Hare Krishna, Siksha Gurudeva,

HpS/ASA - Maybe very, very, small moon beam from a higher reality. AgtSP! 😃

...please kindly accept my most humble obeisances; all glories to his divine grace, Srila Prabhupada; all glories to you, his sincere and dedicated disciple.

HpS/ASA - 75%, by His Divine Grace. .0001% by our own sincerity.

I hope that all is going well with you in your life, particularly in your selfless service to Srila Prabhupada.

HpS//ASA - Think it is just about the same as yours!

As for myself, I am still being humbled because of my stubborn and rebellious mind. During japa time my mind is splayed out like a flood light, instead of focusing like lazer or a spot light. I get so frustrated and upset because I find I haven't made any advancement with regards to controlling my mind.

Japa meditation isn't just a routine performance that we can go through just for the sake of saying "my rounds are finally done."

It scares me to acknowledge my failure.

Nearly my whole adult life has been dedicated to the chanting of the holy names, along with studying and distributing the transcendental knowledge Srila Prabhupada taught us.

Still, my mind can only focus on material sense gratification.

I woke up from a dream last night, in which I strangely found myself re-enlisting in the armed forces (I am a veteran, having served during the Vietnam War).

In the dream I was completely disturbed that I had agreed to serve in the military again. It was then that I woke up, thinking that I don't really want to serve Krishna, because I am too attached to serving Maya.

ASA - Photo attached.

I wish with all my heart that I could sincerely cry out to Krishna during japa.

Fulfillment of such a desire is not possible without the causeless mercy of Krishna and the spiritual master.

This is what we chant every single morning: the prayers glorifying the spiritual master and Krishna.

It is absolutely essential that we receive the mercy of Krishna and the spiritual master. And therein lies my problem: failure to surrender.

I felt compelled to share these thoughts, as my rebellious mind pressed heavily on me during my japa this morning.

Your Lowly servant,

Balabhadra Dasa

HpS/ASA - What percentage of devotees in our graduating class of ISKCON even chant their rounds. They don't have 16-bad rounds. They have no rounds!

They have happiness and frustration with little things: Wife, Family, Car, Job, Politics, Toys...

Of after all these years we are still concerned with evaluation of our ritual exercises in terms of the GIANT, Krsna, then that is very, very, very rare in human society.

Welcome to a very small club?

What are you attached to?