Hare Krishna your Holiness Hanumat Preshaka Swami Maharaja,
All glories to Srila Prabhupada and Gouranga!
Maharaja, I have been studying psychology heavily lately and came across all emotions have to relate with 'fear of death'/survival, I remember you discussing this in class lecture last time you were in Boise. After reading it I have felt heavily unemotional and disillusioned lately, now whenever I walk around I feel like theres some sort of empty hole in my mind, devoid of any love/affection for anybody or anything, really. I have started to worry this might be very bad for devotional service, do you think so? Or is Bhakti independent of any subtle mind/intellect/ego's conditions because it is Nirguna and in the Spirit Self, laying dormant inside the heart??
By the way.. that note I wrote you.... do you think everything will heal in a few years time? Should I just kick myself to the curb back into maya over it; or continue K-Con devotional service? I feel so humiliated that I often feel very, very discouraged every day to do any devotional service and see my life as worthless, but I don't want to be a sob story or anything...
Bhakta Reilly (Reilly M. Grindle)
HpS - ASA - Esteemed Bhakta Reilly,
All stupid things we can do we have done. Again and again, not just one.
So don't worry too much about profit and gain.
Rather serve you Deities with careful fixed brain.
Give them a daily bath and rub them dry. Get Them new things from the marke s you pass by.
Of course, by the blessing of Prabhupada, you should keep Radha Krsna, as soon as you 16-4 is steady. Don't deviate. They have to suffer.