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Hare Krsna, AGtSP, PAMhO

Respected Old Monk,

At this early hour, I write again to share the journey of my thoughts and life. For us, you represent something beyond a body — you may appear as a guru in form, but Guru Tattva itself is not confined to any particular body. It is a complex concept, and we are trying to combine what we have heard and followed from various teachers, especially Śrīla Prabhupāda and Vrindavan Swami.

We acknowledge that we have not followed the rules as perfectly as they should be, yet the spirit of following remains intact. Venkatesh can testify that the four principles are preserved, the chanting continues, and the perspective endures. For many years, we followed the ISKCON practice of chanting sixteen rounds daily, believing Krishna would take care. But in time, we realized we had become ritualistic and harsh toward others, which was intuitively wrong.

After one great failure, life changed. Now, with our parents staying with us in their old age, I see God not only in the deity or the holy name, but also in father and mother. At seventy, my father’s body still works well, though his mind is not as strong. His attachment toward us has grown, and I see his care — driving us to hospitals, preparing medicines, standing by us in court. He never had a strong relationship with a guru; his bond was with family. Perhaps he sought that relationship with me too.

I wish to reciprocate. Yet my bodily condition is frail. Chemotherapy has peeled away the lining of the scrotum and anus, and an enema has to be taken to often in small quantity to pass stool. Litigation continues. I strive not to appear dependent or handicapped before my parents, though much effort goes into maintaining myself. Chanting is often mental, not vocal. Sometimes, watching the Mahavatar Narsimha film, the music itself becomes smaraṇam, remembrance of the divine. In those moments, it feels as if Narsimha Himself is saying: “Do not shout at my people. Do not criticize them. They are mine. Do not hurt them. Rest, I will take care.”

I regret not chanting sixteen rounds daily. In 2023, cancer struck my kidney, half of which was removed. Later, in November 2025, cancer reappeared in my back. Doctors now suggest chemotherapy, immunotherapy, or targeted therapy. We are taking the pills. We do not yet know which path will unfold.

This is my update, shared with reverence. I continue to write, to remember, and to serve in whatever small way I can.

With humility , trust and respect,

Harsh

HPS-ASA - AgtSP. Thank you so much.

I feel your report has given intense thought to everyone.

Kirtaniya sada harih.

As far as I know Srila Prabhupada was not chanting on beads in his final days.

He was skin and bones, yet the final purports he dictated are so, so lucid.

I have faith in the while process of Diksa that he has established for his Iskcon, but some devotees told me that they lied to their Diksa guru and were not chanting and following properly before initiation and on the day of initiation they were smoking Marijuana after the ceremony!

This is extreme case. Yet, you and I may be making milder yet specific errors in the processes that produce bad side effects.

O. K.

Yet, the whole contract with SP and his... his... ISKCON seems valid, abdolute.

I am 19 rounds behind from this flu.

Keeping accounting of my debt.

Will make it up.

If cannot chant on beads so much, then yes develop mental, even vaikuntha chanting.

Smile.

Be happy.

No problem dying soon.