Hare Krsna, Gurudeva/Maharaj

Please accept my Dandavats.

I was trying to avoid writing to you, but I was always having constant concern about your instructions and other things by you.

Again as I mentioned my four rules are intact however full morning program or reading is not that much there.

Though I hear other vaisnavas of other sampraday.

I do find myself little purposeless or perplexed about my relationship / association with the current/future ISKCON.

It seems to be very doubtful.

I don't know in what levels and what capacity to associate with them and neither I am finding any one close to your your ideas or even your perspective.

I know all this confusion will go away when I will chant properly and the holy names will talk to me.

However, I don't know when that moment will come . And there is fear of me not associating with anyone from ISKCON once you leave this mortal world.

I do not know how I will I contribute to ISKCON accept for simple chanting and reading and basic non violent or non aggressive behaviour which I had that's all I can say .

I feel solace with you only. I am not qualified or sincere for your concessions given to me. spiritual rituals make sense when you are some how associated.

These days I get up before sun rise and hear metal rock with beats , which gets me started.

My story might be same, hence not writing much.

Pranams

HpS - Cool letter.

American B'cari in New York 1971, rather leader in Temple administration, Sankirtan, wrote to Srila Prabhupada, "SP I cannot stop thinking about illicit sex!!"

Srila P answered, "Yes, because of the birth you have taken you will not be able to stop thinking about illicit sex in this lifetime, but if you follow me you will be able to tolerate it!"

Also heard, saw SP say, sometimes I think about my former activities with my wife, That is natural.

But I don't go back.

That is intelligence.

O.K. Wating for next fortnightly news from ASA - Varanasi.