I am not so good on the street, too much mind, not enough spiritual desire, but still I feel lot of attraction for this sankirtan service, but I am like a bee trying to take the honey that is inside the bottle.
This bhakti sastri is so nice, I really didn't understood the BG before... It is so nice to study this books in the association of the devotees (the books are the center!). We have lot of good association, Prabhu Navina Nirada, P. Krsna Nama (auditor of the BBT, from India), m.Radhika (a Mexican senior devotee). They give us so nice classes and care. You are also coming. Life is perfect on the association of this kind of study programs.
But understanding deeper the books, is also making to see ourselves more deeply. And we see how fallen we are, and not sincere... I see most of the time I practice Krsna conciousness to stop from suffering, specting to have a better life, like a pious activity, to have good results. I see so many defects on me, I see I am in an ocean, and I don't so much to really get out. I will try to become more sincere, to apply what Krsna tells to Arjuna to take him out of his material conciousness.
I am just a pretender, but Krsna took a little of sincerity in my heart and He connect me with this mouvement, with Srila Prabhupada's mercy, with you, with the vaisnavas, and I am having an opportunity to heal the envy that keeps me far from devotional service to Lord Krsna. I am very fallen, but very fortunate, and at the same time unfortunate because I am not more surrendered. I pray I can becaome a devotee some day... devotees are dear to Krsna.
Excuse me Gurudeva it is so long,
ASA - Yeah!
you like the truth in few words.
ASA - So does God!
In this context, seen that the heart is so dirty, I see I don't reveal my mind to anyone. I don't have any more experience devotee how I can trust, and I don't have secrets, and he can help me to advance, like a mentor... to overcome my difficulties in a practical way, someone who can give a Krsna conciouss understanding of what I am going through... this is the meening of revealing the mind in confidence?
ASA - Yes, but you don't have to go into profound psycho drama with everyone you meet. We have a lot of friends, that we discuss things with on different levels. (This is Monkey writiing)
A more experienced devotee, we trust, we don't have to lie or keep secretsm who can give us a Krsna coniouss understandind to overcome our difficulties? I think I lack of this...
Excuse me Gurudeva for my offenses,
I am chanting, 4 reg, mangala aratik, studing, sankirtan... all by the bhakti sastri program mercy
Sad to be in maya, happy to be in Iskcon, and to be your disciple!
your servant, Nitya Kisori dd
ASA - Pretty good letter. You seem to be half mad. That's O.K. better to blabber from the heart than click from the head.
O.K. We see you in just a few moments.
Stay until next year. Yadu Maharaja is just in his Salesman's humor for BVC. That's also good, but better to take advantage of where you are now and then go with a little patience on to university for your degree in education from the college!